How will I ever meet someone? :(

[Jim78]

I have lost hope that I'll ever have a girlfriend. I suffer from self esteem issues and find it hard meeting new people and impossible to approach women. To make matters worse I'm jobless and living back at home at 33. I know there's no point even bothering trying to meet anyone in my current state - I mean who would be interested??? I've completely given up and feel unwanted and unlovable. When I go out with my friends I just feel so low when they're talking about their girlfriends, jobs and lives, when my life is so broken. I'm beginning to drift away from them too for various reasons and it scares me, because I know how hard it will be to meet new people. The only person I really have who I can talk to is an online friend who lives in the U.S. She has her own issues with depression/social anxiety though and I don't want to be putting my problems on her when she is so consumed by her own. I don't think she knows how bad I'm feeling. It really depresses me too that she is so far away when I so badly need someone here. Circumstance is probably gonna keep us apart forever which really upsets me. I've begun to think of her as my best friend and I want her around and to get better.

I am really at my lowest point. I'm probably not explaining myself well either, so sorry if I'm rambling. I'm really upset today and needed to get some stuff off my chest. I also feel like I just come here to moan, and worry that it puts me in a bad light.

 

[Sci-Fi]

You know what I've found, when you are down and out these things bother us more and seem so out of reach. Your life has hit a roadblock at the moment, so now it's even more important for you to not to let it get you down. I wouldn't worry about a relationship right now. You need to find a job so you get that feeling of independence back, then work on the other stuff. It might be a good idea to open up to your friend seeing as she would know how you are feeling. If you can't that isn't much of a friendship. She might be more upset finding out that you are keeping your feelings from her.

 

[Tiina63]

Hello Jim78, I am sorry that you are in such a bad place.
SciFi makes a good point that it would be better if you put some things on hold for now and work on one thing at a time. Trying to tackle too much at once will be too overwhelming. At the support group I go to, it was suggested that we work on one issue at a time, and write down steps we can take to sort it out. While you are feeling so low, it might be best if you write down some very basic steps, so that you know you can do them. Trying to do something major would lead to your feeling even more demoralised if you drop it halfway through.
If you decide to concentrate on work, you could look up info on vacancies or courses.
If you go for friendships/relationships, you could try opening up to your friend-she has her own issues, so will probably be understanding towards yours. You could also look for a support group, so that you meet others who are having a rough time and so don't feel that everyone except you is forging ahead. Being surrounded by only those whose lives are working out can be depressing when your own is stuck.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

errr...
I lost my freaken truck. I walked away from some I love very much
with a duffle bag and came home. My belongings are scattered at
different places. I cant really stay at my parents and i cant really
stay at my friends...so I bounce in between.
I cant really rest becuase I dont feel it's my own place.
My **** emotions are all over the place.
I have ducttape wraped around my freaken heart a few times.
I cant find work in this wack out place of 27% unemployment.
It's freaken too hot me. My body still havnt adjust to the climate...
yet to adjusted to anything else.

Everytime i break up with Sassy. I lose everything. Its fucken retarded.
Im like on plan freaken F. The fresia it all plan.lol
Im really really too old for this honeysuckle.

I still go out becuase I simply cant just sit still and stair
at the 4 freaken walls. I know none of it is gonna go anywhere.
My friend is a freaken drunk with crazy ideas.
Im getting drunk too numbing out to all this honeysuckle.

The first thing I need realistically is a decent automobile
so I can get around more to obtain decent employment
and bascailly have a ride to go to work...
There's no way around it.
There's no public transportations where i live.
As far as any course of actions that I can take to improve
my current living situation.

As far as my mental and emotional state???
Wheather I like it or not. Good days or bad days...
Whatever the fresia I feel or think.
Wheather I meet babes or not....
It's realitive to me. I dont take anything Im going
through to heart or any of it serious.
None of this honeysuckle is going to stick to me.
It's not going to matter 1 year from now or 6 months from now.
Life changes....good and bads.

The only lesson I'll learn is not to go back to Sassy again.
A fucken lesson that I havnt learned or never will.lol
5 freaken times already....

I need a decent ride so I can roll...man
Im getting close to obtaining this goal.

I cant compair myself to other people. it'll take me on a crazy mental loop.
It's basic good self esteem...but honeysuckle, it's basic good mental health for me..especially, now.
I cant worry what others might think of me either...this too is basic good self esteem.
But fresia...man with my current temporay life situation. Its good mental health too.

There's other stuff that's helpful...
Be like a ship on the ocean. Always riding above the waves.
Dont let the water get on board or it'll sink the ship or you'll be too bussied trying
to bail out the water.

The ship is you...the ocean and wAves are life experince.
You just gatta learn how stay above it all or you'll sink.

Learn how to look down at life...so everything is under your feet.
Dont sweat the small stuff....it's all small stuff.

Dont make a mountain out of a mole hill. fresia it, everything is a mole hill.

When you look up at life...as if you're climbing a mountain...
Well...it all seems too freaken big and overwhelming.

When you look down at life...then everything seem relatively small and you can overcome them.
One of my favorite saying...
"its all just bumps on the road...man"
ATTITUDE....

You can even apply this same principle with your pains or negative emotions...
When you focus in on your pains...you get tunnel vision. The pain seem big, great and overwhelming.
When you are awear that your are a billion times greater than your pains...the pain is realitively small like
a spect of dust.

When you focus in on your problems...it gets bigger and bigger.
When you focus in on salutions...the salutions gets bigger and bigger too.

 

[AdamGoldman]

@Jim,
I've been EXACTLY in the same place.

with me it was being envy of my brother who seem
to had it all together (looks, girls, friends, career etc)

Something I REALLY find enlightening is this eckhart tolle dude.
BRILLIANT STUFF!

I'd start here:


A really cool video that made me "think"

I also suggest you read his story, and Tony Robins story.

Both were on the verge of suicide ( in ther 30's I think)
and look at them now

 

[firebird85]

Living with your parents and not having a job is going to 100% prevent you from finding a woman. At age 33, I'd say it's even worse. People might get offended at hearing that, but hey....you don't have to take my word for it. Go out there and see. Don't blame me for it, blame it on human nature.

 

[ajdass1]

I'm really sorry to hear you're having such a hard time Like others have said it sounds like a good idea to focus first on finding a job and then worry about everything else after that, rather than try to worry about everything at once. And I'm sure this friend of yours would be willing to hear about your problems and help you through them. I know what it's like to have problems and feel like you don't want to burden anyone with them, but I think people in general are happy to be burdened, even if they can't really do anything to help. Good luck and I hope you get through this... make sure you come back and let us know how everything is going?

 

[Copacel]

I have lost hope that I'll ever have a girlfriend. I suffer from self esteem issues and find it hard meeting new people and impossible to approach women. To make matters worse I'm jobless and living back at home at 33. I know there's no point even bothering trying to meet anyone in my current state - I mean who would be interested??? I've completely given up and feel unwanted and unlovable. When I go out with my friends I just feel so low when they're talking about their girlfriends, jobs and lives, when my life is so broken. I'm beginning to drift away from them too for various reasons and it scares me, because I know how hard it will be to meet new people. The only person I really have who I can talk to is an online friend who lives in the U.S. She has her own issues with depression/social anxiety though and I don't want to be putting my problems on her when she is so consumed by her own. I don't think she knows how bad I'm feeling. It really depresses me too that she is so far away when I so badly need someone here. Circumstance is probably gonna keep us apart forever which really upsets me. I've begun to think of her as my best friend and I want her around and to get better.

I am really at my lowest point. I'm probably not explaining myself well either, so sorry if I'm rambling. I'm really upset today and needed to get some stuff off my chest. I also feel like I just come here to moan, and worry that it puts me in a bad light.

the 1st thing you should do is get a job
and if all you want is pay a hooker for sex
love is a overrated and a lie.

for example, pay for the ''gfe'' stands for girl friend experience

---

Living with your parents and not having a job is going to 100% prevent you from finding a woman. At age 33, I'd say it's even worse. People might get offended at hearing that, but hey....you don't have to take my word for it. Go out there and see. Don't blame me for it, blame it on human nature.

god **** it
when i read honeysuckle like this pisses me off.
WOMEN DONT DATE BROKE MEN UNLESS YOU'RE IN
A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY...JESUS

WOMEN THINK OF THEIR FUTURE AND THEIR
OFF-SPRINGS IS SIMPLE
EVOLUTION; MAN GIVES WOMEN PROTECTION AND MONEY
FOR THEIR SON
AND WOMEN GIVE SEX FOR THEIR PROTECTION AND MOENYT
JUST EVOLUTION MADE IT THAT WAY.

 

[Rigel]

Really, you have to get a job. as for meeting people, you could search the internet, chat rooms, or this forum, where (most) people aren't that judgmental, and you can maybe have a long distance relationship with someone. i've met a few people here when i was looking to make friends in the past

 

[Phaedron]

"Not that judgmental" Well thats leaves Rigel out. Don't trust ******** like Rigel who are so ******* sensitive you have to watch every little goddamn thing you say or do around them. This is the kind of person that will toss you to the wolves if they don't like the sound of your voice or one word you say. Who needs people like that? With friends like that who needs enemies?

 

[Gutted]

Just take things one step at a time my friend. You're like me to an extent. I have a job but my employer rarely gives me any work. This has caused many issues with the council. So I need to sort employment out first. I live at home too and in fact, I am not too keen to move out yet as it will hurt me financially, unless I stop working. This is not deemed attractive to the average girl but do I give a crap? Nope. Got more important things to think about, as have you. As for friends, be overly annoying. Nag them to come out. I do it. I text, inbox, pm, the lot! They like the hassle really. If you contact them at the right time, when they could do with help, they'll hit you in future. Again, one step at a time buddy. As long as you have food to eat and a roof over your head, it can be worse. I'm here as well. You (and anyone) can always PM me if you wanna chat about anything at all~