I was thinking the other day about what it is exactly that's always bothered me so much about "life's not fair", that's always pissed me off.
I thought, well, what does that mean? What does it mean when something "isn't fair"?
It means that it's unjust. It's immoral, or at least has nothing to do with morality.
When I think about the kinds of people, and things, that have pissed me off over the course of my life, I noticed there's a pattern - I've always gotten the most pissed off, at insensitivity and insensitive people, and various forms of injustice/immorality - and usually these things go hand in hand, where insensitive people also tend to be immoral and favor injustice, because it favors them. I felt like I was taught at home, in school, and by society at large to value morality, and I also value it instinctively. I always thought that basing the rules of life on morality rather than the dumb luck of what you were born with, is what it meant to be civilized, and every time we moved society more towards morality and away from survival of the fittest, quality of life got better.
It also explains my dislike for things like popularity, and hierarchies in general - they're not based on right and wrong, good and bad - they're based on the dumb luck of what you're born with, survival of the fittest. They're inherently unjust, and to me, that makes them evil. And by extension, the people that value hierarchies, also seem evil to me.
Like I said I was raised to value morality, and to think of morality as the highest value. So when it turns out that so much of life does NOT operate on morality, but sometimes acts against it in favor of survival of the fittest - which I consider shallow/superficial/immature at best, and unjust and evil at worst - it confuses and angers me.
And this is especially true of things like the social hierarchy and attraction - my natural tendency is to think of things in terms of morality, of good and bad, but that's not how these things operate. They operate based on strength and weakness, on "might makes right". There's nothing just or moral about them. It's so different, and offensive, to the way I think. So I think that explains at least part of my difficulty understanding them. I'm just not aligned with that, in fact, a lot of times I'm aligned against how it works.