i hate them, and what they have done to her...

[edgecrusher]

i pretty much discovered my probelm i am having from getting anything out of the girl at my work that i really like. at this point i know the whole thing that she told me about having feelings for someone right now and she is going through something with them is just a way to get me to back off because she is scared. there is a poem she put up on her myspace. i had a few tears when i read it. she has been hurt so bad by the men in her life that she is so afraid to let anyone get close to her. a few lines of it are potentially semi suicidal sounding thoughts. and whats funny to me is she put it up almost a week ago btu it was private and i wasnt able to view it until just today, after i talked to her and she gave me the line about having feelings for someone. i absolutlely hate that this has been done to her. it seriously infuriates me. she is such a kind, caring, giving person that it kills me to see her this way. i just wish that she would give me a chance to show her that i wont be like the rest. in fact i want to the one to treat her right so bad that its killing me. i wish i could find a way to show or tell her that without freaking her out. i knew she had problems with this but i think its worse than i thought. and how come all my guy friends make comments like "shes damaged goods" you dont want to mess with that. fresia that! just because of that i should leave her to feel terrible. just because of that she doesnt get to find someone that will treat her right. i want to be there for her so bad. i just want to hold her and tell her its going to be ok and that i am here for her. i thought i was going to be able to let this go but i know im not going to be able to get this or her out of my head. i have no idea what to do or how to approach her in a way that wont scare her away.

 

[SophiaGrace]

This is making me tear up. *sniff*

I dont know how you can approach her, but it's awfully mean of your guy friends to say she is damaged goods.

 

[Badjedidude]

and how come all my guy friends make comments like "shes damaged goods" you dont want to mess with that.

I must say, there could be some truth to this.

I've known several women who were sweet, kind, caring, etc...that I came to like. They had been abused and treated wrongly by men in their lives. So I thought I could be the one to treat them right, to take care of them and make things better...

Yeah, I've done my share of trying to "help" or "rescue" women in similar situations...and do you know what they invariably ended up doing? They returned to again seek out those abusive men.

That's what your friends mean by "damaged goods."

 

[edgecrusher]

and how come all my guy friends make comments like "shes damaged goods" you dont want to mess with that.

I must say, there could be some truth to this.

I've known several women who were sweet, kind, caring, etc...that I came to like. They had been abused and treated wrongly by men in their lives. So I thought I could be the one to treat them right, to take care of them and make things better...

Yeah, I've done my share of trying to "help" or "rescue" women in similar situations...and do you know what they invariably ended up doing? They returned to again seek out those abusive men.

That's what your friends mean by "damaged goods."

i mean i get what your saying to an extent. but they act like im just supposed to write if off like its nothing. maybe its because i have never met anyone before or ever been in a relationship before, but i have never felt like this about something like this before. there is like this fire in me that wants to do something about it so bad. i care about her i and i have to atleast try. i work with her thursday and i want to be able to say something that wont freak her out and scare her away. i am going to get like no sleep tonight after reading that...

 

[RebeccaSarah33]

just be careful, since she pushed you away once, that even if you got to be close with her and show her all your love that it wont be perfect, she wont suddenly become happy and never have problems, only she can decide if she wants to be happy, it doesnt sound like its easy for her now just dont want you to end up hurt from pouring all this effort into making her happy and getting no response

its difficult because of the deep feelings you have, just be careful, and know that its not your fault if shes not happy

 

[shells]

Just make sure you aren't attracted to her for the wrong reasons. Some people are just subconsciously attracted to people that appear "broken" or "damaged", just so they can be the one to try to fix them. Disgustingly enough, there are also some people are also attracted to them because they are easily manipulated.

Someone who consecutively makes bad decisions to be with the wrong type of people, will most likely continue to make them unless they wake up and realize they deserve better.

In my experience, there is one guy that claimed to "love" me (long time ago) because I appeared to be "broken" and he wanted to be the one to "fix" me. Can't tell you how that made my blood boil. It ruined whatever friendship we had and I haven't spoken to him since.

I don't like to be portrayed as someone who can't solve my own problems, or seems helpless. It's like a slap in the face after all of the things I have accomplished and how far I have gotten in my life despite everything else.

 

[edgecrusher]

i thought about this a lot last night. im kind of thinking i dont need any additional emotional stress with where im at in my life right now. as much as it bothers me to say that because now i feel like the "damaged goods" guys, i just know how i am. she has put up this impenetrable wall around her. its like she is just accepting being alone for the rest of her life. i know that she atleast needs some time right now anyway so i will just make it abundantly cleat that i am here if she needs to talk and that i want to be a good freind to her because i dont think she has many good friends. if she opens up to me then we will see where it goes from there. i just know that i cant be stressing about this because i have too much other crap on my mind right now. i think this is all i can really do right now anyway.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Well, if she won't allow you into her own space, for any reason, there's nothing you can do. No amount of "I'll always be there for you" and "I'm not like the rest" sweetness will help. She's made a decision and it looks like she's sticking with it for now. All you can do is respect her decision. I would think if you keep poking and prodding at it, eventually she'll just block you out all together. Because while it's nice to know someone's there for you, it's annoying to have it constantly thrown in your face. Relax, and if she decides to allow you in, she will.