I need to sleep...

[mintymint]

I haven't seen her since Valentine's day 2009. I haven't talked to her since the year changed to 2010. I do my best to keep her out of my thoughts. But tonight I can't sleep because of the pain. I was in agony for months when we were together and for months after we parted ways. Wasn't that enough? I put my full trust in her, and that made the fall that much harder. A betrayal of trust twists your gut as if to choke every fiber of your being.

In our relationship the most important thing to me was to do right by her. I regret nothing about the kind of person I was during our time together. I regret nothing at all. I did the best that I could. And I still love her very much. And I am proud of how far she has come in her life. I think that when you truly love someone unconditionally, that love never goes away.

While my mind has long ago dissected and recompiled the series of events that took place and sorted through the cascade of emotions that once overwhelmingly consumed me, I find that my heart still lags behind. The pain still slices through to my core in one effortless motion. That is why I do my best to keep her out of my thoughts. It seems almost primitive at times, but this is the best I can manage.

As much as it still hurts, I feel willing to accept that this pain will always be with me in some form. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I don't regret loving her. And strangely enough, I don't regret trusting her. I need to sleep...

 

[WistfullyDetached]

What you describe appears similar to what I experienced. The pain eventually dissolves, but the sting lasts an awful long time. To move on you must allow yourself to fully feel and experience the pain.

Your heart is telling you it needs to think about her. Don't avoid thinking about her - just let it happen. This is apart of the healing process and apart of moving on. Let the pain arise and do what it needs to do. The only way to heal this type of pain is to allow it to reach the zenith then wash over you. ...Eventually you'll feel less pain until it finally passes in to memory. You will always deeply care for her, but the love becomes apart of the past as it has no future.

 

[EveWasFramed]

aww honey... (((((((((kaz))))))))))))))

 

[Badjedidude]

I find that my heart still lags behind. The pain still slices through to my core in one effortless motion. That is why I do my best to keep her out of my thoughts. It seems almost primitive at times, but this is the best I can manage.

I have something a bit similar...though for a slightly different reason.

When I was slightly younger, I knew this girl (let's call her "S" just for reference). S and I hung out a whole lot...went to the park, talked, flirted, the works. We even ended up dating for a bit...and by that I mean nothing exclusive or committed. She ended up giving me the opportunity to take things to a deeper level...to become serious. I told her to wait a few years, so we could see where life would take us (I wasn't even out of highschool yet).

I ended up choosing to become serious with another girl, whom I was with most recently. She and I were together for 5 years and then she dumped me.

Now, S is gone...she moved away and I haven't spoken to her in over a year. I think about her a little bit every day, during the quiet times. Mostly I regret not choosing to be with her...and I wonder how she is, if she would still give me that chance. I know that she's moved on with her life, and I have too....so it's probably foolish of me to think about things this way, but I can't help it.

I guess I loved her a bit before I even knew it...and now it's too late. So really I guess my thing is more about love never experienced than about love actually experienced. But I think you're right about it not going away. I suspect that a small piece of me will always be thinking about S...but maybe in time, I will forget. I'd be OK with forgetting if I end up with a new woman...but right now the memories won't leave me.

So I totally get what you're saying.

----Steve

 

[mintymint]

Funny how this stuff catches you off guard and you need to get it off your chest before you can do anything else let alone function properly. Thankfully I was able to go to sleep after writing this post. Thanks Eve, BJD, Dani and WD for your support

 

[Danielle]

((minty)) I know this isn't of much help, but the intense pain does and will go away. I know its hard when these thoughts creep up on you... and how heavy your heart and head feel.

This will get better.... I promise you.... you can shoot me if I'm lying.

 

[Badjedidude]

you can shoot me if I'm lying.

HAHA wow....you'd better be darn sure, then, Dani.

----Steve

 

[Danielle]

I am sure... 110% sure. that much i can promise you....

 

[Phaedron]

A betrayal of trust twists your gut as if to choke every fiber of your being.

In our relationship the most important thing to me was to do right by her. I regret nothing about the kind of person I was during our time together. I regret nothing at all. I did the best that I could. And I still love her very much. And I am proud of how far she has come in her life. I think that when you truly love someone unconditionally, that love never goes away.

As much as it still hurts, I feel willing to accept that this pain will always be with me in some form.

I'm seeing a lot of this lately... kind devoted men completely betrayed by women who become cold and heartless...

No one is perfect though... im sure if you search hard enough there is something you can blame yourself for...

Oddly enough, I find that being able to blame myself helps me cope with the loss of love... This and rationalizing that it was only infatuation, she was never right for me, I don't love what she is now at all, I was a fool to fall in love, I was a fool to let it slip away, etc etc etc

The pain may never go away completely, but if its still very active then its a sign that you still havent come to a full resolution. You can analyze it to death, even take actions, but in the end youll realize giving it any thought at all is like beating a dead horse...

Unfortunately...

We are all prisoners of our own minds
We are all ground down in proper time

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I hate it when people tell me I just need to find someone else. However That is what you need to do. Accept that her feelings were not as strong as yours. Remember the good times to warm your heart. To help you remember why you want to love someone.

I don't know what else I can say. If you just lie on the ground after falling you won't heal properly. You need to get up and put your heart back together so that if someone else crosses your path you are ready and well.

 

[mintymint]

I'm seeing a lot of this lately... kind devoted men completely betrayed by women who become cold and heartless...

My situation was nothing like that. Not in the least.

Accept that her feelings were not as strong as yours.

Again, please don't make assumptions. I'll leave it at that.

 

[EveWasFramed]

The post above is one of the reasons I didnt post anything more than I did the first time around. He doesn't seem to be bitter, angry, etc. He just misses her, which is very understandable. The reasons don't even really matter.

Again, (((((((kaz))))))))

 

[mintymint]

The post above is one of the reasons I didnt post anything more than I did the first time around. He doesn't seem to be bitter, angry, etc. He just misses her, which is very understandable. The reasons don't even really matter.

That's why you're a classy gal

 

[EveWasFramed]

*blushes*

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Again, please don't make assumptions. I'll leave it at that.

Fair enough I do not know the female in question. You have to accept she is not there though. You have to accept that she may not come back. It will hurt, but it will make you stronger. Do you just want to feel like this for the rest of your life?

 

[EveWasFramed]

Again, please don't make assumptions. I'll leave it at that.
[/quo[/qute]
Fair enough I do not know the female in question. You have to accept she is not there though. You have to accept that she may not come back. It will hurt, but it will make you stronger. Do you just want to feel like this for the rest of your life?

Perhaps you should scan his original post again, Frozen. He obviously HAS accepted that she isn't there and wont be back and indeed he isnt even saying he wants her back. And I think he's dealing with it all quite well and that what he is feeling is quite natural. Everyone is different - it will take... as long as it takes for him to be at peace.
*shrugs* Seems like he's doing quite well to me.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Perhaps you should scan his original post again, Frozen. He obviously HAS accepted that she isn't there and wont be back and indeed he isnt even saying he wants her back. And I think he's dealing with it all quite well and that what he is feeling is quite natural. Everyone is different - it will take... as long as it takes for him to be at peace.
*shrugs* Seems like he's doing quite well to me.
[/quoteI guess I just have a different definition of accepted. But this is not my thread. I am sorry if I upset you mint, I guess I Just don't know what I am talking about