How you feel about yourself

[Luna_luce]

How do you feel after speaking with someone you know? Do you feel you have mad a good impression? Do you think that you might be friends with him/her in the future? I always look down on myself   
I never know what to say because I fear I might say something nosey or stupid...

Yes, I always try to make a good impression. Perfect impression, better said. I think that's where things go wrong. Although I feel insecure, I can talk to strangers..when it's formal it's ok...But I cannot seem to learn how to deal with intimacy of any kind....Getting to know people, friendships, relationships...

 

[mimizu]

Same.. I never made any friends. I don't know how. Today, going from work, I saw two grandmas walking, holding their arms.. I felt jealous of them because I never had anything close to that (like going home together with someone and talking).. and I am 21. I am just not good enough for anyone...

 

[Luna_luce]

Same.. I never made any friends. I don't know how. Today, going from work, I saw two grandmas walking, holding their arms.. I felt jealous of them because I never had anything close to that (like going home together with someone and talking).. and I am 21. I am just not good enough for anyone...

Aww, come on. You know that's not true. You just maybe lack some skills for making friends, but that's something that can be learned....

 

[keeper]

I'm often afraid to speak up to ppl I don't know. Every time I've tried to overcome my shyness by saying something funny they thought I'm stupid. I think I'm not funny at all...
If I try to say something serious they get bored and go away.
The result is that I hardly talk to strangers. When I do that, I just talk about my work. I know this isn't a good topic if you want to get into a deeper relationship, but I always fear to say something wrong or awkward.

 

[Luna_luce]

I'm often afraid to speak up to ppl I don't know. Every time I've tried to overcome my shyness by saying something funny they thought I'm stupid. I think I'm not funny at all...
If I try to say something serious they get bored and go away.
The result is that I hardly talk to strangers. When I do that, I just talk about my work. I know this isn't a good topic if you want to get into a deeper relationship, but I always fear to say something wrong or awkward.

My therapist gave me one good advice about this, when I feel terrified because there are some unknow people. He said that all I have to do is mentally(!) hit them. In that way, they become less scary. Try this sometimes, I have tried and it works. Sometimes

 

[keeper]

My therapist gave me one good advice about this, when I feel terrified because there are some unknow people. He said that all I have to do is mentally(!) hit them. In that way, they become less scary. Try this sometimes, I have tried and it works. Sometimes

Hm.. please Luna_luce can you explain? Do I have to imagine myself beating them up in a ring?

 

[Luna_luce]

My therapist gave me one good advice about this, when I feel terrified because there are some unknow people. He said that all I have to do is mentally(!) hit them. In that way, they become less scary. Try this sometimes, I have tried and it works. Sometimes

Hm.. please Luna_luce can you explain? Do I have to imagine myself beating them up in a ring?

Well, something like that, yes The thing functions like this: if you are afraid of someone, then that's because you put your projections on them. People are really not that scary, but because of some of your bad experiences from the past or fears, you cannot see them. You only see your fears and that's what makes you tremble.

So, when this "mental rant" starts to unfold in your head, you should somehow break the projection that this other person is scary or that he/she can do something to you - reject you, or laugh to you (which is in the basis of your fear). You have to somehow bring her on to normal level. So you mentally hit them, or do whatever agressive you want to do with them -that's acknowledging your fear , because by some psychological schools fear is really repressed anger. So, that's mentally acknowleding your anger.  Anger because they don't understand you, or will laugh at you. And it should help. Something like that, it's hard to explain.

 

[keeper]

I think I got it! I'll try to do so and I'll check if it works well for me. Thank you very much, Luna_luce!

 

[Luna_luce]

I think I got it! I'll try to do so and I'll check if it works well for me. Thank you very much, Luna_luce!

You're welcome

 

[Geoffessex]

Im new on here but reading all of your posts I can see alot of traits in myself. The strange thing is in my work role I am very confident and outgoing however as soon as work has finished I am back to square one not speaking to people and going back in my shell.

 

[Mandydb2]

I'm like that too geoffessex, but i wouldn't say i was very confident but i am outgoing when i am interacting with the public in my job but as you say when work is over I descend back to the shy person I am. xx

 

[bri]

hmm i do that too... you wouldn't know from interacting with me that i'm lonely! i guess we all have a lot in common eh

 

[Mandydb2]

indeed we do Bri, funny isn't it how we are all lonely but all for different reasons and different situations. It's lovely to have people that understand what we are going through. xxx

 

[iny_75]

thats the greatest topic in the forum really i engoy it and paula4u is the star here , she is fighting her loneliness and helping others to ,,,, she is so good at it ( hug ,, kiss)

 

[angeLLblueshadow]

i usually think i'm being nice and that we get along pretty good, and i'm looking wonderful, but that's only for about some minutes, then the truth comes upon me, nobody likes me, and they just try to be nice to me at first then they just show the truth, they totally hate me...

 

[iny_75]

i usually think i'm being nice and that we get along pretty good, and i'm looking wonderful, but that's only for about some minutes, then the truth comes upon me, nobody likes me, and they just try to be nice to me at first then they just show the truth, they totally hate me...

u just need someone to understand u and treat u as u like , u need someone to see ur heart and how u kind person dont give up

 

[Jeremi]

Thanks to some wonderful workmates I've managed to improve my social skills. It's still not easy to just talk to people I don't know. Every conversation feels like a challenge that I have to get trough. I started my university education recently, and there's a lot of new people to talk to. I can talk about anything, seriously, but I just don't know what to say sometimes. I'm too afraid of making a fool out of myself, so I just stick to the boring stuff, asking about things in school ect, and then there's that awkward silence, and I just want to run away. Some people are easier to talk to, but I'm still so afraid of letting people close to me, so I can never talk about personal stuff. I still feel pretty good about myself. I really try to talk to people. I haven't fallen into that "person that doesn't talk to anyone" role that I had in grade and high school.

 

[tashar_boo]

i know how you feel.. i'm ususally shy till i get to know the people and hope that they don't like or judge me for what i do or what i am.. i usually judge myself and put myself down and wish and hope that they'll respect me and like me for who i am..
it sucks doing it in the process but i'm scared of saying the wrong thing too..

 

[MemyselfandI]

I have to say its strange...i am constantly criticising myself because i should be happy. But i am so lonely its scary!
I love being with people but then i can feel i hate it too...because i dont fit in. I always seem to say the wrong thing! I really hope i can stop caring about what other people think! Once that happens then people flock around you!

 

[Vector]

I love being with people but then i can feel i hate it too...because i dont fit in. I always seem to say the wrong thing! I really hope i can stop caring about what other people think!

he he he, very very true MemyselfandI,

i love being with people but then i can feel i hate it too!! because i dont fit in! i always seem to say the wrong thing! i really hope i can stop caring about what other people think! copyright MyselffandI 2007!
lol
exactly! the same here.