I walked out.

[Tiina63]

I am sitting here feeling a mixture of feelings-sadness, loneliness, rejection but also feeling a bit pathetic as well. I went to the theatre today with the reading/support group I go to. Before going I was feeling low, but hoped that getting out and doing something would make me feel better.
I had collected my ticket a day later than the other members from our group leader and assumed that I would be sitting with the others from the group. But I found that I was right at the other end of the row, sitting with people I didn't know. Everyone was chatting and laughing away, while I got lower and lower, till I ended up walking out before the play began, because I felt so lonely and ready to cry. (There were no empty seats by the rest of the group.) I feel pathetic because I couldn't admit to most people why I left as they would look at me as if I am stupid. If I hadn't felt low to start with, I wouldn't have liked sitting salone, but would have been able to stick it out. Would anyone else here have walked out in my situation today?

 

[SophiaGrace]

You could've asked someone to trade seats with you or for the row to move over one seat so you could sit by your friends...

Don't be sad. *hug*

 

[Lost Drifter]

I would have done the same. I’m at that point in life where if something frustrates me so much then I have no qualms in walking away, it’s not so much about giving up but rather knowing when it’s not worth getting worked up about and being more selective on what issues I want to be concerned about. Sometimes it’s done out of sadness and sometimes out of anger but either way it was better for me to be gone.

That you were feeling down beforehand only added to your feelings of loneliness and I understand not wanting to explain things to others because in situations like that the last thing you want is to make a fuss or draw more attention to yourself, what you did sounds perfectly normal to me. It was rather unfair for the group leader not to have sorted these things out though; I would have expected them to take effort in getting all of the group seated together. I would have thought that was the plan of you all going out as a group in the first place so yes, I can completely understand why you felt let down and perhaps even cheated. Just because you picked up your ticket later it should not mean you are treated any differently.

I’d chalk it up to an inconsiderate group leader and you just having a bad day which made you more emotional about the situation. It could have happened to any other member of the group so it’s unfortunate that it had to be you when you were feeling down to begin with but please don’t take it personally.

PS. I bet the play was rubbish.

 

[putter65]

I am sitting here feeling a mixture of feelings-sadness, loneliness, rejection but also feeling a bit pathetic as well. I went to the theatre today with the reading/support group I go to. Before going I was feeling low, but hoped that getting out and doing something would make me feel better.
I had collected my ticket a day later than the other members from our group leader and assumed that I would be sitting with the others from the group. But I found that I was right at the other end of the row, sitting with people I didn't know. Everyone was chatting and laughing away, while I got lower and lower, till I ended up walking out before the play began, because I felt so lonely and ready to cry. (There were no empty seats by the rest of the group.) I feel pathetic because I couldn't admit to most people why I left as they would look at me as if I am stupid. If I hadn't felt low to start with, I wouldn't have liked sitting salone, but would have been able to stick it out. Would anyone else here have walked out in my situation today?

You did the right thing. If you felt unhappy then I don't think your mood would have improved. I would have walked out too.

It used to happen to me quite alot. I would go to places and the people I knew would either not bother with me or not notice me. Or like your story, there wouldn't be enough chairs and I missed out. Of course all the popular people never did. I remember going on this ice staking trip and none of my so called friends sat next to me, so I ended up sitting next to somebody I didn't know. I just sat there while all my friends had a good time together. Unfortunately I couldn't get off the bus so I had to put up with it. It was an horrible day.

Did anybody ask why you were leaving early ?

 

[HC22]

That is really sad, and I understand you
It's painful isn't it ?
I bet you excpected your "friends" to work hard to make it possible for you to sit with at least one of them right ? trying to trade tickets and such ...

Well, that IS what they should have done, BUT that doesn't necessarily mean that they didn't do that because they didn't want you to sit with you .
What I mean is, that you gave to this happening a huge importance beacuse of who you are and because of you past, but you have to understand that to most people out there don't really consider sitting alone for once such an issue, and therefore they probably didn't feel the need to help you just because they didn't even SEE you needed some.

Walking out or not is not the problem here, if you were in such a bad mood, you did the right thing, but if you don't want this to happen to you again you should try to make them understand that you prefer to be an active part of the group and that you don't enjoy being left out even when it comes to things like these.
So yeah, you should let your friends know it, telling this flat out might not be a good idea though ( it would also be extremely hard and embarassing , I know that ) so you need to make this known indirectly,bring the conversation to a point that will enable you to express your thoguhts on the topic of alienation, ( do it for example while discussing about the plot of a certain book, or things like that ) and try to make them understand how much of a sensitive topic thisis for you ... " I can understand what X is feeling because I too sometimes feel like this " and " I dislike it when people let others feel left out " could all be useful things to say to make them open your eyes about he way they relate to you, try to think of them as clues ... leave clues and wait for the smartest ones to figure it out, many will probably keep being superficial but the wiser ones MIGHT get it ( even without fully realizing it ) and change thier attitude.

Good luck I experienced these kind of happenings too ... you really feel ...insvisible ... right ? when no one bothers to look out for you, or treats you as you weren't there at all...

I wish you the best

 

[Tiina63]

Thank you for your lovely replies. i really appreciate this site because, living alone, I have noone to talk to about things which upset me, and coming here gives me the chance to vent without fearing being judged, and knowing that I can get support and not be told I am stupid. . I'm so glad that you all understand why I left.
Hi Spohia Grace-thank you for your hug. Although I was in the same row, there was an aisle between their part of the row and mine, so moving up one wouldnt have worked. I wasn't near the aisle end either (But I will keep your advice in mind incase anything similar happens again.)
Lost Drifter-I agree wtih you that Helen, our leader, should have arranged things so that we would all be together.Also, as you said, I didn't want to make a fuss in front of everyone, and found leaving to be the least stressful option under the circumstances. Reading your comment helps me to see that what I did was positive as well as neagtive. I didn't know how else to handle my feelings and couldnt have just just stayed sitting there. Thank you again for what you said.
H22, yes, I have often felt invisible. This is something I am working on with my therapist, to try to make myself more noticable. And this incident did take me back to those many times when I have been overlooked before. I am not absolutely sure how much my low mood influenced my leaving, because my feelings of loneliness and being overlooked arenear the surface and sometimes it only takes something like this to bring them out.
Putter65-I am sorry that you have had many similar experiences yourself. No, noone asked why I was leaving. I don't know if most of them knew I had gone. I mouthed to one woman, Louise, that I was leaving (she glanced across when I was going), but she didn't say anything and just turned back to the stage.(The play hadn't started.) Whether she mentioned it to anyone later I dont know.

 

[putter65]

Thank you for your lovely replies. i really appreciate this site because, living alone, I have noone to talk to about things which upset me, and coming here gives me the chance to vent without fearing being judged, and knowing that I can get support and not be told I am stupid. . I'm so glad that you all understand why I left.
Hi Spohia Grace-thank you for your hug. Although I was in the same row, there was an aisle between their part of the row and mine, so moving up one wouldnt have worked. I wasn't near the aisle end either (But I will keep your advice in mind incase anything similar happens again.)
Lost Drifter-I agree wtih you that Helen, our leader, should have arranged things so that we would all be together.Also, as you said, I didn't want to make a fuss in front of everyone, and found leaving to be the least stressful option under the circumstances. Reading your comment helps me to see that what I did was positive as well as neagtive. I didn't know how else to handle my feelings and couldnt have just just stayed sitting there. Thank you again for what you said.
H22, yes, I have often felt invisible. This is something I am working on with my therapist, to try to make myself more noticable. And this incident did take me back to those many times when I have been overlooked before. I am not absolutely sure how much my low mood influenced my leaving, because my feelings of loneliness and being overlooked arenear the surface and sometimes it only takes something like this to bring them out.
Putter65-I am sorry that you have had many similar experiences yourself. No, noone asked why I was leaving. I don't know if most of them knew I had gone. I mouthed to one woman, Louise, that I was leaving (she glanced across when I was going), but she didn't say anything and just turned back to the stage.(The play hadn't started.) Whether she mentioned it to anyone later I dont know.

I don't understand why Louise didn't ask you why you was leaving. It just seems a really crappy situation you was in. I am sure if any of the others were in your shoes, they would have made a big fuss about it. What you have to remember is it wasn't your fault and you didn't do anything wrong. I would have been disgusted if it happened to me.

 

[Fvantom]

That is really sad, and I understand you
It's painful isn't it ?
I bet you excpected your "friends" to work hard to make it possible for you to sit with at least one of them right ? trying to trade tickets and such ...

Well, that IS what they should have done, BUT that doesn't necessarily mean that they didn't do that because they didn't want you to sit with you .
What I mean is, that you gave to this happening a huge importance beacuse of who you are and because of you past, but you have to understand that to most people out there don't really consider sitting alone for once such an issue, and therefore they probably didn't feel the need to help you just because they didn't even SEE you needed some.

^^^^^^^^^^
these are the words Ive been looking for.
Nobody realizes how bad someone may feel when theyre left out, simply because they dont know that it actually hurts people in this situation. It happens to me all the time, and I cant bring it up because I know it sounds stupid, its like I lose either way.

 

[SophiaGrace]

If i complain about something that's unfair, people tell me to advocate for myself. So i guess that's what i'll tell Tina. Advocate for yourself. Because, no one else will.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I would have never even gone if I knew the seat was away from everyone else. So yeah, I would have left too.

 

[HappyYogi]

I think it's OK to not torture yourself. ; )

I've had many of these experiences! I've had it with my family where I feel so left out, so ignored, everyone around me chit chatting talking and me alone...I'd get all hot, anxious, worried, depressed and often I could not take it anymore so I'd just have to get up and go.

And considering what I was feeling nothing was wrong with that. Why torture myself? I needed are, freedom.

And so you did, too.

The only time it might be inconsiderate if it was a party or someone's birthday or funeral but it was none of these things. You have a right to leave. The whole thing is about having fun.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Yeah i've walked out of stuff before when i felt too alone too.

 

[Valince]

I would have joined in on the fun. So easy for me to assimilate myself into a conversation that contains laughter.

Think about it.