I was once a bright star

[KingsAgain]

I’m well educated. I had/have an amazing career. I raked in big bucks. I was in a 5 year relationship which ended rather mutually last year. I never placed her before my career and education, ever. She gave me a tremendous amount of love and affection, and always chased after me. She’s tall, beautiful, and has a great body, on top of a childish sense of humour that suited me well. Though I loved her, I was distant and emotionally detached. After we broke up, I was depressed for sometime but I knew it was for the better. I didn’t really need a rebound, and didn’t feel like I needed a girl in my life.

But that changed this summer, when I decided it was time for me to find a girlfriend. After some searching, I finally found what I thought was the girl of my dreams. We had moments like I never had with my ex of 5 years. I fell in love on the second date. So did she. She already began talking kids with me. For the first time in my life, I was putting a girl ahead of my career and education. But after a while, it became clear she was carrying a baggage of hurt from previous relationships, and it started to take a toll on our relationship. Slowly, our relationship started unwinding and I went in desperation mode, trying to save the best thing that ever happened to me from failure. But my efforts didn’t do much, and shortly after, I became depressed after realizing I was losing what I thought was the girl of my life.

Eventually, I got fired from my job because I didn’t show up to work one day, citing “personal problems and difficulties.” And things continued to worsen with my relationship. I would break down crying every second day in the last 2 weeks and the week following the end of the relationship. Then, she began ignoring my casual texts... And after explaining to her I was depressed, suicidal, couldn’t sleep nor eat, and needed closure, she finally answered back “Here is your closure... GOODBYE.” I was devastated. This was 2 weeks ago.

Ever since then, I’ve been making terrible life decisions. I decided to look for love where I had truly felt it, so I begged for my ex of 5 years back. She said no, even though she’s single and hasn’t really dated since we broke up. So I was stubborn and decided to travel 7 hours to see her, and show her that I’m serious about her. I brought her flowers and her favourite A&W burger. Crushed and rejected once again.

I haven’t been looking for a job ever since I got fired, nor do I have the motivation to do so. On top of all, I’ve been drinking and driving frequently. Just last night I drove home pissed drunk... The guy in front of me got pulled over for speeding. At the time I thought it was hilarious because I was telling myself that the cops had no idea that just one car behind the speeder was someone committing a far more serious crime. But this morning I woke up realizing how stupid of me it was, and how screwed up I’ve become in a matter of 1-2 months. Just 3 months ago I was living a dream... I had EVERYTHING I wanted. I was the happiest guy on the face of this planet. Now I feel like I’ve lost everything. I have no desire to do anything. I spend my days sleeping, on dating sites, and drinking with friends. I’m a mess.

 

[Trent]

yes, you are a mess

way to fresia your entire life up (or kill yourself) over a girl

come on, now, get your honeysuckle together

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Been there and done that Bro....

You can simply just stop fighting it...go with the flow.
Party down..date lots of women. (thats what I did)
Hopefully you'll get sick and tire of your current life situations.
Eventaully i got sick and tired of that...but I couldnt fight the process.

Eventaully my ex and I got back together. i had to let her go too...
Like they say...if you love someone, set them free...

Relationships isnt always cut and dry. It's like a balancing act sometimes.
Break ups isnt easy no matter whos at fualt.
Even when things were good..We get emotionally attach or open up.
Then it turns into enmeshing. Then we find ouselve leaning on the other person on our happiness.
When we tired to take care of ourselves first...we're accussed of being selffish, heartless or insensitive.

At this junction...you're almost at survival mode or self presevations mode.
You must take care of yourself first...no matter how selffish it might feel to you.
At the sametime the fucken mental and emotional roller coaster are narely.

 

[Kat]

Forget about relationships for a bit because you clearly need to be single for a little while to focus on yourself. I would focus your efforts on getting a job, and if you can't, in the meantime, you really need to discipline yourself and make better choices. I don't know, create a routine where you apply for a minimum of a certain amount of jobs each week, then start treating yourself well. Go for a walk, eat right, force yourself to go to sleep at a reasonable time to wake up and do something. It sounds like you need a routine and functioned well when you had a routine.

 

[miltonbradley]

Where did you go to college and what was your occupation?

 

[IgnoredOne]

You need to calm down and take some time for yourself, away from women for a bit.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'm sorry, but you never put anyone else over the yourself. Over your well-being. Over how you treat yourself. That's just a set up waiting to happen.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Hmm... well sometimes we grieve and we let that take over our lives. The fact that you can reflect on all of this, then you are ready to move on.

Sometimes we have a need to relax and let out all of our pent up stress. You have been doing a good job of that. Maybe instead of going head first into a job hunt. Maybe just apply for one or two jobs. Then relax... work your way back into it.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I'm so sorry. Its so hard when you put everything into a relationship and get nothing in return. It destroys you like nothing else. You are going to love that girl for a very very long time after the fact and I predict it will have an impact on you in the sense that the next time you get into a relationship, you will be the one with baggage.

 

[perfanoff]

I’m well educated. I had/have an amazing career. I raked in big bucks. I was in a 5 year relationship which ended rather mutually last year. I never placed her before my career and education, ever. She gave me a tremendous amount of love and affection, and always chased after me. She’s tall, beautiful, and has a great body, on top of a childish sense of humour that suited me well. Though I loved her, I was distant and emotionally detached. After we broke up, I was depressed for sometime but I knew it was for the better. I didn’t really need a rebound, and didn’t feel like I needed a girl in my life.

But that changed this summer, when I decided it was time for me to find a girlfriend. After some searching, I finally found what I thought was the girl of my dreams. We had moments like I never had with my ex of 5 years. I fell in love on the second date. So did she. She already began talking kids with me. For the first time in my life, I was putting a girl ahead of my career and education. But after a while, it became clear she was carrying a baggage of hurt from previous relationships, and it started to take a toll on our relationship. Slowly, our relationship started unwinding and I went in desperation mode, trying to save the best thing that ever happened to me from failure. But my efforts didn’t do much, and shortly after, I became depressed after realizing I was losing what I thought was the girl of my life.

Eventually, I got fired from my job because I didn’t show up to work one day, citing “personal problems and difficulties.” And things continued to worsen with my relationship. I would break down crying every second day in the last 2 weeks and the week following the end of the relationship. Then, she began ignoring my casual texts... And after explaining to her I was depressed, suicidal, couldn’t sleep nor eat, and needed closure, she finally answered back “Here is your closure... GOODBYE.” I was devastated. This was 2 weeks ago.

Ever since then, I’ve been making terrible life decisions. I decided to look for love where I had truly felt it, so I begged for my ex of 5 years back. She said no, even though she’s single and hasn’t really dated since we broke up. So I was stubborn and decided to travel 7 hours to see her, and show her that I’m serious about her. I brought her flowers and her favourite A&W burger. Crushed and rejected once again.

I haven’t been looking for a job ever since I got fired, nor do I have the motivation to do so. On top of all, I’ve been drinking and driving frequently. Just last night I drove home pissed drunk... The guy in front of me got pulled over for speeding. At the time I thought it was hilarious because I was telling myself that the cops had no idea that just one car behind the speeder was someone committing a far more serious crime. But this morning I woke up realizing how stupid of me it was, and how screwed up I’ve become in a matter of 1-2 months. Just 3 months ago I was living a dream... I had EVERYTHING I wanted. I was the happiest guy on the face of this planet. Now I feel like I’ve lost everything. I have no desire to do anything. I spend my days sleeping, on dating sites, and drinking with friends. I’m a mess.

Welcome back to single life. Enjoy your stay,

 

[Gutted]

Consider this your low. Learn from it and start again. If you can get a great job once, you sure as hell can get it again. The same goes for any good in your life that has been lost. Also, don't feel bad about being the way you are. You're bound to be demotivated and destroyed after such events. You most certainly wont make the same mistake again. Now you just have to get back into that ideal position again.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Sorry you had to go through all that, Kings. We each have to go through honeysuckle like that or similar or even worse. It must be painful really when you've put such high hopes for someone or something and then they just crash.

I had a similar experience before this. But before I could even become depressed, I decided to take control of things. Keep positive, Kings, things will get better, trust me. Please take care of yourself and try not to drink and drive. It's really dangerous. Your life is precious, if you think to no one, well at least, I think it's precious to me. We need more nice people like you on this earth. Keep going with life, enjoy singledom. It's really not so bad, you know.

 

[KingsAgain]

Welp, thought I'd provide everyone with an update. But first, thanks to everyone for their support and kind words... I truly appreciate it.

After reaching my low at the time of writing my initial post, positive thoughts and the desire to return to productivity would hit me and would become more intense each morning I'd wake up. Eventually, I became more productive... First, I joined a gym for the first time of my life and I've been working out four times a week. Second, I started studying for my GMAT to get into an MBA program. Third, I found the motivation to start looking for work and getting some applications in -- even a cold call. And finally this week, I started eating like a health freak for the first time of my life. So though I remain unemployed (and I suspect I will be for a while considering the highly competitive nature of my job field -- finance), I've gradually bounced back to productivity. Also, I've been spending much less time on dating sites. As far as drunk driving is concerned, I've only had one case where I suspect I was AT the limit, and another case where I was definitely over the limit but drove for only 5 short minutes... Which is a considerable improvement for me.

On the downside: I've still been making poor decisions with regards to my relationships. I begged for my ex of 5 years back one last time. Of course, I was rejected again but at least that time I told her to never contact me again until she misses me. I haven't spoken to her since... This was 2 weeks ago -- which is the longest time since my depression began. Unfortunately, I still find myself stalking her Facebook page. =/

I also had the time to emotionally "detox" myself from my ex of 2 months and realize what garbage she was. But this woman could be a model -- incredibly pretty with a perfect thin body, and given the fact that we DID have some good times, I couldn't stop myself from messaging her after I noticed she unblocked me on Facebook. She was adamant in saying she missed me and wish we could get back together. So sure enough, we met on Saturday and though things went rather well, I only found out last night that she had actually went on a date with another guy THE FOLLOWING DAY (Sunday), and intends to see him again this weekend. REALLY??? What is it with this sheer stupidity? Though it hurt me, my walls were already back up and it hasn't affected my mentality. But that only makes me miss my ex of 5 years incredibly more -- she was unbelievably loyal and dedicated to me and was NEVER interested in any other guy the whole time we were together.

So in short, though I'm no longer depressed, I'm still feeling lonely and just wish this guy could be loved already!

 

[The Good Citizen]

You seem to be trying to pick yourself up since your first post, which is a start. A couple of things which I'd suggest, if only from experience.

1. The drink driving, there is no fine lines here, you get caught you are going to plummet way deeper than you are now, you will lose your licence, employment prospects will fall as a result. It’s no good asking the police, "can't you let me off this one time, I've been doing much better". You need to go out without your car, you obviously can't trust yourself not to flirt with the limit, it might cost a couple of quid in taxi's home but it will be a weight off your mind and could save you from a lot more pain if you get caught. You need to stop that immediately. Friend of mine who I shared with bust up with her boyfriend, came home drunk and upset, got in the car almost knocked me over when I tried to stop her, drove 200 yards down the road, got picked up by the police, lost her licence for 2 years ruined her job prospects. That was the first time she ever drove having had any sort of alcohol. Its something to keep in mind, you can and will get caught especially with Christmas coming and the extra focus on drink driving that brings. In fact why not just cut back on the beer for a while full stop, it will help with the health kick. Just have a month or two off to get your head together, its not been long since all this happened and its probably still raw.

2. "I told her to never contact me again until she misses me." That isn't going to work for closure, you have to put the past in the past and move on, not leave the door open for her, it wont improve your mindset and you'll be on Facebook again in no time seeing what she is up to. Personally, from experience I would remove her, tell her your reasons or better still sack Facebook off it can be poison when you are trying to get over people, it’s a window into their life that you don't need. As a suggestion, have a facebook clear out, close the account if you are serious about starting again. If you want you can create a new one and re-add a few close friends but it would help to build things up again from scratch, clear out a load of people that you associate with the past.

3. Regards your "ex" (and not your "ex ex"), meeting you but also meeting up with some other guy. It seems you only want her back because the other girl doesn't want you. Don't be bitter, try and remember that in a “all’s fair in love and war” sort of way, you’re both just rebounding at the moment and probably both looking for someone to help you get your head together. You've both been looking to others since your break up and you can't use her as a comfort blanket anymore than she should use you. Right now you need to clear your head, keep doing the positive stuff and drop these two girls and the drink driving from your mind.

Lastly, things will get better, but it will take time. Try and sort the job situation out first, it means when you meet someone you will be in a position to make the most of it.

 

[Malfoy]

If you keep up the drunk driving, you will likely end up killing innocent people. Then no one here, or anywhere else, will have any sympathy for you.

 

[Loser#1]

Forget about the women for a moment there are 200 million of them. You're obviously a bright guy and getting yourself back on track. It's very easy to go back to the 5 year ex because it's familiar, eventhough she rejected you she did you a favor. That should put all your focus on the moat important person right now, you. Kill the gym, get that MBA, make all the money. The girls will always be there bro, they are a dime a dozen. You're only going to meet one that will be forever, so in the mean time focus on the only constant in the equation, you. You make yourself the best you can be they'll be chasing you around

Dont contact either of your priors you spoke about. They are old news.

Also wait and savor the moment the ex that went on a date the day after seeing you contacts you. It will happen. Let a few guys buzzsaw through that thing and shell suddenly seem a lot less attractive, but that won't lessen the satisfaction of having her contact you, which of course shell do when she's depressed and feels used, or has been treated poorly.

You dictate your situation. Make it what u want it to be

 

[OhGodImLonely]

I’m well educated. I had/have an amazing career. I raked in big bucks. I was in a 5 year relationship which ended rather mutually last year. I never placed her before my career and education, ever. She gave me a tremendous amount of love and affection, and always chased after me. She’s tall, beautiful, and has a great body, on top of a childish sense of humour that suited me well. Though I loved her, I was distant and emotionally detached. After we broke up, I was depressed for sometime but I knew it was for the better. I didn’t really need a rebound, and didn’t feel like I needed a girl in my life.

But that changed this summer, when I decided it was time for me to find a girlfriend. After some searching, I finally found what I thought was the girl of my dreams. We had moments like I never had with my ex of 5 years. I fell in love on the second date. So did she. She already began talking kids with me. For the first time in my life, I was putting a girl ahead of my career and education. But after a while, it became clear she was carrying a baggage of hurt from previous relationships, and it started to take a toll on our relationship. Slowly, our relationship started unwinding and I went in desperation mode, trying to save the best thing that ever happened to me from failure. But my efforts didn’t do much, and shortly after, I became depressed after realizing I was losing what I thought was the girl of my life.

Eventually, I got fired from my job because I didn’t show up to work one day, citing “personal problems and difficulties.” And things continued to worsen with my relationship. I would break down crying every second day in the last 2 weeks and the week following the end of the relationship. Then, she began ignoring my casual texts... And after explaining to her I was depressed, suicidal, couldn’t sleep nor eat, and needed closure, she finally answered back “Here is your closure... GOODBYE.” I was devastated. This was 2 weeks ago.

Ever since then, I’ve been making terrible life decisions. I decided to look for love where I had truly felt it, so I begged for my ex of 5 years back. She said no, even though she’s single and hasn’t really dated since we broke up. So I was stubborn and decided to travel 7 hours to see her, and show her that I’m serious about her. I brought her flowers and her favourite A&W burger. Crushed and rejected once again.

I haven’t been looking for a job ever since I got fired, nor do I have the motivation to do so. On top of all, I’ve been drinking and driving frequently. Just last night I drove home pissed drunk... The guy in front of me got pulled over for speeding. At the time I thought it was hilarious because I was telling myself that the cops had no idea that just one car behind the speeder was someone committing a far more serious crime. But this morning I woke up realizing how stupid of me it was, and how screwed up I’ve become in a matter of 1-2 months. Just 3 months ago I was living a dream... I had EVERYTHING I wanted. I was the happiest guy on the face of this planet. Now I feel like I’ve lost everything. I have no desire to do anything. I spend my days sleeping, on dating sites, and drinking with friends. I’m a mess.

At least you have friends. And how could you fall down the cliff so rapidly ? Been fired for missing ONE ******* day ?! No way ! that's bullshit. Keep your head up man and respect yourself.

 

[nerdygirl]

I, too, was wondering what was up with being fired for missing one day.

 

[KingsAgain]

Another update since November.

I've had a new girlfriend for over two months. Best girlfriend I've ever had. But as great as she is, sometimes I wonder if I love her, or if I'm only around because I'm afraid of being alone again. The sad reality is that I think of my exes EVERY SINGLE DAY, even though I haven't had any contact with them since I've been with my girlfriend. WHY? I always wonder if my ex of 5 years is happy with her new boyfriend, or if she thinks about me at all.

And though I'm happy, I'm facing a new problem in life: complete lack of motivation. I haven't been looking for a new job, nor studying. I can't seem to figure out what's happened to me. On a brighter note, I've stopped driving under the influence altogether, and I don't consume no where as much alcohol as I once did.

PS: Why was I fired for missing one day? Let's just say my boss was uptight because he was the owner and expected a lot. I didn't fight it because it's not a job that appealed to me anyway.

 

[bodafuko]

You fixate on your exes because people always want what they can't have. If you can't learn to appreciate what is right in front of you instead of obsessing over what has come-and-gone, you will keep adding things (people) to the gone-bye-bye category. Careful. Learn humility, learn appreciation, learn acceptance, learn to live in the moment.