i wish I could feel, deep down, that I am worthy of love.

[Tiina63]

I don't want to sound depressing, but I wish, as my thread title says, that I could really feel that I am worthy of another person's love. I try to tell myself that I am, but deep down inside I wonder if I am unlovable, if there is something wrong with me, something defective and broken. Often I feel tainted in some way. I long so much for someone to be close to, to love and be loved, to be the same as others, not an outsider any more. It would be so good to really matter to someone, to feel that we are deeply important to each other. I'm sorry to sound so low, but being alone is getting me down so much.

 

[annik]

I honestly felt like I was reading my own thoughts reading that so in one way you are not alone. I wish I could help but I just don't know how. I really feel for you though.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I'm exactly the same a lot of the time. I feel inexplicably "different" from those out there that have romance in their lives and I even feel like I don't deserve that same affection for some reason.

Sometimes it's like I just don't think I'm happy enough to be with someone, as weird as that sounds?

It's clearly some kind of self-esteem issue that needs to be resolved I think. Unfortunately I'm not sure how to assist you about going about that!

If it's any consolation, many people feel identical with regards to the emotions produced by ongoing loneliness. I know I certainly do

 

[Ak5]

Have you had problems in your past?

If so, you have to let everything go, don't deny yourself love; especially if it's from someone else.

 

[kamya]

I know how you feel dood. I feel the same way a lot of the time. Not much you can do about it sadly other than keep trying.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

IVe been in relationships all my life.
Im in one now.
Yes the love and romances.
Yes that deeper connection.

At the sometime...there's trouble in paradise. And life isnt so perfect.
Sometime these troubles time can bring us closer( after the storm).
During the myst of it all it feels like were being torn apart.
I feel as if Im falling to pieces.
Like it or not...that deep bonding can also lead to codependency.

At some point... I must be able to stand on own two feet.
As strong of a person as i am thats very knowledgeable about
Loving myselg first. Talking care of myself first.
If anything, Im have to love myself unconditionally and get
Really deep within myself. And it dosnt come so easily
If ive been emotionally emmesh with someone i love
With all my heart and soul. I lose sight of myself or lose
Myself in the relationship.

Being in a relationship dosnt examp me from accepting mysef
And loving myself....especially during ttpuble times.

My fiance and I are very passionate. Its very firery
Durimg good times and bad times.

 

[Lost Drifter]

It is often said that we are our own worst critics and I see that being proven true time and time again. It’s a shame because if it wasn’t for the limits and restrictions that we impose on ourselves I’m sure we could all be far happier people. You have your own past that is obviously influencing these feelings, I’m not going to pretend that I know what that past is nor am I going to pry but what I will say is that you, I and everyone else on this fragile little rock are all deserving of our dreams and no-one, especially yourself, can take those away from you. If you want love then love is what you’ll get.

Of course there are going to be times when we feel unworthy or lacking in some way. In small doses this can be productive, spurring us on into making changes and taking action, but whilst it is ok to let the thoughts arrive you should never let them remain. It is easier said than done but there is a Japanese proverb that springs to mind:

"Fix the problem, not the blame"

If we feel that something is wrong, if we feel defective or lacking in some areas, then we must stop wallowing in the blame and take a step back to examine what could be causing those thoughts in the first place. Don’t cheat yourself by giving an "all of my previous relationships have failed" answer and don’t you dare use the poor "it’s just me, my fate or the way things are" excuse either. Have a serious think about what is making you feel like this. Is it a mistake that you keep on repeating? An aspect of your life that you are unhappy about? Is it your appearance or even where you are looking for love?

I hope you don’t think I’m being brash or picking on you, I just dislike seeing people feel so down about themselves, I’ve lived like that for years and it can be such a dark and overwhelming emotion that poisons all other areas of our lives. I haven’t gotten out of that hole yet but I think I’m getting there and if I can pull others out with me then the struggle has all been worth it.

 

[Anonymous Rex]

Unfortunately I can identify with what you're all saying.

There's something that keeps popping up on people's facebook profiles, a quote from Marilyn Monroe - 'you've got to love me at my worst, or you're not worthy of me at my best.'

I know it's sometimes hard to see our qualities, but as well as your flaws, whatever they are, you do have qualities. I think it's important to remember that - and if necessary, work on improving your qualities.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Lmao....Renae had the quote on her FB.
Hopefully ive seen the worst of ber.hahaha

Anyway..what drifter wrote hits me Right
At home. Renae and i have a past and history.
We both hurtted each other very much.
Allowing mysel to be love by her was totally backward of
How i thought i had to go about things.

I do know we love each other very much.
Were trying again and again.
Some people might think that's insanity.
But were both not giving up on our love and relationship.
We both want love and to see things through.
Its just how you see things.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Ive been ALLOWING myself to FEEL the happy joyest and free feelings
Of me receiving and having anything and everything. That all my hope and
Dreams had came true already.
Its developing deep personal change at the core of my being.

WANTING IS A STATE OF LACK.

ITS THE SAME PRINCIPLES OF LETTING GO OF NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
AND FEEINGS OR WHATEVER IT IS THATS BLOCKING ME.
LETTING GO OF SELF BOUDAGE or LImitations.

I guess thats why they say
"Tbou shsll not want"

WANTING IS A HABIT.
HAVING IS A HABIT TOO I GUESS.

WORKING IT FROM THE INSIDE OUT UNTIL BECOMES A BELIEFS
OR AT A SUBCONSCIOUS LEVEL.

IF I RAN WITH ALL THE NEGATIVE **** IN MY LIFE AND IT
DID MANIFESTED ITSELF.
SURELY IF I RUN WITH HAVING, IT WOULD MANIFEST ITSELF TOO.

 

[mintymint]

I think most everybody deserves love. I think you do. I hope that you find something fulfilling.

---

Ive been ALLOWING myself to FEEL the happy joyest and free feelings
Of me receiving and having anything and everything. That all my hope and
Dreams had came true already.
Its developing deep personal change at the core of my being.

WANTING IS A STATE OF LACK.

ITS THE SAME PRINCIPLES OF LETTING GO OF NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
AND FEEINGS OR WHATEVER IT IS THATS BLOCKING ME.
LETTING GO OF SELF BOUDAGE or LImitations.

I guess thats why they say
"Tbou shsll not want"

WANTING IS A HABIT.
HAVING IS A HABIT TOO I GUESS.

WORKING IT FROM THE INSIDE OUT UNTIL BECOMES A BELIEFS
OR AT A SUBCONSCIOUS LEVEL.

IF I RAN WITH ALL THE NEGATIVE **** IN MY LIFE AND IT
DID MANIFESTED ITSELF.
SURELY IF I RUN WITH HAVING, IT WOULD MANIFEST ITSELF TOO.

You too? Glad it's not just me.

 

[Tiina63]

Thank you everyone who has read my thread and who has replied. I am sad that so many can identify with what I have written, though at the same time it is good to know that I am not alone in feeling this way.
Lost Drifter, I don't think you are being harsh, because I agree that just sitting around making excuses such as 'it is fate' or whatever would be no help at all. It would just leave me where I am. I am in therapy and there are things in my past which have brought me to feel this way, and I want so much to come to terms with the past and to not let it ruin the rest of my life. My counsellor said that I am very determined and hopefully this will get me through and out of this hole i am in.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Well, ive been in recovery for a long time. Im ACOA. I attend NA, AA, Alanon.
12 steps based programm...

I actually saw a mental health counselor a week prior to driving from CA to TX to be
With the love of my life. The 1500 miles drive which took me
3days in itself scared the living **** out of me. My truck
Over heated while i was out in the middle of nowhere
In the middle of the night that was pitch black with no souls
Around within 50 miles. I had the heebee geebees. I did manage
To piss on the side of the road instead of all over myself.

My family,friends and sponsor knew i wss crszy.
Because i drove freaken 1000 miles back from Reno
After Renae and i saperated during the summer..devistate
And broken hearted.
Then i moved to Ventura to be closer to KIMI.( our daughter)
Trying savage our family. Kimi is devistated judt as well
Shes been struggling. She wants and needs to know she's
Loved. She held me very tight and didnt want to let go.
She knows I love her mother very mich but she needed
To know that I love her more than anything or anyone.

---

I drove to TX only to get Renae back CA. So that we
May be closer as a family..This js my hopez and dreams.
That we can be family as we all want and need.
While Kimi heart nay feel lighter knowing her
Parents are together again. She still needs
Our love and support more than ever.

Renae had falling ill. We cant return to CA
as planned.

---

The things i do for love.

---

I LOVE AND MISS KIMI VERY MUCH.

---

I need to set things right for Renae and Kimi.
Mend the fences. ALCHOLISM IS A FAMILY DISEASE.

Im ACOA and so is Renae.
We both grew up from dysfunction homes.
There wasnt a lot of love or healthy kind of love.
Kimi sufferes from the same disease.

Violence,ahused,neglected,abandoned...etc
We all have a desperate need to be loved.

 

[blackdot]

I've come to the understanding over the last 38 years that I am unlovable. I am a great friend. I am wonderful entertainment. I am an extremely loyal buddy. I am everything a married woman wants but everything a single female abhors.
But I don't think I was designed as someone that people could "love". I'm too scary I guess.

 

[kamya]

Blackdot =P. I feel ya dood. I don't get feelings for women very often but when I do that's how it tends to go.

Maybe when we get older things will be different.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

You have two choices. Choice number one is to embark on a quest to fix what you feel taints you. This requires self-reflection and admitting there is something wrong with you.

Choice number two, the choice I made. Accept that you are worthless. Then start finding ways to fill your time till you die.

 

[kinzeUK]

I don't want to sound depressing, but I wish, as my thread title says, that I could really feel that I am worthy of another person's love. I try to tell myself that I am, but deep down inside I wonder if I am unlovable, if there is something wrong with me, something defective and broken. Often I feel tainted in some way. I long so much for someone to be close to, to love and be loved, to be the same as others, not an outsider any more. It would be so good to really matter to someone, to feel that we are deeply important to each other. I'm sorry to sound so low, but being alone is getting me down so much.

I think that your post echoes quite a few people on this forum, it certainly does me. Believe me hun I know EXACTLY what your going through simply because I've gone through it myself and am still going through it. I don't know you or anything but from just your posts alone I can safely attest that you sound extremely worthy of someone's love, the right sort of person too. And I obviously can't tell you when that will happen for you but I can say that your with like-minded souls on here (I know you know this already I'm sure).

You sound like a real sweetheart so hang on in there with the rest of us real sweethearts, promise? :shy:

x

P.S. And for the record, I love how eloquently you articulate yourself too. Nothing better than reading posts on here where people aren't afraid to express themselves so elegantly

---

It is often said that we are our own worst critics and I see that being proven true time and time again. It’s a shame because if it wasn’t for the limits and restrictions that we impose on ourselves I’m sure we could all be far happier people. You have your own past that is obviously influencing these feelings, I’m not going to pretend that I know what that past is nor am I going to pry but what I will say is that you, I and everyone else on this fragile little rock are all deserving of our dreams and no-one, especially yourself, can take those away from you. If you want love then love is what you’ll get.

Of course there are going to be times when we feel unworthy or lacking in some way. In small doses this can be productive, spurring us on into making changes and taking action, but whilst it is ok to let the thoughts arrive you should never let them remain. It is easier said than done but there is a Japanese proverb that springs to mind:

"Fix the problem, not the blame"

If we feel that something is wrong, if we feel defective or lacking in some areas, then we must stop wallowing in the blame and take a step back to examine what could be causing those thoughts in the first place. Don’t cheat yourself by giving an "all of my previous relationships have failed" answer and don’t you dare use the poor "it’s just me, my fate or the way things are" excuse either. Have a serious think about what is making you feel like this. Is it a mistake that you keep on repeating? An aspect of your life that you are unhappy about? Is it your appearance or even where you are looking for love?

I hope you don’t think I’m being brash or picking on you, I just dislike seeing people feel so down about themselves, I’ve lived like that for years and it can be such a dark and overwhelming emotion that poisons all other areas of our lives. I haven’t gotten out of that hole yet but I think I’m getting there and if I can pull others out with me then the struggle has all been worth it.

Arguarbly the single best response I've read on this forum so far. You're another excellent poster LD and I also enjoy reading your words.

I'm seriously impressed with this post you made just so you know

 

[Bones]

I feel the same way and hope is fading rapidly.

One of things I wanted in life was a complete family for my daughter and someone stamped on my life's passport - Denied!

I don't want to sound depressing, but I wish, as my thread title says, that I could really feel that I am worthy of another person's love. I try to tell myself that I am, but deep down inside I wonder if I am unlovable, if there is something wrong with me, something defective and broken. Often I feel tainted in some way. I long so much for someone to be close to, to love and be loved, to be the same as others, not an outsider any more. It would be so good to really matter to someone, to feel that we are deeply important to each other. I'm sorry to sound so low, but being alone is getting me down so much.

 

[bluee]

So dude this is the feeling in which you don't have privilege that you can command on you on feeling. It become unconsciously.
Best of luck for your nest time.

 

[Tiina63]

To Kinze-thank you so much for your lovely reply. You wrote on another thread that you like my replies as well and this touched me so much. I know that there are certain people on here whose threads I always read because they 'speak' to me so deeply, and when I read what you said about my comments made me realise that I touch others as well.