Friends and family insist that Im not narcissistic but its just them lying to me as part of the method of non confrontation as recommended by most psychologists
I'm going to gamble a bit here; but, that's the problem. People tend to think psychologists have it all figured out. They don't. The ones that think they do, are probably a danger to themselves and others, quite literally, and the ones that know they don't know ****, are rare, and will tell you up front, which is challenging.
If you want my opinion, there is such a thing as a well adjusted narcissist. Such a person wouldn't be perfect, or any more saintly than the average person; but, more or less, perhaps more, perhaps less, has the ability to function in life the same as any other person, with out even necessarily coming to own the distinction of being a, 'narcissist.'
Psychology isn't really a science, to the same degree as the science of Newtonian physics. A billiard ball is much more deterministic than observations governed by the uncertainty principle, time, innumerable variables, changing perceptions, trends, etc.. Educated people can often be fooled into thinking education equals insight. Likewise, uneducated people can often be fooled into thinking knowledge is wisdom. And both people are quite capable of being foolish irresponsible self-convinced idiots...
Yesterday's great discovery is often tomorrow's misguided ignorance of the past.
So, you sound a bit like a fish that's concerned he/she might drown, to me... heh.
My mother has done all sorts of selfless acts her whole life, and has been loved by many, many people, though she has been estranged at times from her family, has had her failings with them, is often impatient, and some of her family is quite foreign to her. Does she do good deeds because she is a good person? Or does she do good deeds because she wants to be a good person so she can get into Heaven? Who could say. The nature of a good person is to do good. The nature of a selfish person is to do selfish things for personal gain.
Is a helpful deed any less helpful if the person providing the help, did it for purely selfish reasons? Does it matter? Can not a blind man be a discerning connoisseur of fine art, even though he can not see it with his own eyes?
I'm not certain of much else, concerning your issue..
I do know, however, that in a room filled with 10 narcissists, there are no narcissists, just 10 normal people. And in a room filled with 10 narcissists and 1 very selfless and beneficent person; there is 1 person with a very serious problem that must be resolved at all costs!
Your film recommendation: A Fish Called Wanda
Your TV series recommendation: House, M.D.
Good luck..
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