I don't know what to do

[Drew88]

As some of you are aware, I am currently in a relationship where the amount of time I get to spend with her is less then I would like. Now I understand that there always things going on in life that prevents what you may want, but that doesn't change what you want. I can not help but feel like I am not important. She has class and work which I am aware of, but other things she seems to devote her time to seems less independent then I would like. For Example, she always has to be home for supper and Rarely goes back out She always has to go back home to her own bed even though her school is only a couple blocks away from my place. I feel like I am in High School with all these curfews and families events and family dependence. I just feel so discontented. I thought that I wouldn't be spending so much time separate and alone. I don't know what to do besides just to stick though it. I also know that I have no commitment to stay if I feel like I am not getting what I should be, but I also know that it would be hard to find someone who is like her.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hi Drew. I'm not sure if I've followed your story but have you not talked to her about it? Find solutions to this problem or this issue you are facing? In a relationship, both side must learn to compromise. Each of you have things to do in life besides tending to each other, and both of you need to find a balance.

But if she's not willing to compromise and it's making you miserable? I don't know what to say man. Move on. Don't build this negative feelings within you... over time.. they might just turn to resentment towards her. :\

 

[duff]

if your not happy tell her. See what happens !

 

[perfanoff]

Seems like your girlfriend puts her family before you. Whether it's fine for you or not is up to you.
How long have you been together?

 

[Drew88]

Hi Drew. I'm not sure if I've followed your story but have you not talked to her about it? Find solutions to this problem or this issue you are facing? In a relationship, both side must learn to compromise. Each of you have things to do in life besides tending to each other, and both of you need to find a balance.

But if she's not willing to compromise and it's making you miserable? I don't know what to say man. Move on. Don't build this negative feelings within you... over time.. they might just turn to resentment towards her. :\

I feel like its starting to affect how I feel but her.

if your not happy tell her. See what happens !

She knows that time is an issue

Seems like your girlfriend puts her family before you. Whether it's fine for you or not is up to you.
How long have you been together?

couple months



EDIT: now I have to look into getting a bigger bed so she can MAYBE stay the night at my place. The fact that I have to look when she has 2 Queen bed, Sigh.

 

[perfanoff]

Be extra patient then man. You two are just starting out. Give it a time limit (a year?) before you make the decision this is a dead end.

 

[Drew88]

Be extra patient then man. You two are just starting out. Give it a time limit (a year?) before you make the decision this is a dead end.

thats a year that may be a waste, I may not have that luxury.

 

[perfanoff]

If you rush too much and lose her, then you'll realize what waste truly is. You can't possibly demand her to change her whole world for you in an instant. Even if she did, it wouldn't be good for her. Patience and understanding is key.

 

[Drew88]

If you rush too much and lose her, then you'll realize what waste truly is. You can't possibly demand her to change her whole world for you in an instant. Even if she did, it wouldn't be good for her. Patience and understanding is key.

Miserable ether way, so whats the point.

 

[perfanoff]

Then dump her so she can find an emotionally mature guy who will make her happy.

 

[Drew88]

Then dump her so she can find an emotionally mature guy who will make her happy.

thanks for the support.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hi Drew. I'm not sure if I've followed your story but have you not talked to her about it? Find solutions to this problem or this issue you are facing? In a relationship, both side must learn to compromise. Each of you have things to do in life besides tending to each other, and both of you need to find a balance.

But if she's not willing to compromise and it's making you miserable? I don't know what to say man. Move on. Don't build this negative feelings within you... over time.. they might just turn to resentment towards her. :\

I feel like its starting to affect how I feel but her.

if your not happy tell her. See what happens !

She knows that time is an issue

Seems like your girlfriend puts her family before you. Whether it's fine for you or not is up to you.
How long have you been together?

couple months



EDIT: now I have to look into getting a bigger bed so she can MAYBE stay the night at my place. The fact that I have to look when she has 2 Queen bed, Sigh.

You've been together for just a couple of months and you're already unhappy and you're not willing to wait it out or be a bit more patient if she is agreeable to make compromises after a certain period of time when she's more available.

Doesn't that say something?

Then dump her so she can find an emotionally mature guy who will make her happy.

thanks for the support.

To be honest, perfanoff has a point in a way.. if you're not happy and don't wish to wait for her to make agreeable changes and compromises between the both of you, then you're just making each other miserable. And as you said above, it has started to affect how you feel about her. This isn't a good sign, dude. It's time to do some serious thinking, if you want to continue this relationship, persevere (no relationship is ever ever easy to be honest, it always takes a bit of work and tension at times) - or if you want to just give it up and find someone else who is more compatible for you and your needs.

Either way, good luck. Let us know how it goes. Or what you've decided.

 

[Drew88]

Hi Drew. I'm not sure if I've followed your story but have you not talked to her about it? Find solutions to this problem or this issue you are facing? In a relationship, both side must learn to compromise. Each of you have things to do in life besides tending to each other, and both of you need to find a balance.

But if she's not willing to compromise and it's making you miserable? I don't know what to say man. Move on. Don't build this negative feelings within you... over time.. they might just turn to resentment towards her. :\

I feel like its starting to affect how I feel but her.

if your not happy tell her. See what happens !

She knows that time is an issue

Seems like your girlfriend puts her family before you. Whether it's fine for you or not is up to you.
How long have you been together?

couple months



EDIT: now I have to look into getting a bigger bed so she can MAYBE stay the night at my place. The fact that I have to look when she has 2 Queen bed, Sigh.

You've been together for just a couple of months and you're already unhappy and you're not willing to wait it out or be a bit more patient if she is agreeable to make compromises after a certain period of time when she's more available.

Doesn't that say something?

Then dump her so she can find an emotionally mature guy who will make her happy.

thanks for the support.

To be honest, perfanoff has a point in a way.. if you're not happy and don't wish to wait for her to make agreeable changes and compromises between the both of you, then you're just making each other miserable. And as you said above, it has started to affect how you feel about her. This isn't a good sign, dude. It's time to do some serious thinking, if you want to continue this relationship, persevere (no relationship is ever ever easy to be honest, it always takes a bit of work and tension at times) - or if you want to just give it up and find someone else who is more compatible for you and your needs.

Either way, good luck. Let us know how it goes. Or what you've decided.

We are working though it as we both know its a issue, as I am not the only one who is not too happy with the lack of time being spent. She is too, but not as much as me. As far as my feelings go towards her, I feel alot better have just spent sometime with her today. We both do actually. I do not want to give up. BUT, I will complain. Thats me.

She is different then who I am and the way that her life is, it slows me down. Which is a good thing, especially after how my last relationship went.
As far as what Duff Says, I DO make her happy. She said so herself, even in my times of despair and frustration.