I felt nothing when I saw he went out on a date with another woman.

[imyownpeople]

Long story short. I met this guy and made it strictly about sex from the first date. Sex is really the only way I can communicate with someone. I hate talking, and I hate expressing my feelings. When I do I feel hollow, like I am faking it and that others can see through the mask. I act like a completely happy person until someone gets to know me, which I rarely let happen.

We have had sex/been on 'dates' three times. I'm not even that into the sex, or into him for that matter. I hang out with him because I like hearing his stories. He says he is sad/lonely as well and I like seeing how he deals with things. He is going through a divorce and I, as sick and sorry as it sounds, just like hearing his sorrows.

Physically, I'm not attracted to him. As a person he's not very remarkable, which makes me feel like **** for judging him so harshly. I don't know why I keep letting him have sex with me even though I don't like it. I don't know why I still feel the urge to hang out with him even though we aren't very compatible.

Last night I went through his Ipad while he was sleeping (I have insomnia) and saw that he had went out on a date with another girl this past Monday. I felt a pang of what I guess I could call hurt, but it didn't last long enough for me to process it. I figured we aren't exclusive, so why should I feel upset, especially when I feel so very little for him at all?

I kind of brought it up, but I stopped. I don't want to ask because he never asks me about myself and I'm fine with it. I would get annoyed if someone asked me personal questions like that. I just listen to what he says when he offers it.

I don't know if I'm normal or not. I've always felt like a shell, or a parasite feeding off of other people. I just had to tell someone about this, and telling people who I don't know and will never know over the internet makes me a little more comfortable.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Have you talked to a therapist? You might benefit from that.

It sounds like he's only in it for the sex, and not for anything else. This is common when you make things about sex from the beginning. I don't know what to say, other than a relationship build on trust and friendship usually fares better than one built on lust.

 

[Ak5]

Since you've made this a "relationship" all about sex, it doesn't surprise me that he would be seeing someone else. If your feeling uncomfortable you can always cancel it off.

 

[Anten]

This is really over our heads because you have deeper issues than we can not help you with. You are afraid to let anyone in and you use sex as both an outlet and a way to try to get some sort of meaning in your life.