I feel like writing a letter of complaint...

[oopsiedoop]

I was treated rudely not once but twice at a club, and I want to write a letter of complaint. But with social anxiety, this is terrifying. I know in some way the "just do it" attitude will help me get started, and then I don't have to send it if I don't think it makes my case well. But I'm still terrified! This is clearly senseless. I did start a draft. I could write about the incident in my journal I suppose. But that might backfire since it will feel too safe and "in my head" and then get even more confused. It's just that degree of terror, that I can't even write a draft I might not send. I think because I do intend to send something, so I'm afraid of getting carried away. So instead I freeze. I already thought of something very important that hadn't occurred to me this whole time I've been thinking about it. Being rash is not the same as being bold, but I wouldn't know the real difference because I have never been bold (though I've been rash and that did not work out too well, predictably).

This is a new location of a party I've been going to for a decade at various other locations. I've never had a problem, so the people I know should be on my side, but there's always a first time. And if that happens, I'd be in a worse position than I'm in now. I'd be not just treated rudely but maybe banned. And that would be devastating. I'd rather just learn to play by the rules at this new location than have that happen.

When I face things like this I've figured out from experience that it's the universe telling me to move on. I can only hope that the moving on is the complaint letter, rather than me having to part ways from this club night which would be as painful as leaving what was a loving family.

The worst part of this is not the actual facts of this case but that I am constantly in this position where I am too afraid to do anything about anything. And it's all because of "what will people think" and that I'll be left out in the cold completely, even though I'm only in the chilly foyer and not the actual party anyway (metaphorically). I know I'm supposed to go where people actually easily accept me, but that seems like a tall order since they never do anywhere I've been.

 

[xrchz]

Have you written more context for this post somewhere? Or could you write some more details, or maybe start the letter here? How often does this party happen, and what's it about? What happened at the new location?

 

[oopsiedoop]

well it makes sense to want to have other's opinions as a sort of survey of what might happen. but in this case, i really don't feel comfortable opening up that can of worms. suffice to say i haven't been in any trouble over the same behavior at other venues for over a decade. it's an ongoing thing, very important, the core of my social life even though i don't know people well because of my social anxiety, and has just started at this venue (so they don't know any of us very well, either, including the promoters/dj, who have even more at stake--but i've been a good customer). plus, what's really at stake here for me is when something is important to me, and i feel frozen, because that's a theme that's pretty much a daily thing for me, since i'm paralyzed in every aspect of my life because of it. so, it's like..others aren't always there to take a survey of, and that approach can be a bit dodgy anyway.

 

[IgnoredOne]

As the customer, you are always permitted to complain. Whether it means much is a different story - heaven knows that I mildly glance at the complaints sent in by the customers and pitch them into managerial oblivion, but I think you're agonizing over something far more than it is ultimately needed.

 

[jjam]

The thing about complaining is I always question what it is I wish to accomplish with it. The truth is, I wouldn't want to see someone fired for treating me rudely, although I don't know of the extent of rudeness you were subjected to. We all have rough moments where we're not at our best. More than anything, I'd like for that person (or the persons) to just try to be stronger so that they can be closer to their best more frequently than to their worst.

 

[oopsiedoop]

As the customer, you are always permitted to complain. Whether it means much is a different story - heaven knows that I mildly glance at the complaints sent in by the customers and pitch them into managerial oblivion, but I think you're agonizing over something far more than it is ultimately needed.

This guy is after me for some reason. Twice over nothing, and where he didn't even make any sense the first time.

---

The truth is, I wouldn't want to see someone fired for treating me rudely,-

I do. But more than anything yeah I just want him to leave me alone.

 

[IgnoredOne]

As the customer, you are always permitted to complain. Whether it means much is a different story - heaven knows that I mildly glance at the complaints sent in by the customers and pitch them into managerial oblivion, but I think you're agonizing over something far more than it is ultimately needed.

This guy is after me for some reason. Twice over nothing, and where he didn't even make any sense the first time.

I'll write the complaint letter if I was you. If the employee bothers me, then tell his manager that and if nothing else, I can say that I did my best to get him off my back. See if you can also talk to the manager about this, in person?

 

[oopsiedoop]

I'll write the complaint letter if I was you. If the employee bothers me, then tell his manager that and if nothing else, I can say that I did my best to get him off my back. See if you can also talk to the manager about this, in person?

I could write the manager I guess. I just have to write the DJ too though. And probably first. I realized talking about it today I have nothing to lose because in actual fact, the guy is after me so there's no way I can go there and have a good time. The DJ might not do anything but if it makes things worse, so be it. I just can't put up with one more episode of this bs. But, I still want my letter to sound great, so I'm still putting it off because of course that makes sense (ha).

 

[oopsiedoop]

I started a longer version and then wrote a freewheeling one so as not to maybe offend with being too serious or whiny. This is the short one:

I had a couple of problems with this one security guy at XYZ Club the two times I went to XYZ. I figure that they are not familiar with our group and we must be on our best behavior. They seem to be sussing out whether it's a good fit? However, I believe they went too far and it is impossible for me to go and have a good time by acting as if I'm in Stalin's Russia. I just wanted you to know because I really feel humiliated and will be sad to miss out on XYZ.

I edited for the sake of posting here of course.

Does that work?

 

[IgnoredOne]

Personally, I'll just be professional and crisp.

"Hello, I have been a customer at XYZ club for this number of years and I have always enjoyed my time there with my group. However, recently one of your employees has made my visits much less enjoyable and I wish to discuss his behavior,

1) first example

2) second example

3) third example

It is impossible for me to enjoy myself with rules that feel like they are better in a police state than a club. Please speak with him and address this, as I would be very sad to have to leave the club because of his behavior.

Thank you in advance for your time,
..."

This way you are not even attacking the person in question, but specifically his behavior, which must be corrected. At the same time, you do not compromise or humiliate yourself, while clearly letting the manager know that if he does not address the unpleasant behavior, then he stands to risk to lose you as a customer.

 

[oopsiedoop]

My longer version had what happened, but that's when I thought oh maybe feel him out first. Like, if he asks what happened, it's a green light to explain. But if he says, "Well, we don't have any power there since we're new" then I didn't humiliate myself yet again by someone else knowing the story.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Well, you would know best on what exactly to do, since you're closer to the situation. Good luck.

 

[oopsiedoop]

Well, I could also talk to the manager as you suggested. That never occurred to me because I thought I'd have better luck with the DJ and promoters as being the ones to set the tone, as well as because they know me. But, considering what I realized about them being maybe not able to do that, since they're not the owners, your suggestion might well be the way to go. I guess..I have to talk first to the people I know. I mean, the other thing is if they don't want me to complain, I won't..in other words my loyalty is to them even if they don't back me up because hey, I'm just a guest, it's their gig.

 

[IgnoredOne]

In a match, a boxer throws a number of punches so that enough of them will connect to k/o his opponent.

The same goes for here: use multiple methods. Make sure that your voice is heard, as much as possible.

 

[oopsiedoop]

Dearest Mr. DJ XYZ

I want to come to XYZ Saturday but I had a couple of problems with this one security guy at XYZ the two times I went.


First time was the worst infraction and set the tone I suppose. However, I also feel that said tone is also independent of any particular infraction and that is my concern. it is impossible for me to go and have a good time by having to act as if I'm in Stalin's Russia. I was even asked if someone can "vouch" for me -- vouch what? That I'm not a rapist?

 

[IgnoredOne]

That sounds fine. I would send it off asap; timeliness is a virtue, every bit as valuable as precision of word.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

As the customer, you are always permitted to complain. Whether it means much is a different story - heaven knows that I mildly glance at the complaints sent in by the customers and pitch them into managerial oblivion, but I think you're agonizing over something far more than it is ultimately needed.

This.

I can't see why on Earth they'd ban you from the club for complaining. If they did that, they're just reinforcing that they treat their customer base badly. You can then mention that to people you know and they'll lose revenue.

Is the DJ a regular there? (I apologise if you've already said, I'm feeling a bit tired and dopey at the moment ). If it's one of those places that invites different DJs in all the time, you probably would have better luck complaining to the manager. The DJ just keeps the music going most of the time, he'll not have much say in what the guys outside do at the door.

At least, that's the way I look at it.

 

[oopsiedoop]

The DJ does two nights a month there -- the nights I attend. I never thought about it from the manager angle, and I already sent the DJ a complaint notice. I did try to think this out but now I think I put it together wrong. I guess I thought I'd have better luck with the DJ since he knows me. Also, that he had to know first anyway if the manager asks about me. I mean...to stand up for me, he'd have to know what happened.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

The DJ does two nights a month there -- the nights I attend. I never thought about it from the manager angle, and I already sent the DJ a complaint notice. I did try to think this out but now I think I put it together wrong. I guess I thought I'd have better luck with the DJ since he knows me. Also, that he had to know first anyway if the manager asks about me. I mean...to stand up for me, he'd have to know what happened.

I wouldn't worry too much about the specifics. If you know the DJ, he should at least bring it to the attention of the manager. He should be sympathetic regardless, it's not like he'll be happy that good customers are being kept from seeing him.

To me, if you're not causing any sort of trouble as it would seem, it's inexcusable that you were treated poorly. If the DJ cannot help you, the Manager will be the person who 100% definitely employs the guy and he can probably have a word with him.

They will have no desire to stop good customers from entering their venue, so clearly something was or is going wrong.