Arapahokid15
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Okay, these happen every now then like a wave. I go through a binging episode to where I can’t get this one girl out of my mind…we will just say her name is Kelsey…This week has been that. Kelsey came across my mind and she’s stayed ever since and it’s driving me insane. Here’s the backstory of where I’m going with this…
Mid 2012..I add Kelsey on fb because I seen her in a pic with other girls on a public page with listed names. I searched and found her. It was like a month or so later and I messaged her leading to general conversations. We grew close. Texting, playing those fb games together so on so fourth. I was falling. I’m fresh out of HS at this point so I’m all new to this whole love game.
Sometime in the year 2013, Kelsey tells me she found a bf which tore me up on the inside as you can imagine. I was broken on the inside but began to and continued to encourage her and her bf at the time. I made it seem like I was happy and joyful for who she had. That was my mistake.
***Remember, she has no idea how I feel about her.***
He was from Canada and she was from Kansas. They met at this festival for music and dance somewhere I can’t remember. Anyways..it amazed me how they managed to keep it together for so long into the next year.
They never seen each other other than a couple times when he came down for USA Thxgiving and she went up for Christmas while texting and calling to keep the comms between the two of them.
It’s May 2014. Their relationship was starting to become rocky and it took a slight turn. It’s time for her to graduate HS. She wanted him to come down and watch her grad. He straight up told her no because it’s too far and he didn’t wanna spend money for an evening. So that upset her. I had already made plans to go up and be with her for her grad and she knew that too. I brought one of my friends with me that night. My friend and I sang this little song to her to close out her graduation dinner with her family and grad gift exchanges.
September 2014.
Theyre relationship took a turn for the best (lol). I was on the way to have a jam session with the boys, go play some songs in the basement for a Friday night. Needless to say, we jammed only a couple songs rather than a set list amount because I was broken…
I grew some balls and told her how I truly felt…it was a long paragraph that took forever to write. I awaited a response and she sent it. It was one sentence that read. “Bryce, I only think of you as a friend”. That right there messed me up real bad. I still felt the effects for a few years after that. I did bring this on myself and it brought my world to a temporary end that evening.
Where I went wrong was i jumped on the wagon when she was still about the other guy. I got trigger happy and made myself look like a clown.
Before I told her my feelings for her, we’d hangout every now then when we’d see each other at events that us and our friends would meet up at. A couple times, it’d be just me and her sitting together watching everything. I think one time we had like Denny’s or ihop late at night one time…I can’t remember it’s been forever
I haven’t spoken to Kelsey since that evening I expressed myself. I deleted her off everything because we became ruined and I was embarrassed. All my friends who I’m close to know how I truly feel about her. They knew how much she meant to me and how much more she would’ve meant to me if she was mine. They all know the whole story. Every now and then I’d see her around and it’d just set me a rewind back to to the good times when I felt like she was the only person in this world. One look at her is all it took to break me down on the inside but to also send me into a feeling of euphoria. She’s had this bf for a few years now but I think they split or something I honestly don’t know. He’s got money because he gets oil checks and he’s popular..he’s like a celebrity but not like those in movies. More like in a very large social group of people that we all know. I myself get oil checks too but there no more than $100 once a year and I’m not popular by any means whatsoever…but that’s beside the point lol.
Today, October 2021, I still feel the same way about Kelsey as when I fell for her the first time I seen her 8 years ago. When I think of her, I think of her genuinely. I feel like no one else exists. Right now I can’t bring myself to talk to a different girl because she’s all I see in this world. She just doesn’t realize what kind of mark she left on me. She has a piece of me… Like that spot in my heart truly belongs to her, she left her imprint in my heart. Yeah I could get a different girl and go through the motions and she could take that spot but she won’t fit perfectly. There’s only person who does and that’s Kelsey. She’s what I call, My Life Crush. I’ll always have that thing for her, I mean I’ve had it since even through being friendzoned..I still feel the same. This is something I will take to my grave. I don’t think I’ll ever receive the privelage of having her hand, being the one to lift her veil, giving her my respect and honor she deserves in a husband. It’ll remain a figment of my wishes being played out like a perfect movie scene. Sometimes, I like to think she’s gonna add me on fb and dm me. Sometimes I hype myself up to do it but I don’t because I’d just end up making myself look like a clown.
If we happened to have gotten and stayed together, it would’ve been 7 years. I would’ve married her a long time ago. I’m going to feel really bad when she announces a pregnancy.
Anyways..I appreciate all you readers and responders. Feels good to express myself.
Mid 2012..I add Kelsey on fb because I seen her in a pic with other girls on a public page with listed names. I searched and found her. It was like a month or so later and I messaged her leading to general conversations. We grew close. Texting, playing those fb games together so on so fourth. I was falling. I’m fresh out of HS at this point so I’m all new to this whole love game.
Sometime in the year 2013, Kelsey tells me she found a bf which tore me up on the inside as you can imagine. I was broken on the inside but began to and continued to encourage her and her bf at the time. I made it seem like I was happy and joyful for who she had. That was my mistake.
***Remember, she has no idea how I feel about her.***
He was from Canada and she was from Kansas. They met at this festival for music and dance somewhere I can’t remember. Anyways..it amazed me how they managed to keep it together for so long into the next year.
They never seen each other other than a couple times when he came down for USA Thxgiving and she went up for Christmas while texting and calling to keep the comms between the two of them.
It’s May 2014. Their relationship was starting to become rocky and it took a slight turn. It’s time for her to graduate HS. She wanted him to come down and watch her grad. He straight up told her no because it’s too far and he didn’t wanna spend money for an evening. So that upset her. I had already made plans to go up and be with her for her grad and she knew that too. I brought one of my friends with me that night. My friend and I sang this little song to her to close out her graduation dinner with her family and grad gift exchanges.
September 2014.
Theyre relationship took a turn for the best (lol). I was on the way to have a jam session with the boys, go play some songs in the basement for a Friday night. Needless to say, we jammed only a couple songs rather than a set list amount because I was broken…
I grew some balls and told her how I truly felt…it was a long paragraph that took forever to write. I awaited a response and she sent it. It was one sentence that read. “Bryce, I only think of you as a friend”. That right there messed me up real bad. I still felt the effects for a few years after that. I did bring this on myself and it brought my world to a temporary end that evening.
Where I went wrong was i jumped on the wagon when she was still about the other guy. I got trigger happy and made myself look like a clown.
Before I told her my feelings for her, we’d hangout every now then when we’d see each other at events that us and our friends would meet up at. A couple times, it’d be just me and her sitting together watching everything. I think one time we had like Denny’s or ihop late at night one time…I can’t remember it’s been forever
I haven’t spoken to Kelsey since that evening I expressed myself. I deleted her off everything because we became ruined and I was embarrassed. All my friends who I’m close to know how I truly feel about her. They knew how much she meant to me and how much more she would’ve meant to me if she was mine. They all know the whole story. Every now and then I’d see her around and it’d just set me a rewind back to to the good times when I felt like she was the only person in this world. One look at her is all it took to break me down on the inside but to also send me into a feeling of euphoria. She’s had this bf for a few years now but I think they split or something I honestly don’t know. He’s got money because he gets oil checks and he’s popular..he’s like a celebrity but not like those in movies. More like in a very large social group of people that we all know. I myself get oil checks too but there no more than $100 once a year and I’m not popular by any means whatsoever…but that’s beside the point lol.
Today, October 2021, I still feel the same way about Kelsey as when I fell for her the first time I seen her 8 years ago. When I think of her, I think of her genuinely. I feel like no one else exists. Right now I can’t bring myself to talk to a different girl because she’s all I see in this world. She just doesn’t realize what kind of mark she left on me. She has a piece of me… Like that spot in my heart truly belongs to her, she left her imprint in my heart. Yeah I could get a different girl and go through the motions and she could take that spot but she won’t fit perfectly. There’s only person who does and that’s Kelsey. She’s what I call, My Life Crush. I’ll always have that thing for her, I mean I’ve had it since even through being friendzoned..I still feel the same. This is something I will take to my grave. I don’t think I’ll ever receive the privelage of having her hand, being the one to lift her veil, giving her my respect and honor she deserves in a husband. It’ll remain a figment of my wishes being played out like a perfect movie scene. Sometimes, I like to think she’s gonna add me on fb and dm me. Sometimes I hype myself up to do it but I don’t because I’d just end up making myself look like a clown.
If we happened to have gotten and stayed together, it would’ve been 7 years. I would’ve married her a long time ago. I’m going to feel really bad when she announces a pregnancy.
Anyways..I appreciate all you readers and responders. Feels good to express myself.
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