I HATE THIS LIFE!!!

[askal]

I'm so -moderated- disgusted and disappointed in my life.

lol!!! -moderated-

"true love" eh? THERES NO -moderated- THING AS TRUE LOVE!!!

Countries... societies as a whole function and make decisions based on POLITICS. If entire societies function as a political unit, what makes individual units any ******* different?

People behave and act certain ways towards you all because you either have the carrot or the stick! Doesnt matter who it is. Could be your "friends", your "family members" or whoever that person who you think loves you for what you are.

I'm sick of this ****.

I've lived all my life trying to confirm and say and act the way people wanted me to act. I had to act in certain ways to get me respected. **** this.

This is ******* ********.

Yes. The carrot and the stick.

My parents and family are respecting me now just because I've EXTREMELY MINIMIZED contact with them and only because I talk to them in a calm way whenever the 5 minutes happens. I also have a contribution in paying the bills and without that, they will sink in debt! So there is my carrot and stick. My money.

No I cannot talk to them or open up to them. As they do not accept me for what I am.

-moderated-

Yeah yeah... tell me to leave my house (apartment to be "correct" lol) and ****. As if its that easy. Sure... I'll find a place somewhere that will cost between $500-$600 a month. What ****** difference will that make? I'll still get the feeling of loneliness. The whole point is to stay away from the parents right? I already am.

I'm out the whole -moderated- day... the and if I add up the times I come into contact with them, at the most its 1 -moderated- hour for one -moderated- week. Thats it. And because I started seeing them for 1 -moderated- hour for one -moderated- week, their respect for me has increased dramatically that it actually broke my desire to leave. Therefore it will be the same thing... only a bit more expensive if I move out and pay rent on my own.

But still... I feel loneliness. The moment I try actually sitting down and talking to them, it will only add fuel to the fire.

I have nobody on this earth. lol thats what it is for me. No ******* shoulder to lean on. Nobody to motivate me. Nobody to encourage me. Nowhere to look toward to. No guidance. Nothing. At. All. Nothing at all to boost my morale.

Thats why whenever I feel down... I just got no -moderated- choice but to take the full weight.

lol even Jesus had Simon of Cyrene to help him carry his cross. And maybe a few of the dudes who were present when he was doing his miracles and stuff.

and I dont.

well too -moderated- bad eh.

-moderated- THIS LIFE AND I WISH I NEVER BEEN BORN!!! I HATE THIS WORLD!!! YEAH THERE ARE WORST PLACES ON THIS EARTH!!! I READ ABOUT STUFF IN AFRICA AND NORTH KOREA BUT STILL THAT DOESNT CHANCE MY ATTITUDE ABOUT SAYING...

-moderated- THE WORLD!!!

 

[lonelygirl]

Hey Askal,

Hadn't seen you around lately. I'm so sorry that you are feeling so angry. Life sucks, but it can be good at times! I promise you that! Trust me, I've had a hard row to hoe myself!

Hugs,

LG.

 

[bjarne]

askal please watch your language a bit. I repsect your views, but we also need to consider the wide range of people that may read this.

 

[lonelygirl]

Askal, trust me friend, no matter how hard your life has been, someone out there has had worse.

Perhaps one of the reasons why you've had to endure so much is so that you could have sympathy and a heart for the hungry, AIDs-ridden, of the world?

Jesus was not able to pass His Cup...he had to suffer the WORST pain that a human can bear, such as being spit upon, jeered, lied about, contempted, despised for loving, nailed through his wrists and ankles, suffocating on the Cross in a painful way, he was robbed and had them casting lots for his clothes right in front of him...'here is the King of the Jews' hatefully libeled and a crown of Thorns...trust me NONE of us know how much HE suffered!

 

[alexp]

actually... i almost understand 70% of how u feel... coz i did almost the same things....
and,,, no guidiance... no encouragement... no motivations... i'm tired too...
i feel so much about your willingness to speak up at this forum.

however from another perspective, what u wrote made me wana LOL too........... kinda cute........

 

[lonelygirl]

Let's all just agree that we have suffered,but if you haven't SUFFERED you don't know what REAL pain is. SOOOO many people before us and after us will not be able to pass the cup of suffering, so here's to our brothers and sisters before and since! Remember to pray to God when the going gets tough. Let Go and Let God when you can't bear the burdern on your own.

"Come to me, all ye who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Holy Bible)