I don't understand my autistic brother..

[IgnoredOne]

The thread on autism made me realize something - despite having known my brother for my entire life, I cannot say that I understand him at all.

I don't know why, for example, he can prepare for a class simply by reading the entire textbook. Tasks which I would consider dull to the extreme, he can attend to with a focus and devotion that seems unreal. Before every lecture, he will read the attendant chapters; before the course is finished, he has long read the entire textbook.

I understand that he has a competitive drive, but so do I, and yet, I cannot muster that kind of enthusiasm.

I don't understand why despite having a 4.0 GPA and a class full of As, he dropped out of college in anger for not being able to become a doctor at the specific university he was in. To be anything else was "unrespectable", even though he could have become a medical professional of any other type, or even have applied to be a physician at other university. Yet, he would rather simply drop out and never finish his college.

I understand that his technical skills led to him amassing a fortune, one which I dimly dream and aspire to, creating his own company and singlehandedly running, operating and handling every aspect of the company. Yet he could never even work with a single employee, and every person he 'hired' was a girl who he was trying to effectively bribe into a relationship with him.

I don't understand why he can never even get into a single reasonable relationship; his near complete inability to make friends, or why he seems to creep people out - why does he have such ridiculously poor hygiene? Why does he follow people around when he wants to talk to them, like a lost duckling, then stand by silently? What awkward conversations does he have with the women who he manages to impress by his money into having conversations with him, as he essentially seems to stare and try to completely fail to communicate, relate to people on a normal level.

I wish he could rein in some form of latent rage and anger in him, or at least express it in a good, honest fury. His bitterness is like bile, and he has a venom that seems to cause him to rail against the world, but makes no real effort do anything about it. Ultimately, he seems like a kind of a precocious genius child, yearning for what seems to be normal things, but somehow unable to grasp the parts to interact with it. He has taken to hating me, angry that I have any happiness, almost, becoming verbally abusive and insulting my girlfriends...almost a kind of bitter loss of what seems to be denied to him.

I wish I understood him. He's my brother. I'm supposed to, right?

 

[Pheenix]

I'm not sure if I'm just wasting time and space with a fairly obvious comment here but; obviously, you will never be able to quite comprehend. The guy thinks in other ways than you. It's sorta like if someone always started smiling when he was sad. It just wouldn't make sense to you.

That said, I am no autist, although my cousin is, and I am interesting in seeing what people will tell of in this thread.

 

[allanh]

It is known that autism is a medical condition and there are medication for it to control the symptoms. Some of your brother's behaviours may be able to be explained by his autism.

My guess is that he is very lonely as well and while his behaviours are not generally accepted by the society, I think you can help him by trying to talk to him and understand his point of view... and perhaps take him to a doctor? Being left alone will just make him more secluded from the society and worsen his condition.

 

[VanillaCreme]

My brother isn't autistic, and I still don't get him. Beat that.

 

[Callie]

I'd rather not understand my brother than my own son.... I can't even figure out what to get him for his birthday on Tuesday.

 

[rosebud]

I'm sorry for your brother. Nobody can fully understand him. Even people without autism are hard to understand. Just always be there for him, no matter whether you completely understand him or not.

 

[Cathedral]

I have in common with your brother that I may be considered creepy by whoever I meet and that I have a burning hatred for the world. What I don't have is the academic prowess and it seems like I've given up on meeting a girlfriend months ago.

What your brother really needs to do is just live his life and stop being so goddamned picky. I wish I had his abilities and not be depressed and afraid, I'd probably be one moderately rich *******.

 

[paulo]

It is known that autism is a medical condition and there are medication for it to control the symptoms. Some of your brother's behaviours may be able to be explained by his autism.

this pisses me off a little.
it is not a sicknes it cant be cured.
its a disorder.
you cant just get over it or take a pill to make it all better.
its the brain that works in a different way than it was "supposed" to.
you can leurn to understand and live with it, there is medication to help with that.
although that feels to me like hiding the problems by taking pills to mask them.
doesnt fix anything, it just hides it.

its verry difficult to explain how autism works.
because not understanding you own feelings and emotions has a lot to do with it.
i understand the fixation part.
being focussed on 1 thing and just going for it, a bit like an obsession really.
if your good at it and it good well it makes you feel good, its really quite hard to stop actually.
if your studdying for something its a good thing.
but if it doesnt go like you thought it would it can mess you up pretty good.
controll and order are verry importand, makes me feel safe.
so planning out everything is a way to keep things manageble.
if something unecspected happens or doesnt go the way i planned i can get really lost and confused.
simply changing your plans and going in another direction isnt easy or doesnt even seem possible sometimes.
it might not ever occur to him.
so quiting or dropping out seems logical.
"its nog going the way i planned so im not gonne do it anymore."
an autistic mind isnt verry flexible.

there`s a lot more i could tell you but its getting way to long already

 

[allanh]

Paulo, I never said autism can be cured. I said the symptoms can be controlled with medications such as antidepressants and antipsychotics , depending on the symptoms exhibited by the patient. Of course, cognitive behavourial therapy is still the first-line management.

Autism is part of the DSM-IV psychiatric condition and should be managed accordingly by a qualified psychiatrist.

 

[paulo]

i know what you ment.
its just calling it a "medical" condition implies its a "healt" issue that can be cured.
you cant cure autism cause its not a sickness.
im not sick, im just different.

i know you didnt meen it like that but i felt a little offended.
ah progress,
i felt offended and i recognised it as feeling offended

 

[allanh]

sorry I may have come off a little insensitive... that is my problem with the way I communicate, I apologize.

I have a cousin who has autistic tendency as well and it really pains me to see his suffering. I do feel for you and hope that there will be eventually be a "cure".

I guess the least we can do here is to provide moral support.

Stay strong

 

[paulo]

no need to apologize.

i tend to just say what i think without thinking about it a little bit first.
it does not always come out the way i ment it

personaly i dont want to be "cured".
i like who i am, i need to work on a lot of things but im glad i am the way i am.
i do wish id be accepted a little more for who i am.
i dont fit in like a "normal" person.
but i am being forced into living a normal live.
thats where most of my problems come from.
people who dont think like i do trying to make me do the things they think i should be doing cause that is what people are suppost to do.
that doesnt work.

ofc it depends on what part of the spectrum you are on.
but i think a lot of autistic people would feel a lot better if they would just be left alone to do what they wanted by themself.
im not saying its a good idear though
a lot of my problems come from the outside world invading my personal mental space.

 

[allanh]

thanks, it does show me a new perspective from what you said.

When you are by yourself, say doing your own thing, do you feel lonely at all?

 

[paulo]

if im really into what im doing i just get angry if im being interrupted.
or if theres just someone in the house with me, that distracts me.
so ill be happier when im alone.
i also need a lot of time to sort my feelings and think about everything.

it take`s me a lot longer to get that lonely feeling than most people.
i can go for weeks just by myself and be perfectly happy.

but i do get lonely and i do need people.
but just having people around and interacting with them can cause me a lot more inner problems than it does me good.

so it is a choise i have to make, if i have a choise that is.
can i handle it that day, if not im i gonne risk a little meltdown in exchange for a little company for a day or so.

 

[Cathedral]

I just wish I weren't depressed and didn't have ADHD so bad. Antidepressants and antipsychotics have only helped me gain weight.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I just wish I weren't depressed and didn't have ADHD so bad. Antidepressants and antipsychotics have only helped me gain weight.

Some individuals with Asperger's, I understand, excel at one field while being unable to accomplish much socially. I believe that my brother is affected by that - he is immensely capable of certain types of learning, but not at all of others.

 

[ShybutHi]

My brother is autistic. He is the same in that he is excellent at certain types of learning but terrible at others. He is not good at understanding other people's points of view and it can cause arguments sometimes. Nevertheless he has a great job, he is an intelligent guy and is a member of a few different clubs so he keeps busy.
He is actually probably better socially than me just because I have been such an introvert throughout my life, he is more extroverted than me but he sometimes has problems with understanding his own and other peoples emotions and points of view.

 

[paulo]

Some individuals with Asperger's, I understand, excel at one field while being unable to accomplish much socially. I believe that my brother is affected by that - he is immensely capable of certain types of learning, but not at all of others.

we have a more fact based mind i gues.
if its logical or just facts than its easy to work with and understand.
like working with numbers and mathmatics.
if you know the rules and follow them you will always get a logical answer.
the emotion and feelings part is a bit messed up.
the intuition part doest work that wel either.
when you deal with people there is no logic or straight honest answers.
people lie or bent the truth for good and bad reasons.
or just wont tell you anything, except for facial expressions and body language and subtle hints.
if you dont pick up on those your pretty much screwed.

seems to work the other way round to.
we dont seem to send those signals out.
witch makes sense sinds, when you grow up you mimic you parents and other people to leurn stuff.
if you dont pick up on those signals you will never have leurned how to use em.