I Don't Know What Flirting is

[Jesse]

There's been a few times that I've been with friends or relatives and I ended up talking with a female. To me it's just two people talking, but when it's over, whoever is with me says, "Wow, she was definately flirting with you and you were with her too. Why didn't you make a move?"

Well because I didn't know she was flirting and I didn't know I was either and even if I did know either of those I don't know what "making a move" means or how to do it. Why do I have to make moves anyway?

For me, once I get to know someone and am comfortable enough with them, I will simply say, hey I like you, would you like to go do such and such? But apparently I'm supposed to play this "game" where I never know for sure if she likes me and I never tell her that either. I'm supposed to know by minute movements of her body, tones of voice, and skin color variations during interactions. I'm not a T-800 with a neural-net processor, a learning computer. I'm just a simple man. I either like you or I don't and it doesn't take me long to know. Unfortunately once a person knows I like them, even if they were interested, they aren't now because I'm supposed to be a "challenge".

I believe I've been born in the wrong time. Send me back to the caveman days- :club:

 

[VanillaCreme]

"For me, once I get to know someone and am comfortable enough with them, I will simply say, hey I like you, would you like to go do such and such?"

That actually isn't bad. Personally, I wouldn't mind someone saying that to me. I'd prefer it over the childish games some people like to play.

 

[Jesse]

Me too. I wish it worked.

 

[luciddisconnect]

Hey man, you just hit the nail on the head! This is pretty well the flaw with the entire courtship system in this country and possibly the world.

Myself; I kind of know if I'm flirting. It's the difference between a typical boy / girl conversation and one that has a warm fuzziness to it. That's all.

Damn, I haven't had the chance to flirt with anyone in forever!

You have to be the one to make the move because males are supposed to be dominant and females are supposed to be submissive. Girls almost never make a move, so if you're a submissive sort of guy, too bad. Stupid ******* gender roles!

Anyway, I don't understand why males and females can't begin friendship in a non sexual way. Because for me attraction always begins simply as curiosity about who someone is. It's never been the stereotypical "damn that girl's fine, maybe I should take a shot at her."

Here's another question: Why is it that any time a man and woman go out alone together it's considered a date?

I think that it's a lame cultural rule. This pretty much means that I can only ever be friends with one female at a time. The only exceptions for unaccompanied male / female hangouts that I can think of would be either: male and female coworker at work, or male and lesbian friend (so long as there is an absence of possible sexual attraction). Otherwise it would be considered bad form to be simultaneously "dating" two women.

And once you're married, your wife is the only female you get to know well for the remainder of your life. Get together for a movie with another female you're accused of cheating and adultery. As if no married guy in the world can manage to keep his **** in his pants when he's alone with another female.

Hey, I've got an idea! Let's base our society off of jealousy. That'll make for some healthy relationships.

 

[Jesse]

I agree about the date thing. Really I don't like labels when it comes to stuff like this. It puts pressure on the situation when you should just be having fun. Why can't a guy and girl just go out like normal friends would? I think once you start saying things like date and boyfriend or girlfriend it messes stuff up.

 

[packyourbags]

I agree about the date thing. Really I don't like labels when it comes to stuff like this. It puts pressure on the situation when you should just be having fun. Why can't a guy and girl just go out like normal friends would? I think once you start saying things like date and boyfriend or girlfriend it messes stuff up.

yeah, i couldnt agree more. i mean... i do usually read body language really well, but still - why the hell not just say what you mean?

or just go out and have fun and not make a huge unholy mess of it.
you are right imho.

oh well :/

 

[ledchick]

I get told all the time that I am flirtatious when I am around other people. I dont think that is how it is, I am just a very friendly person, i.e. I will touch your shoulder, hug you, I am compassionate and a good listener. In turn I get some people who think that I am 'interested' in them when I am just being polite and kind. I have to be careful how I am around others or I will end up hurting someones feelings unintentionally. It makes it hard to even be nice to some people because it is interpreted as flirtatious, when in reality I am just being a kind human being who cares.

 

[Jesse]

I get told all the time that I am flirtatious when I am around other people. I dont think that is how it is, I am just a very friendly person, i.e. I will touch your shoulder, hug you, I am compassionate and a good listener. In turn I get some people who think that I am 'interested' in them when I am just being polite and kind. I have to be careful how I am around others or I will end up hurting someones feelings unintentionally. It makes it hard to even be nice to some people because it is interpreted as flirtatious, when in reality I am just being a kind human being who cares.

Yes see, I've had girls do this with me and at first I thought it meant they liked me, but I found out I can't rely on it. Actually I can't rely on anything it seems other than maybe, Hey! I like you! lol.

 

[ledchick]

Yes Jesse, girls a total mystery...even to me and I am one of them. I know that there is not a definite line where it goes from just a interaction to flirting. I think most girls only know how to flirt, it is a way to ensure they are liked, because they have low self esteem, as well. It is like in My fave movie Eternal Sunshine, where Jim carrey's character says to Clementine, " I assumed you ****** someone, it is how you get people to like you" So even if most of these girls say they are flirting.....they are!...let me add...they are not flirting for you they are flirting to make themselves feel good about themselves.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

What Women Really Mean


You want = You want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is *** all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me?= I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes
to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're
stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at
a few new pocket books, and OMIGOD those pink sheets would look great in the
bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
The answer to "What's wrong?"
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing = Everything
Everything = My PMS is acting up
Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an *****
I don't want to talk about it = Go away, I'm still building up steam

 

[Jesse]

What Women Really Mean


You want = You want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is *** all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me?= I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes
to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're
stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at
a few new pocket books, and OMIGOD those pink sheets would look great in the
bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
The answer to "What's wrong?"
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing = Everything
Everything = My PMS is acting up
Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an *****
I don't want to talk about it = Go away, I'm still building up steam

Yeah i think I'll just choose lonliness.

 

[Jesse]

Damn it, I hate flirting! Because I don't know how to or how to tell! I hate it! Why can't I just be like, hey! I think I like you!

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Damn it, I hate flirting! Because I don't know how to or how to tell! I hate it! Why can't I just be like, hey! I think I like you!

dude= Wow!!!!

Girl = ?

Dude= Well....
You're so beautiful that there's not really an actual word to discribe it.
It's everything rolled into one.
You're drop dead gorgeous.
You stundenly beautiful.
You're hot
You're cute
You're fabulous
You're the perfect woman.
I've had never seen a beautiful woman as you.
I might had dreams and had visions of you from the day I was borned.
I never thought you exist..Maybe­ only in my mind or dreams.

Men will fight and die just to be with you.

"Wow"...was all I could get out. You leave me breathless.

Girl= Thank you for many complimenst but i think im looking ordinary.

 

[Get Down!]

Seriously? i love flirting lol.
whatever that means anyway.

but i really don't think it's such a big deal and when i talk to the guy i don't think of my actions as 'flirting'. It's such a weird word with some weird artificial meaning lol. It sounds very Cosmo-like.
So if i like the guy i'm being nice, i ask things, i laugh. i try to be interesting enough to keep him in my company. So if everything goes great we exchange phone numbers or such.
But if you want to flirt with a woman just to get laid later in the evening i have no idea what to do
Or i do.. just talk to the drunk-est woman you see.
Seriously, many people i know got lucky like this.

 

[Jesse]

No I don't wan to flirt with a woman to get laid. I want to flirt in a way that she knows i like her without e having to say i like her. And how I can tell if she likes me without having to ask, hey do you like me?

I just want to take a girl out and get to know them and see if I like them or not, but it's tough to get one to go out.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

No I don't wan to flirt with a woman to get laid. I want to flirt in a way that she knows i like her without e having to say i like her. And how I can tell if she likes me without having to ask, hey do you like me?

I just want to take a girl out and get to know them and see if I like them or not, but it's tough to get one to go out.

What you mean ???...
Spend some time in nature . Even the birds has to do some strut'in, flirting and making moves.

How do you mean if you can tell if she likes me or into me???
She has her tounge ramming into my mouth and her hands in my pants.
Errr...I don't un zip my pants.

And how in the hell can I ask her if she likes me..when she's the one that's on top with her hands
going all over my body and french kissing me?

 

[Get Down!]

well in that case i don't have any idea what 'make a move' means either or when there's a perfect timing to do..the move.. i admit, it's so easy to be a girl at times like these because it's usually up to a guy to make another step.. or at least in my case,i'm too shy
so, what's wrong with 'two people talking' as you put it? If you expect something more from that woman this is exactly what you should be doing..talking to her! Any additional 'move' could lead to a conclusion that you want something from her NOW or SOON (that's why i've mentioned a one night stand option, which certainly requires some fast moves).
I think that if you just talk to the woman you'll eventually figure out on your own if she's into you. If you're not certain by the end of the day, make sure there's gonna be another day, ask her for some contact information.

 

[Jesse]

I think that if you just talk to the woman you'll eventually figure out on your own if she's into you.

No I read them entirely incorrectly. Women that aren't into my I think are and women who are I think aren't.

Lonesome, I think if a girl was doing that to me I'd think she liked me, but they don't tend to do that lol. I'm just frustrated and confused

 

[Get Down!]

I think that if you just talk to the woman you'll eventually figure out on your own if she's into you.

No I read them entirely incorrectly. Women that aren't into my I think are and women who are I think aren't.

here's your answer then! everytime you come to a conclusion - make it just the opposite

 

[cheaptrickfan]

here's your answer then! everytime you come to a conclusion - make it just the opposite

The George Costanza? I find that I have to do that a lot too. lol

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