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Test
Guest
can somebody please help??? i am just to shy in life... i have no close friends cuz i am too shy around them and i just dont know what to say...
Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
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armywife
Guest
Test said:
Perhaps you have social anxiety and not shyness? They are two different things. Usually if I don't know what to say to people, I ask questions. How are your kids? Do you think it will rain? Stuff like that.
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ellomoto
Guest
if you think like mad about what to say to someone you inevitably say something ludicrous .. or is it just me .. lol
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Test
Guest
ellomoto said:
Yes, this has happened to me.
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armywife
Guest
ellomoto said:
Yeah, but you don't realise it was ludicrous sometimes until later then your stomach melts into your gut..
bjarne
Well-known member
Test said:
My life story; I have always been shy.
When I am talking to someone that I do not really know I can never think of anything to say. But afterwards I always can think of LOTS of things I should have said. Basically, in my case, I think it's a deep fear of being laughed at.
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armywife
Guest
bjarne said:
Sounds like social anxiety too..
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Test
Guest
bjarne said:
That's the exact same way I have felt
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runningonempty
Guest
I know exactly what you mean. I used to be shy and did not know how to make conversation. I am no longer shy, but still have problems breaking the ice. I have been there so many times with those ....I shoulda, coulda's if only I woulda's.....finally I stop myself from those now with ....oh well, you can't go back and change what did/did not happen. So I promise myself I will do better next time. Each time I do it gets easier. What has worked for me is knowing that no one else is really different than me on the inside. We all are human with our founded and unfounded fears.
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paula4u
Guest
The world is full of "strange" people, we all are different, I used to make jokes, soul of the party etc.. the older I got the more I got hurt as for some reason people seem to think Im never serious... where are the clowns etc.. syndrom.. Now I just sit back and watch the world go by.. I feel lonely at times.. but I do reach out for friends and if strangers just walk by.......... it is their loss.. I know I would be a good friend! Social anxiety? Lets not start analysing what is what.. be active............ reach out!!
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Jcoldwater
Guest
[No message]
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obkb
Guest
screw labels, some people have less to say verbally, some people have less to say emotionally, some people are funnier, some are weirder, some are more active, some people like cities, etc. . .
there is nothing wrong with being introverted....social anxiety...WE ALL have that to an extent...WE all LATCH on to something, drug, booze, food, activity, jokes, drama, who cares. introverted people RULE. .. . . if you feel nervous like I often do, ere is what i have learned:
I am introverted and i was suicidal a few times because the shyness was so painful, my awkwardness extreme, and my loneliness out of control (no family either) -
In wanting to die I knew there was a part that needed to die (cliche, I know) ---i hit many bottoms, and mistakenly always wanted someone else to pick me up...never happened (well, a white lab coat...) never will...not in the way we think we nee, anyway...
I let go of my expectations slowly - took a lot of time... I let go of diagnoses...I let go of drama, of resentment, of self blame, of feeling so bad for feeling so lonely and shy. I stopped being so self conscious for why I was. I am far from perfect but I have so much freedom now. I take dance classes and I kinda suck, but it feels great and i don't care. I ask lots of questions if I feel shy because it keeps conversation flowing - i seek out neat things, so I share good music or art, etc...I share what makes me happy.
I love to play games, or watch movies...I am not that great at sitting in circles talking because it can end up getting to be too cynical and negative or inflated talk about how the world's gone wrong...I've been there and i have had enough of being bummed out. i don't ignore the world's problems, i just don't freak out over them anymore.
i try to spend time alone. i still have fears, etc... but now i know i am human...
there is nothing wrong with being introverted....social anxiety...WE ALL have that to an extent...WE all LATCH on to something, drug, booze, food, activity, jokes, drama, who cares. introverted people RULE. .. . . if you feel nervous like I often do, ere is what i have learned:
I am introverted and i was suicidal a few times because the shyness was so painful, my awkwardness extreme, and my loneliness out of control (no family either) -
In wanting to die I knew there was a part that needed to die (cliche, I know) ---i hit many bottoms, and mistakenly always wanted someone else to pick me up...never happened (well, a white lab coat...) never will...not in the way we think we nee, anyway...
I let go of my expectations slowly - took a lot of time... I let go of diagnoses...I let go of drama, of resentment, of self blame, of feeling so bad for feeling so lonely and shy. I stopped being so self conscious for why I was. I am far from perfect but I have so much freedom now. I take dance classes and I kinda suck, but it feels great and i don't care. I ask lots of questions if I feel shy because it keeps conversation flowing - i seek out neat things, so I share good music or art, etc...I share what makes me happy.
I love to play games, or watch movies...I am not that great at sitting in circles talking because it can end up getting to be too cynical and negative or inflated talk about how the world's gone wrong...I've been there and i have had enough of being bummed out. i don't ignore the world's problems, i just don't freak out over them anymore.
i try to spend time alone. i still have fears, etc... but now i know i am human...
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kaviii
Guest
obkb said:
Great Advice, i want to stop my social phobia and loneliness because it makes me too negetive i have one close friend and i think i am driving her away because i am negetive. I just dont want to lose her my negetivity is replusive.
Another great way to stop your aniexty is through meditation, i had one session and after it i felt eeriely happy so yea..
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DreamingOfValdez
Guest
words to the shy, from loud Leo:
1) If you practice what you're going to say to someone, you are not being youself, you're being fake. Thoughts are not stupid. How you think makes up who you are! Just let it roll baby.
2)Body language is important (smiling, nodding, waving, relaxing). Most shy people seem unapproachable because they are so quiet and mysterious.
3) Pay attention. Shy people spend a lot of time in their heads. Don't block out a conversation in order to listen to your own thoughts. If you give people your attention, you can focus on what they are saying, and your thoughts should follow that topic.
4) It's not what you say, but how you say it. Most people don't want feedback, they just want to talk to someone who acts interested. someone who will listen and agree.
Being quiet and shy makes people appear like they have ghosts in their closets. It says:
A)"I don't trust you with my thoughts"
B)"There's things about me that you don't need to know" ("I'm hiding something")
C)"I don't like you"
D) "You bore me"
Being loud and outspoken isn't a great quality, but shy people scare me a little. This is all opinion, and truly is not meant to piss anyone off.
1) If you practice what you're going to say to someone, you are not being youself, you're being fake. Thoughts are not stupid. How you think makes up who you are! Just let it roll baby.
2)Body language is important (smiling, nodding, waving, relaxing). Most shy people seem unapproachable because they are so quiet and mysterious.
3) Pay attention. Shy people spend a lot of time in their heads. Don't block out a conversation in order to listen to your own thoughts. If you give people your attention, you can focus on what they are saying, and your thoughts should follow that topic.
4) It's not what you say, but how you say it. Most people don't want feedback, they just want to talk to someone who acts interested. someone who will listen and agree.
Being quiet and shy makes people appear like they have ghosts in their closets. It says:
A)"I don't trust you with my thoughts"
B)"There's things about me that you don't need to know" ("I'm hiding something")
C)"I don't like you"
D) "You bore me"
Being loud and outspoken isn't a great quality, but shy people scare me a little. This is all opinion, and truly is not meant to piss anyone off.
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UncomfortablyNumb
Guest
something i do that seems to help me when i'm nervous trying to talk to someone is i picture what i would say to someone i am very comfortable with, like my best friend or a sibling, and say it.
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Ozzy
Guest
armywife said:
Greetings all. I have a questions and then an observation. What is a 'Junior' user? I thought I would start here since I would assume Junior (youth, child, teen) and the Username armywife would be a strange inconsistency.
"You never know what to say" You might be comparing yourself to others who seem to never run out of things to say. Sometimes, its not how well you can blab, but rather how well you listen. Almost anybody can pick up if someone is truly listening. As for friends...you could rank them from an aquiantance that you see sporadically to those very few friends you would trust with your life.
I have found that self-effacing humor was my way of getting over my EXTREME shyness in High School.
Thanks for the opportunity to post a thread.
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Ozzy
Guest
Ozzy said:
Nevermind the "junior" question...I is now one
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lonelygirl
Guest
Dreaming of Valdez,
Your advice was spot-on. I particularly liked what you said about 'being in your head' rather than being with other people.
I'm a strange mesh of shyness and boldness. Well, I was denied attention by my parents growing up, and was quiet, a book worm.
I decided I didn't like being that way, and became extremely bold. Now, I'm pretty much not afraid to approach ANYONE and strike up a conversation. When I see shy people whom I think seem nice, smart, etc...I just try to bring them out. Sometimes they may not like this because I can be like a bull in a china shop.
Sorry, to all the shy people who've I've hurt. I was just trying to find out what makes you tick!
Shy people are like a riddle wrapped in an enigma...I'm so curious what they have inside!
To me, shyness is almost selfish--like you've got this beautiful pearl inside you but you won't open up and let it glimmer in the light!
Colette, great idea--I have so much advice to give lol...I should have been a Dear Abby/Agony Aunt!
Your advice was spot-on. I particularly liked what you said about 'being in your head' rather than being with other people.
I'm a strange mesh of shyness and boldness. Well, I was denied attention by my parents growing up, and was quiet, a book worm.
I decided I didn't like being that way, and became extremely bold. Now, I'm pretty much not afraid to approach ANYONE and strike up a conversation. When I see shy people whom I think seem nice, smart, etc...I just try to bring them out. Sometimes they may not like this because I can be like a bull in a china shop.
Sorry, to all the shy people who've I've hurt. I was just trying to find out what makes you tick!
Shy people are like a riddle wrapped in an enigma...I'm so curious what they have inside!
To me, shyness is almost selfish--like you've got this beautiful pearl inside you but you won't open up and let it glimmer in the light!
Colette, great idea--I have so much advice to give lol...I should have been a Dear Abby/Agony Aunt!
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husky
Guest
lonelygirl said:
i'll take that as a truth >:-O
