I need to talk

[Wrecked]

Hello. I almost wrote a book in this thread I was going to start. I erased it all because it got way too long.

I will try to shorten it down, by A LOT, this time.

I am a 22 years old guy.
I have been depressed since I was 14, I do not know why, I have had a overwhelming sensation of sadness clouding me my whole life. The last 6 years or so it has gotten much worse. I can feel the anxiety, the restlesness, the feeling of dissatisfaction even on the most flawless of days.

I am very lonely. Partly by choice and partly because of me being odd, generally just having very different tastes in music, movies, and what to cherish and embrace. Many people don't "get" me and I fail to connect. Some people did but I got rid of them because that group of friends made me anxious. It was always a sort of pressure in the atmosphere around them that I didn't enjoy. I do however believe that they genuinly liked and hanging out with me.

I am 5'6 "tall" and I have a complex about it. People simply tend to easier disrespect short people and hooking up with girls becomes rocket science. I am a bit introvert, but a very kind guy. I

I cannot get over my ex. We broke up almost a year ago (from a 2 year relationship), she got over me a week after we ended and got together with her best male friend. I dream of her frequently. I think I still love her, but I don't miss her. She has scarred me mentally, with her being crazy on and off. The part I miss the most is the intimacy, someone to talk about anything about so openly, but also very much the sex.

Four months ago I got robbed. I got threated with a knife while two other was holding me, punching me, took my ATM card and forced me my code. The police got there however because of a witness that called in. Went to court and they got sentenced to prison. I'm afriad they will find me or their buddies will, and hurt me.

I can't seem to enjoy anything. I feel very empty and drained. Something simple as eating a chocolate bar - it's just not as pleasureable as it used to be, years ago. Even rubbing one out. I can continue to jerk it after cumming, simply because I'm not satisified. So I lay in my bed another hour just mindlessly jerking til' I cum again. Even then I don't feel satisfied completely.
Smoking cigarettes has just become a chore to do, they also do not satisfy me. After dinner, I go outside for a smoke thinking it will be nice. It's really not, and 20 minutes later I'm there again to seek pleasure, that yet again doesn't arrive.

I will stop myself right here.

Does anyone here share these feelings? How do you deal with it? I know for one I can relate to much of what is being posted here. So I thought I'd share some of my own problems.
Please, talk to me, anyone.

 

[AngryKoreanMan]

exercise= endorphins = happier?

 

[Okiedokes]

Depression can make the happiest moments seem boring or not worth doing. You have gone through a couple of things that are pretty rough it sounds like and I'm glad that the person who attacked you isnt on the streets anymore. I can understand the fear of his buddies getting word and etc.. but if you are that scared, maybe a set of sunglasses/hat would make a nice small disguise. That is something I'd try myself. As for connecting with people, I think it's something that takes time and there will never be another person exactly like ourselves. When you find someone who understands you and likes you for you, then it's worth connecting. I'm sure there are other people who enjoy the kind of music and movies that you like. I am kind of curious as to what those are if you'd want to share.