i have liked a girl on and off for 5 years and it wont stop

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randomguy

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since in 2019 i have been in a friend group where this girl is also in. we were and still are good friends, but ever since i have known her, i feel attracted to here. Not only is she beautifull but also really nice. So what happens is that I start talking to her more and more and we become close friends and she does these things that to me look like hints that she may like me, so i make a move. she then responds by saying she does not like me that way and what then happens is that she keeps her distance from me, so we go from close to almost not talking. then overtime we become friends again and the cycle restarts. this has happen 5 times and there have been moments were i didnt like her for a period. I mean i made moves on other girls but always when she speaks to me or we are having fun i instantly relive the feelings i had of her before. Its like i cant get over her. Currently we are good friend and she tells me all about the boys she goes on dates with, while im just there wishing she would give me a chance. Shes never given me a chance and i just dont know what to do. should i just try to block my feelings for her out or is there a solution to this situation, i just feel empty without her.
 
Well firstly welcome. Funny how you're another "randomguy" as we've had such named members in the past :) I hope you get something from this forum.

Okay, sounds to me that you're a young guy, possibly still a teen even, but don't take any offense if you're not. You have written things here that have been said many times before and things that I've gone through myself as a young guy too. It's something that happens often, especially when we're still developing into adults.

You won't be able to "block" your feelings for her, so don't bother trying. What you need to do is come at the whole situation with a different perspective. Don't worry about trying to have a relationship with her, an intimate one. Just enjoy her company and accept her as a person that you can have a great friendship with, that way she will feel less pressure and more comfortable with you. Things sometimes develop from there, sometimes they don't but at least you can build a great friendship, which is incredibly valuable. I wish I didn't worry about trying to get a girlfriend so bad when I was young and concentrated more on developing myself. Build yourself into something, someone worthy, and you'll have less issues trying to attract people.

As for "making your move", take that for the dumb sounding statement it is. It sounds so predatory. She, and any woman, isn't your prey, okay? People are attracted to one another because they feel a closeness, an understanding. Beauty is just what turns your head first, but as you get to know someone, that's when you really start to feel a bond.

I would treat these as "training" relationships, where you get to know more about yourself than the other person. When you think about it, there's a reason she's not reciprocating your feelings. You still have some growing to do, some maturing, discovering who you really are, and building upon that. The same goes for anyone you might feel something for. You might very well get with this person next week and then after a while realised, "Hmm, I thought she'd be better, more accommodating, less irritating, etc etc"

So, long story short, I wouldn't worry yourself over it. If you're meant to be together, one day it will happen. You might be completely separate for years and years before that might happen. In the meantime you could meet all sorts of people that capture your attention, in different circles of life, which you should go out and enjoy.

Build yourself into the best person you can with education, life knowledge, worldly experiences, become self reliant and look after your health. Take chances and opportunities when they present themselves. A prospective partner will be enamored with someone who can look after themselves and be a rock for them. That's when you'll realise that you want the same from others too.

I can go on with more stuff, but that's probably enough to get you started.
 
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You need to truly accept her decision let go, to the point that you wouldn't give her a chance anymore if she would change her mind later. Only then can you come back as a true friend. It might also help to distance yourself from her for some time.
 
since in 2019 i have been in a friend group where this girl is also in. we were and still are good friends, but ever since i have known her, i feel attracted to here. Not only is she beautifull but also really nice. So what happens is that I start talking to her more and more and we become close friends and she does these things that to me look like hints that she may like me, so i make a move. she then responds by saying she does not like me that way and what then happens is that she keeps her distance from me, so we go from close to almost not talking. then overtime we become friends again and the cycle restarts. this has happen 5 times and there have been moments were i didnt like her for a period. I mean i made moves on other girls but always when she speaks to me or we are having fun i instantly relive the feelings i had of her before. Its like i cant get over her. Currently we are good friend and she tells me all about the boys she goes on dates with, while im just there wishing she would give me a chance. Shes never given me a chance and i just dont know what to do. should i just try to block my feelings for her out or is there a solution to this situation, i just feel empty without her.
I would advise you to focus on yourself. Immerse yourself in developing yourself or your hobbies. If she doesn't want to be with you then that's that, you need to move on. It won't be easy of course but if you focus on yourself, the pain will fade over time. Time heals all wounds.

And who knows? You might find someone else that you have a connection with, whether that's online or irl or both. Then you'll forget all about her.

After my most recent relationship ended, I struggled to move on, but, I focused on my studies, my work, my family, and my hobbies and now I don't think as much about it anymore. When I do think of her however, there is no pain, no sadness, just acceptance.

I am curious, however, what does she say/do that makes you think she may like you romantically?
 

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