How to tell a friend to talk less politely?

[Felines are superior]

I have a friend, and we go to the park or the beach, and she talks constantly, doesn't come up for air. We can be in the park for four/six hours, and she doesn't stop talking for one minute. It's amazing. I don't know how she does that.

I want her to talk less. Usually, when people walk together, they talk for a while, then walk quietly for a while, and then start talking again. This is what I want, but she's very sensitive and gets insulted very quickly.

It's not that I want a chance to talk, because I don't. I just want some quiet, silence. Because she's exhausting and repeats herself. It's painful to listen.

And she wants to see me once/twice a week, for hours on end each time, and argues a long time when I say I have to go, even with good excuses.

How can I get her to talk less without hurting her feelings? Any suggestions?

 

[Alyosha]

It sounds like your friend is what she is, a naturally talkative person, and you probably just shouldn't hang out with her during times when you need some silence.  If she's as sensitive as you say, I have a hard time imagining that a request for quiet would go over well, regardless of how politely you phrase it.  But if you absolutely must say something to her, it might be good to focus on the value of silence to you rather than on her being a motormouth.

 

[Abstamyous]

Live and let live. Take space as you need it. Do activities together that require silence or quiet thinking time.

 

[BeyondShy]

Take her to the library. She'll tone it down there.

 

[Finished]

Just put a banana in it. Ha! Ha!

 

[Felines are superior]

Live and let live. Take space as you need it. Do activities together that require silence or quiet thinking time.

That's a good idea, but she insists on walking or going to the park. Says she likes nature, but how can you look at nature when you don't stop talking for one minute? How can you focus on anything when you don't come up for air? And she's stubborn. She wants to go to the park, so the park it is. Won't take no for an answer.

 

[Myra]

Maybe you can play something in the park like table tennis? Or any other game. Usually that makes the other person talk less in my experience.

People who talk too much generally know that they talk too much. You can bring it up but it won't change her. It's like people telling quiet people all the time "say something!" "Why are you so quiet?", but it doesn't make the quiet person talk more either.

 

[Just Games]

Maybe you can play something in the park like table tennis? Or any other game. Usually that makes the other person talk less in my experience.

People who talk too much generally know that they talk too much. You can bring it up but it won't change her. It's like people telling quiet people all the time "say something!" "Why are you so quiet?", but it doesn't make the quiet person talk more either.

This^^

I had a mate in my twenties and I must admit like now I used to talk alot with him down the pub myself doing the majority. But we used to go off road biking,play badminton, tennis,squash first which I think was good because even though I was very competitive did shut me up for a good two hours apart from the odd comments.

I think being direct to him/her will only upset your friend and could end a good friendship. Like with small kids wear them out first might help alot.

 

[ringwood]

Spark up a conversation (that is, if you can get a word in) about the value of contemplation and quiet to the human spirit. . . maybe she’ll get the hint.

But as others have said, if she’s just naturally talkative you may just have to go for shorter walks or see her less often. As a quiet introvert, I feel your pain. I have a coworker who is similar, never shuts up!!

 

[Nicolelt]

Take her to the library. She'll tone it down there.

That is a good point...or the movies...or yoga

Have you wondered if that is what she needs from you though? Are you the person she is able to be that way with? Or is she that way with everyone? 

If I want quiet time, I have to be alone. All people are noisy in their own ways.

 

[BeyondShy]

If I want quiet time, I have to be alone. All people are noisy in their own ways.

Now isn't that the truth? I'm sure each of us can think of a few examples almost immediately.

 

[ewomack]

She seems like a fierce extrovert. Does she have other people to talk to or are you her only outlet? Do you think she would do this with anybody? Since you keep agreeing to meet her you can't hate it too much, but I can really understand where it would become overwhelming.

Would she be open to a polite compromise? You can tell her how much you enjoy her company and her conversation, but you would like it to be more two-way, or perhaps punctuated by some quieter moments? Or perhaps ask her why she talks so much?

These all involve a risk, of course, but I think the only way you're going to change the situation is to say something. I don't know if the other tricks that people have mentioned would work in the long term. Buy I also don't know her.

 

[Just Games]

It's funny a trip this New Years reminded me of this thread so as its'Good to talk' from a famous BT advert I thought I'd bring it up here.Anyway I'm not as bad as I said earlier I do listen and have as I got older learnt it works better in a conversation,better than  waiting on every opportunity to get my two penneth in and not really listening to what the other person is saying.I think back then my friend at that time was the only person I trusted outside family so had plenty to talk to him about.

Anyway went visiting to one of my wife's best friends.She had been saying it would be great to see me again which I thought great that is not said that often so I started nagging  the wife about visiting because last time I saw her was for only five minutes the only time I had really seen her before and she was really nice.So we sit down after she stopped running around offering all sorts of things like cake,a meal ,booze ,tea,even a bit of porcelain she had which I remarked looked really nice.
First thing she said after all the preliminaries was I'm a bit chatty and that was it a full hour of non stop verbal without air as you said in your thread OP It was just so amazing i thought jesus i cant even get in with more than wow i love that pot plant you got there the variegated leaves are so......'look I got this one too  re poted in a bigger pot' and that was that she was off again lol.My wife tried also to interject but was just constantly interrupted with stuff about her own goings on from her friend I just gave up and just sat and thought oh well just sit and scoff the cake cant get anything in so what's the point lol.Even when my eyes wondered she'd lock on as though look mate I'm talking here lol don't stop listening which I thought was hilarious. Anyway off she went to get something from indoors and I quickly said wifey ..is she always like this lol  and she laughed yes but shes my babe...I know she loves her known her alot of years but i thought i would like to have talked about anything it was just so weird.I thought of going off on one about a subject for a long time with alot of deep stuff in but thought better not,I'm not great at it anyway.

So I'm not really qualified to give a solution because after that conversation I wouldn't have a clue how to change someone like that

 

[Finished]

 

[Just Games]

No Finished it's not a wise solution buying bananas for these people they're are just likely to talk with a mouthful and it's not a pretty sight. Also very risky walking ,talking,eating fruit of any kind they could choke on it .  :club:.But it's a moot point ,if you buy an extra big one it could work.Plaintains are really big and look like bananas and good for vegan mates.

 

[Abstamyous]

Finished, your signature makes that post even better.

 

[Finished]

^^ and ^ Ha! ha! Well, as soon as the person's starts speaking you just keep offering them food. In the past, I would have just kept giving them cookies. But, now that I eat healthier, a banana is more appropriate. At some point they'll ask why you keep given them food. You say, well, it's not polite to talk when you're eating. Here's another banana. Ha! Ha!

 

[Oranda]

I have a friend, and we go to the park or the beach, and she talks constantly, doesn't come up for air. We can be in the park for four/six hours, and she doesn't stop talking for one minute. It's amazing. I don't know how she does that.

I want her to talk less. Usually, when people walk together, they talk for a while, then walk quietly for a while, and then start talking again. This is what I want, but she's very sensitive and gets insulted very quickly.

It's not that I want a chance to talk, because I don't. I just want some quiet, silence. Because she's exhausting and repeats herself. It's painful to listen.

And she wants to see me once/twice a week, for hours on end each time, and argues a long time when I say I have to go, even with good excuses.

How can I get her to talk less without hurting her feelings? Any suggestions?

Sounds like she should be on medication......

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I thought you were asking us how to get a friend to, "talk less politely." lol. As if you thought she was too polite.

I don't know, good question. I have similar problems. The best way, I think, to resolve this type of problem, is to insert a very blunt, but stabbing, sort of, 'hint.' This type of hint, is the kind, the receiver, upon hearing it, can't be sure whether you meant, 'A,' or, 'B,' but is filled with so much doubt about the intensity of your sincerity, that it becomes a bit disquieting; and upon hearing this hint, a natural silence ensues for the receiver, for a lingering introspection will have developed, as to whether or not what you meant was a bit painfully and strikingly true, or not.

I don't know how you deliver such a remark though. Such procedures arise spontaneously, among the wise, I believe...

An image of two young women walking in the park, comes to mind...

One is relentlessly vomiting words to the other's growing disdain, as she watches even the crows fly away in annoyance. The sun is setting on a snowy day, in the park, and she finally gives up, and realizes she couldn't care one way or the other if a cougar suddenly jumped out from nowhere and choked the words out of her loud mouth with a bite to the neck. Then suddenly, a calm comes over her. She doesn't know from where; but, suddenly the snow covered trees look strikingly beautiful in a way she hadn't noticed before. She pans her vision around as she feels the snow crunching beneath her boots, giving her tiny sensations of joy and satisfaction, who's origin she couldn't know. She looks over at her friend in pure awe. She notices the little lines in her face, the rapid movement of her mouth, and how utterly unaware of her surroundings she is. She imagines a beaver busily gnawing away at wood to carefully craft a damn. She laughs to herself a bit, as she notices the steam rising from her friend's mouth, with every word, and breaks into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. Her friend, stops, and turns to her, looking a bit puzzled, "what are you laughing about?" She speaks with an air of slight annoyance, as if maybe she wasn't getting her much deserved attention.

Her friend, chuckles a bit more, and says, "keep talking, I want to see all that steamy, hot air come out of your mouth; it's sooooo cool!" Her friend doesn't say a word for a moment, then says, "what?"

"I was just watching all that hot air coming out of your mouth, it looks soooooo pretty!" "Say something, please!"

Her friend replies, looking a bit puzzled, and slightly disheartened, "I don't know what to say..."

Then she takes in a deep breathe, exhales slowly, and meaningfully, and says, "doesn't that look neat?"

Her friend, having little idea what she's getting on about, replies, "yeah, I guess so."

For a few moments, she gets a few moments, of that precious silence she was seeking. Eventually her friend, starts talking again, mindlessly vomiting up words; but, she finds she isn't so bothered by it any more. She watches it, studies it, to the point she can't even decipher what she's saying anymore, and is just noticing the rhythm and the changing pitch; how it goes up, down, moves in this direction and that. Before she knows it, they have walked several miles, and several hours have passed.

Her friend, suddenly, goes quiet. She doesn't realize it at first, and they keep walking in silence. Suddenly her friend says, "I think I better get going." But, she doesn't hear her. She heard her, but, it just didn't register, she long since tuned out all the talking and was absorbed in the cold, dark, wintry splendor. "Angela," she says again. "I think we better get going, it's getting late."

"Right," she quickly replies, "sorry I was just day dreaming." They walk back to their cars in silence and say their goodbyes. It had been a bit over three hours and she realized, her friend must have talked herself out.

As she was driving home, Angela just decided to make sure she had other things to get busy with, in the future. She didn't feel quite right making up white lies; so from then on, she just managed to, some how, at the right time, be a bit too busy to spend too much time with her friend. Eventually they slowly drifted apart; but, would catch up, every now and then, from time to time...

 

[Beth Griggs]

Maybe you can play something in the park like table tennis? Or any other game. Usually that makes the other person talk less in my experience.

People who talk too much generally know that they talk too much. You can bring it up but it won't change her. It's like people telling quiet people all the time "say something!" "Why are you so quiet?", but it doesn't make the quiet person talk more either.

How can you play table tennis in the park? You need a big table. Can't carry it there in your pocket.