I hate social media

[lmph8885]

I haven't been here for a while. That doesn't mean that my life has gotten better. The past months have been full of depression, have still struggled with alcoholism, rejection, failure, etc.
The title of my post has to do with the rejection feelings I have these days. Facebook has positive and negative effects on me. I live far away from my country so fb helps me keep in touch with family and friends, see their pics and it's a practical way to be informed about their lives, event and social invitations, etc.
Yet, I have considered closing my account at least for a while. I'm a 30 year old single woman. I'm Latin American so at my age, I'm already a spinster. The fact that I'm single at my age is not the biggest issue because I don't care what people think about my situation. What hurts me is the loneliness and feelings of inadequacy my situation provokes me.
Friends my age are mostly married or in relationships. Honestly, I feel jealous. For me it has always been so hard to keep a relationship. I recon that being single has let me have some liberties that have been beneficial but at the same time, I ask myself what is wrong with me. I have been in relationships and that is probably more than some people have achieved. Yet, I've never been in a satisfying relationship. Men that like me, well I can't like them back. Trust me, I do give them a chance and try all my best to be open and give it a go. It has never worked. I hate it but I can't help not being able to control it. I think that if I could control it I wouldn't be alone. The worst thing is that I end up hurting this men. That is why lately I won't give it a go with anyone that I feel insecure with about my feelings.
Men I like, well they don't like me back. Some years ago, I was in a relationship in which I really liked the guy and did anything I could to keep him happy. I knew deep inside that he didn't feel the same way but I made the mistake of ignoring those suspicions. I would post pics of us on fb, and he, well he posted 0 pics of us. I thought back then that maybe he wasn't a fb kind of guy. He ended up dumping me and months later started a relationship, from where he proudly post pics of him and this new gf. Was he ashamed of showing me around? I had been in a relationship years before this one in which the guy was ashamed of me and tried to hide the relationship.
So, recently I had a similar rejection. Somebody that I liked for months rejected me, played with my feelings and offered me a casual non committing relationship which I obviously rejected. I'm a good woman, how could he think I would be only good enough for sex? He knew how I felt for him and I went through a lot of **** for him, how could he offer me that? About a year ago, he was in a relationship and he posted so many pics of her, saying how beautiful he thought he was (he wrote a comment about it), looking so proud and happy to be with her. With me, he rejected me and basically left it clear that I'm not good enough and that all I can aspire to is to have sex with him. This broke my already damaged self esteem.
How could some men be loving and caring with some women and horrible with others? Sometimes I feel that I'll never fall in love and be loved back and that men I feel attracted to will always find me not good enough. I am not shallow, yet I can't control who I feel attracted to.
Then again, feelings of inadequacy invade my mind. Yesterday a guy in a restaurant said to his friends that I was a transvestite. I'm sick of people making this transvestite / transsexual comments about me. Just makes me realise that men might find me unattractive and hence, wouldn't be proud of being with me, hide any type of relationship with me or just offer anonymous sex to me.

 

[constant stranger]

Hello again Imph885. Things haven't improved much for you since you were last here, eh? I'm sorry to learn that. You deserve better.

 

[SofiasMami]

People mostly lie on social media. People won't say that the fantastic looking selfie took 73 tries before they got a good photo. Or that the husband that sent the huge bouquet of flowers (photo caption: "I have such a wonderful husband!! #blessed #humbled) sent those because they had a huge knock-down drag out fight last night with threats of divorce bandied about. Or that their child who's an avid musician with academic prowess hasn't picked up their saxophone in months and they just failed a few exams. Or that they took an amazing vacation in Mallorca but are now up to their eyeballs in credit card debt because of it.

But I sense your post isn't really about social media, it's about your deep feelings of loneliness. Being insulted by a jerk in public is like rubbing salt in the wound, it seems. By the way, there's a special place in hell reserved for people who mock others' appearances. It's intolerable, in my opinion.
I don't have any special words of advice here, but we're here to listen.

-Teresa

 

[Peaches]

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[Batman55]

Maybe you need to try seeing the kind of guy who doesn't have a Facebook account where they post pictures of their girlfriends, the social events they attend, and believe the lie that somehow they are incredibly important and the whole world wants to know what they do. The only guys I know who go the whole nine yards with their Facebook account--as in the aforementioned--are overly confident and some are quite arrogant. Is that the only thing you're looking for? What about the other direction? Shyness is very attractive, also. I highly recommend it, or at least, finding some way to be intrigued by it.

 

[matt4]

Let me first say. I think your problems are being primarily compounded by your alcoholism and low self-esteem.
Looking outwardly in is fine in moderation but you only gather negative thoughts and never see the positives about yourself. When we spoke I could see you were a caring, attractive person. Social media can be really detrimental to psychological well-being. Remember when you see pictures or videos of what someone is doing, they are just mere snapshots of life. Not the full story.

Don't focus on getting into a relationship now. I know it's hard when your alone but work to fix things in your life first. Then you'll find you have the confidence of being in a better place mentally, alongside the attractive qualities you already possess. Try not to run yourself into the ground because of what some jerks say. Try and keep that head up. You can do this. You will fall in love and be loved back, but first you need to try to open up for change. In turn when you gain confidence in yourself, you may find yourself finding more suitable partners.

Keep your head up. Try and get help with your alcoholism and self-esteem. We are with you

People mostly lie on social media. People won't say that the fantastic looking selfie took 73 tries before they got a good photo. Or that the husband that sent the huge bouquet of flowers (photo caption: "I have such a wonderful husband!! #blessed #humbled) sent those because they had a huge knock-down drag out fight last night with threats of divorce bandied about. Or that their child who's an avid musician with academic prowess hasn't picked up their saxophone in months and they just failed a few exams. Or that they took an amazing vacation in Mallorca but are now up to their eyeballs in credit card debt because of it.

But I sense your post isn't really about social media, it's about your deep feelings of loneliness. Being insulted by a jerk in public is like rubbing salt in the wound, it seems. By the way, there's a special place in hell reserved for people who mock others' appearances. It's intolerable, in my opinion.
I don't have any special words of advice here, but we're here to listen.

-Teresa

Here, here!

Maybe you need to try seeing the kind of guy who doesn't have a Facebook account where they post pictures of their girlfriends, the social events they attend, and believe the lie that somehow they are incredibly important and the whole world wants to know what they do. The only guys I know who go the whole nine yards with their Facebook account--as in the aforementioned--are overly confident and some are quite arrogant. Is that the only thing you're looking for? What about the other direction? Shyness is very attractive, also. I highly recommend it, or at least, finding some way to be intrigued by it.

I'm not sure how many people actively engaging with Facebook are necessarily arrogant and overconfident. They may have confidence granted, but the proportion of whom who are arrogant?? I actively post (not that I get out much, ha) but I wouldn't call myself arrogant. I have more confidence then I have in the past certainly and it relieves boredom.

I have had issues in the past comparing my life to others on Facebook with which I think it is really easy to do. Certainly if done excessively I believe it could lead to depression

 

[LonesomeDay]

If someone doesn't love you enough to commit to you emotionally and physically - then walk away and keep searching. Perhaps you are looking in the wrong place?

I feel that there's a pattern in your behaviour in that you appear to be seeking a level of commitment which is not available to you from the men you choose. The struggle to win their love and affection is all-consuming, with no time or energy to develop a true two-way relationship. I may have missed something and got it completely wrong, but this is how it seems to me (and I have been in a similar place and wasted years struggling to win the love and admiration of people that would never love me in return).

You're 30 and single. Still young and without the baggage of a marriage gone wrong, so I would urge you to take this opportunity to examine the way you approach relationships. Try not to dismiss the less exciting men and also try to build a relationship based on communication and trust. If love follows that is great, and if it doesn't you will have at least made a friend.

This is the advice I gave to myself many years ago, and I am now married. My husband isn't the most exciting of men (at first glance), but when I got to know him better I grew to love him deeply.

 

[Batman55]

I'm not sure how many people actively engaging with Facebook are necessarily arrogant and overconfident. They may have confidence granted, but the proportion of whom who are arrogant?? I actively post (not that I get out much, ha) but I wouldn't call myself arrogant. I have more confidence then I have in the past certainly and it relieves boredom.

Fair point, perhaps my judgment is quite biased seeing as I cannot stand the superficiality of FB.. but, I dunno, I think part of the OP's problem is a difficulty in seeing the grandeur and incredible quality of the ordinary shy, geeky guy. I do indeed think one can learn to like the things they *can* have--and fidelity is a likelihood with this kind of man--rather than the things they probably can't.