I am a certified incel

[SpectraApocalypse]

What if literally no one in my life is attracted to me? What if the the only relationship I had was a ploy to manipulate me and keep tabs on me? What do I do?

 

[Adamridge79]

Maybe take up knitting?

 

[SpectraApocalypse]

Maybe take up knitting?

Nothing really distracts from the harsh reality of my situation

 

[Adamridge79]

aresinec?

 

[Adamridge79]

I do sort of get it...no one gives two *****

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Awh im sorry, sounds awful, I’m sure its not true though, being attractive is deffo subjective. Everyone has their own taste.

 

[Adamridge79]

Prime example

 

[Adamridge79]

Oh...she thinks made up portraits is attractive

 

[Adamridge79]

**** em....live out of spite

 

[TheSkaFish]

**** em....live out of spite

Actually I agree with this. If you give up, the world and the haters get the last laugh, the world and the haters win.

 

[ardour]

It may be accurate as a descriptive, but it means a whole lot more than that. You're taking on all that stigma, for what?

The depressing truth is we are fully grown adults that have to-date been unable to form an intimate bond with a member of the opposite (or same) ***. There probably is something off about us, how we're presenting ourselves, or our lifestyle. Unless you're hideous there's an element of personal failure in there. Even the nastiest bad faith interrogators have a point. It's even more easy for them if you embrace a stupid label such as that.

 

[SpectraApocalypse]

**** em....live out of spite

I do lmaoo

 

[whitepeony]

Once upon a time, I had a friend, and we graduated and continued our dialogue for some time. I told her that I am being rejected and that it looked as if the others - who were insensible and brutal - wanted to kill me. She told me that if she were in my place she would have outlived malevolence and rejection and proved that she is happy in spite of others as if to annoy them, to displease them. She died in a car accident at 50 years of age, I am still alive. To be honest, I cannot live out of spite, this is too little too late, but maybe this is a good idea in less serious and transitory situations. I think that being on the upper side of the ground is always better than being down there. I think that we can, at least, do the best we can from the reality that we are facing - as so to be content every evening. I think that every life is useful, and we can enjoy the feeling of being anonymously helpers for the good functioning of the system. I think that if we are dropouts or hurt, we are still valuable. At least unconsciously we are contributing to the overall welfare of the world because everything is connected through our psyches, including us, the misfits or the rejected ones. Nonetheless, we can enjoy life as it is and, if we are bullied, we are allowed to feel or act superior to them, but this is only a temporary solution. A question we can meditate upon is: What if I were in a remote place, in a small village or hamlet, where, besides low commodities and less comfort, we can find but fewer than, let's say, 10-20 people. Without family, living on our own. As if we were in a Wuthering Heights scenery. Then we would be obliged, forced to fully appreciate and cherish all the others, who are at least humans, even if bad people. We would have to construe our own world, our universe, from scratch, just think about this! So, what we create or destroy through thoughts and feelings is our choice and our responsibility. Only now do I realize that this tread was about dating, but maybe my thoughts are partially adequate for that too.

 

[TheSkaFish]

It may be accurate as a descriptive, but it means a whole lot more than that. You're taking on all that stigma, for what?

The depressing truth is we are fully grown adults that have to-date been unable to form an intimate bond with a member of the opposite (or same) ***. There probably is something off about us, how we're presenting ourselves, or our lifestyle. Unless you're hideous there's an element of personal failure in there. Even the nastiest bad faith interrogators have a point. It's even more easy for them if you embrace a stupid label such as that.

Agreed, it's not a good thing to label yourself because these days it goes beyond just a statement of fact whether you're sleeping with someone or not. These days there's the whole added stigma, which instantly triggers the contempt/disgust reaction - the "eww"/"you're not good enough" reaction, from most people. And in my experience this is worse than actually being evil, because "weak"/"harmless" is the worst thing a man can be, or just be seen as (followed closely by "boring"). "Evil" might at least be strong, so they'll at least always have that. And no one would accuse "evil" of being "boring" either, whether you agree with them or not. But "weak" has not just nothing, but less than nothing. It gives you negative influence with people, like a penalty.

You have to be careful about full disclosures, honesty is a good thing but too much can hurt you at times. We owe full disclosure on some things, but not everything. This is a truth I've been reluctant to embrace.

Agree with the "something off", "how we're presenting ourselves", and "lifestyle" parts.

I wouldn't really call it "personal failure" though, because that plays into the worldview of the social Darwinist ******** and their backwards hierarchical/competitive survival of the fittest beliefs where some people are superior and some people are inferior and your place in life is predetermined by the luck of your genes, though they will also shame/invalidate/dismiss you for not working hard enough even as they don't really believe it will make any meaningful, significant difference in your life - it says that they are right and I don't believe that. They just say that stuff to try to humiliate you and feel like they're better than you, not to offer any kind of real advice.

It reminds me of Calvinism. I always knew there was something wrong with it, and Calvinists, that I didn't like but couldn't quite put my finger on it but it's this, the beliefs in predetermination, superiority and inferiority, survival of the fittest/natural selection. It used to be predetermination because of religious beliefs, but now it's predetermination based on genetics. I hope it's wrong, but this is what I'm afraid of.

People like that are often just trying to climb the social ladder by using the same bullying tactics that were used against them. They think that will work for them, because they saw it work for the people that bullied them in the first place. But what they seem to miss, is that trying to have that personality, but without backing it with any real strength or power, will get them nowhere. They don't get that you have to actually do more and be more, than just mindlessly repeating conservative buzzwords and phrases about "hard work" and stuff like that, that they picked up somewhere. They're just posers, just bully-wannabes. They're narcissists and sadists, and full of ****.

I think it's more like, you can live your whole life wrong if you don't get the right information in the first place. If you don't know any better you might find that you barked up the wrong tree. I think a lot of it is naivete/ignorance. Issues left unaddressed tend not to go away on their own - if something on your car or house breaks, the problem usually doesn't just fix itself and go away one day.

What I think it's all about, seems to be your ability to succeed/produce/achieve, or compete at something. Basically you have to have a strength somewhere, because a lot of attraction seems to be based on being able to impress and interest someone - getting their respect and making them think and feel something good about you. And if you're strong somewhere, you can like whatever interests you want - it isn't "nerdy" interests that are the problem, it's not having a strength. People just have to know that you have SOME strength, somewhere in life. And if you're strong in at least one thing in life, you can feel confident in yourself too, that you have at least ONE high card. That's what I think it is, anyway.

@SpectraApocalypse , is there something you're good at already, or would like to be?

I think that might be a good place to start. Cause then you can be confident that you have at least one thing you do well, and have at least one thing you're interested in about yourself, and one thing you like about yourself. You can have something to build a strong, clear, healthy identity around. Just a thought.

 

[Xpendable]

I'm going through a journey of self improvement, don't sure if it will work but there's still something to gain.

 

[HorseLatitudes]

What if literally no one in my life is attracted to me? What if the the only relationship I had was a ploy to manipulate me and keep tabs on me? What do I do?

Im also a loveless looner scum of the earth, replaceable human, but I will never be an incel, that is just an easy gate, believing im superior to everyone and im rejected beacuse of society, embracing right wings theories, no sir, Im a good person and even in loneliness you should remain a good person, nobody loves you and that is hurtful but is my fault and I can solve it, it got nothing to do with women, politics, negroes or migrants, is just me, get away from that community, this comes from an ex incel, I realised how ****** up that community is and trust me, Id rather be alone

 

[CenotaphGirl]

You have to be careful about full disclosures, honesty is a good thing but too much can hurt you at times. We owe full disclosure on some things, but not everything. This is a truth I've been reluctant to embrace.

You have nooo idea… none… how long I have waited for someone to write this! This is key.

 

[ardour]

You have nooo idea… none… how long I have waited for someone to write this! This is key.

Some topics can't be avoided during the course of getting to know someone. There's no way an older man (identifying as incel or not) is going to be able to hide his inexperience. What are we going to say when they inevitably bring up past relationships? Change the subject? They would see right through it. At that point all you can do is try not to appear angry or bitter about it.

Our lives are simple in their emptiness, meaning we are open books whether we want to be or not. Bad relationships are possible to hide, but there's no way to hide a complete absence of life experience and the insecurities and ineptness that comes with that.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Some topics can't be avoided during the course of getting to know someone. There's no way an older man (identifying as incel or not) is going to be able to hide his inexperience. What are we going to say when they inevitably bring up past relationships? Change the subject? They would see right through it. At that point all you can do is try not to appear angry or bitter about it.

Our lives are simple in their emptiness, meaning we are open books whether we want to be or not. Bad relationships are possible to hide, but there's no way to hide a complete absence of life experience and the insecurities and ineptness that comes with that.

I mean its not really about hiding things, but some guys are sooo forward Ardour. They tell you wayyy too much of their business. I’m not being funny, but some guys even lead with their lack of luck with women… like wow cant believe I got a date with you, I dont usually have much luck…. These are things I suggest men dont do. Also theres no need to go in to past things that do not concern me, I think the reason why some men do this is because they skip passed the normal courting stage in their brain, they go straight to the wifey stage confiding personal things that are just inappropriate for the length of time they know me and also for the level of feelings they should have for me at that point. Like, keep your cards close to your chest… is my honest opinion and I feel like people make excuses, just dont do it. If a guy asks me something I dont wish to share… do you honestly feel that I would waste my time indulging in uncomfortable convos? It would never happen…. Unless… he’s Irish, i’d tell that man my bank details

 

[ardour]

I mean its not really about hiding things, but some guys are sooo forward Ardour. They tell you wayyy too much of their business. I’m not being funny, but some guys even lead with their lack of luck with women… like wow cant believe I got a date with you, I dont usually have much luck…. These are things I suggest men dont do. Also theres no need to go in to past things that do not concern me, I think the reason why some men do this is because they skip passed the normal courting stage in their brain, they go straight to the wifey stage confiding personal things that are just inappropriate for the length of time they know me and also for the level of feelings they should have for me at that point. Like, keep your cards close to your chest… is my honest opinion and I feel like people make excuses, just dont do it. If a guy asks me something I dont wish to share… do you honestly feel that I would waste my time indulging in uncomfortable convos? It would never happen…. Unless… he’s Irish, i’d tell that man my bank details

There's a inevitably to "jumping ahead" and investing emotionally too early on. The analogy to a starving person wolfing down their first meal in forever is apt, and it applies to any kind of socially deprived state, including making friends, where oversharing is common. Excuse? Sure, but often when I've behaved that way I've been aware I was doing it at the time and couldn't stop myself. Sometimes I was so desperate to fill in awkward silence in the conversation with anything. ('Anything' usually being something too personal or controversial as a go-to)

The situation where we wouldn't feel compelled to behave this way is where we weren't that keen in the first place. So the relationship that might work out would be the one we didn't want, and the one we did want is wrecked because of inappropriate neediness. Just a shitshow really.