I think I'm unlikable

[OverTheRainbow]

Hey, guys... I haven't been around in a long time, but I've had a lot of thoughts on my mind that I just wanted to speak about AND I'm just gonna get to my point.

I'm a loner and don't want to be. I must be awkward or hard to like. I'm in school and I work and I have people I speak to but no one ever prompts hanging out outside of that. I don't do it anymore because people act so put off whenever I suggested doing something that we were talking about at some point... Like going to the gym together, or shopping at our favorite store, or restaurant. 

It's gotten bad, guys. I literally have 2 friends... both across the US that I talk to very little...

I've become very guarded. I think I've been so hurt by being completely alone that I don't put people in a position to reject me. And I'm a very opinionated person in my mind. I don't speak much of it cause I know people aren't used to what I'm all about (vegetarian, minimalist, eco friendly, but many confusing and seemingly contradicting additions). 

I dont know what to do anymore. I have a boyfriend of 5 years who is a f-ing social butterfly... and than there is me... lonely and no friends blowing up my phone... coming over... anything.

Is there a genuine "meet a FRIEND" website? lol.. idk. I need help.

 

[Xpendable]

A loner with a bf.

 

[TheLoadedDog]

I personally wouldn't WANT to be a social butterfly. I've a tiny handful of people I hold dear, and that's plenty enough for me. You'll be OK,.

 

[VanillaCreme]

A loner with a bf.

Having a significant other has nothing to do with feeling like or being lonely.

 

[Wayfarer]

Hey, guys... I haven't been around in a long time, but I've had a lot of thoughts on my mind that I just wanted to speak about AND I'm just gonna get to my point.

I'm a loner and don't want to be. I must be awkward or hard to like. I'm in school and I work and I have people I speak to but no one ever prompts hanging out outside of that. I don't do it anymore because people act so put off whenever I suggested doing something that we were talking about at some point... Like going to the gym together, or shopping at our favorite store, or restaurant. 

It's gotten bad, guys. I literally have 2 friends... both across the US that I talk to very little...

I've become very guarded. I think I've been so hurt by being completely alone that I don't put people in a position to reject me. And I'm a very opinionated person in my mind. I don't speak much of it cause I know people aren't used to what I'm all about (vegetarian, minimalist, eco friendly, but many confusing and seemingly contradicting additions). 

I dont know what to do anymore. I have a boyfriend of 5 years who is a f-ing social butterfly... and than there is me... lonely and no friends blowing up my phone... coming over... anything.

Is there a genuine "meet a FRIEND" website? lol.. idk. I need help.

You could ask your boyfriend for help. *thinking*. I mean, maybe he would be able to help you in meeting new people, in real life. As for online websites, I'm afraid I don't know any perfect place. It's kinda the same as in real life, to be honest, only probably one finds it easier to say what they want to without fearing adverse reactions. Maybe.

Reading what you wrote about yourself, I'd recommend joining some website or community of people having the same hobbies or thoughts as you have. Personally, I have no idea, but there should be forums about minimalist living and such. Other than those somewhat "specialized" communities, there's other "general purpose" ones like this one.

And I guess it also has got a lot to do with luck. I guess the best recommendation I can give is to keep trying. Eventually you're bound to find someone.

 

[OverTheRainbow]

A loner with a bf.

You didn't think that was possible?

---

I personally wouldn't WANT to be a social butterfly.  I've a tiny handful of people I hold dear, and that's plenty enough for me.  You'll be OK,.

Isn't your deflecting a huge issue with people who are lonely. 

I don't care to be a social butterfly, but I do think friends are important. Thanks for your insightful comment.

---

Hey, guys... I haven't been around in a long time, but I've had a lot of thoughts on my mind that I just wanted to speak about AND I'm just gonna get to my point.

I'm a loner and don't want to be. I must be awkward or hard to like. I'm in school and I work and I have people I speak to but no one ever prompts hanging out outside of that. I don't do it anymore because people act so put off whenever I suggested doing something that we were talking about at some point... Like going to the gym together, or shopping at our favorite store, or restaurant. 

It's gotten bad, guys. I literally have 2 friends... both across the US that I talk to very little...

I've become very guarded. I think I've been so hurt by being completely alone that I don't put people in a position to reject me. And I'm a very opinionated person in my mind. I don't speak much of it cause I know people aren't used to what I'm all about (vegetarian, minimalist, eco friendly, but many confusing and seemingly contradicting additions). 

I dont know what to do anymore. I have a boyfriend of 5 years who is a f-ing social butterfly... and than there is me... lonely and no friends blowing up my phone... coming over... anything.

Is there a genuine "meet a FRIEND" website? lol.. idk. I need help.

You could ask your boyfriend for help. *thinking*. I mean, maybe he would be able to help you in meeting new people, in real life. As for online websites, I'm afraid I don't know any perfect place. It's kinda the same as in real life, to be honest, only probably one finds it easier to say what they want to without fearing adverse reactions. Maybe.

Reading what you wrote about yourself, I'd recommend joining some website or community of people having the same hobbies or thoughts as you have. Personally, I have no idea, but there should be forums about minimalist living and such. Other than those somewhat "specialized" communities, there's other "general purpose" ones like this one.

And I guess it also has got a lot to do with luck. I guess the best recommendation I can give is to keep trying. Eventually you're bound to find someone.





He has tried mixing me with his friends girlfriends and wives and it just doesn't work. They are one way with me but another way with everyone else. It's insane how they are polite and simple with me but vivacious and flirty with every other person around. 

 

[TheRealCallie]

Meet a friend website? Maybe somewhere, but they would likely be similar to dating sites. People are either fake or real and you have no clue.

If you want more friends, you need to meet people. You can do that absolutely anywhere. Here, at the store, at the library, doing hobbies, volunteering, working, at the gym...etc etc. My guess is that you've close yourself off and that is projecting outward and people can sense it. Try not to be so closed off. You could check out meet up groups for hobbies or things that you like.

 

[OverTheRainbow]

Meet a friend website?  Maybe somewhere, but they would likely be similar to dating sites.  People are either fake or real and you have no clue.  

If you want more friends, you need to meet people.  You can do that absolutely anywhere.  Here, at the store, at the library, doing hobbies, volunteering, working, at the gym...etc etc.  My guess is that you've close yourself off and that is projecting outward and people can sense it.  Try not to be so closed off.  You could check out meet up groups for hobbies or things that you like.

My boyfriend has an extreme disapproval of meeting people offline.. (we live together.. kinda past the point of doing whatever the hell I want). I looked into meetup.com and told him I was going to an outdoor yoga meetup.. he flipped ****. This is when i found out he had a problem with me meeting people online.


I have closed myself up big time. I realize I sorta word sentences so I dont give people the opportunity to reject me. I dont think it's a snobby way.. but it's definitely a "I can do it with or without you" sorta thing. I realized this when I asked my sister-in-law to go to a zumba class with me. I said "Yay! I just need someone to help me start this"
JUST being the word that closes me off.
Instead of being excited to do something fun with her SPECIFICALLY, I basically told her I was using her.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You HAVE to have your own life outside your boyfriend. Things are so hard to make work if you don't have lives outside of each other. What would happen if you just went out, regardless of what he said?
You are very much NOT past the point of doing what you want. Regardless of whether you have a significant other or not, you still have your own life, your own needs, your own feelings. You have a right to go out and do things you like. Yes, be wary of meeting people online, but don't just disregard them simply because your boyfriend is going to throw a fit.

The word "JUST" could also be you giving her a way out if she doesn't really want to go or doesn't enjoy it. If you have fun with her doing that and she seems to enjoy it, keep asking her to go with you.

Now, for the tough question....why are you with this guy? He seems rather controlling based on what you've said here.

 

[Black Manta]

I have to question your relationship. My wife is possessive of me. She doesn't really want me to have a life outside of her. Your bf sounds the same. It's not a good place to be. I think you need to re-examine that relationship.

 

[Xpendable]

A loner with a bf.

You didn't think that was possible?

I think I have a different view of loneliness. As a manifestation of complete rejection or the inability to be relatable to other people. Having a significant other means someone chooses to spend time with you, to be intimate with you. It means someone wanted to be your companion and have your company. You can't help to question what are the real reason for not finding that enough, but that's not of my business.

 

[frederico]

As the others already said, I believe that a problem may be the fact that you are kind of "blocked" in your relationship.
I mean, this does not explain why you find difficult to have new friends, but this closing may be a problem if something goes wrong. I was in a relationship for almost 5 years. I mean, it is not 30 years, but I am still 24, so it was enough
And when we broke up, I realized that I had to meet new people. Because you cannot do everything alone. In my case, I do not have many friends (friend means a lot, and it is natural for me to have a few of them), although I have several acquaintances. And, trust me, also having acquaintances may help in these cases. Now I am not saying that you and your bf will certainly break up. But, if it happens? You will have to go through a bad period, and you will do it all alone.
I do not want to be negative, but I believe that we should always consider the bad event, and always have a plane B.

In every case, I cannot say now I will be your friend, but if you want someone to talk with, I am available