If only tonight

[lilE]

If it weren't for my mother, I would kill myself tonight without a doubt and without thinking twice. Every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every week, every, month, every year i hate myself and prefer death over life. I can't wait until my body is six feet under and pushing up daisies, rotting away what is ever left of me, but at least I will be dead, no feelings, no pain, no hate.

 

[BeyondShy]

Hang in there please. Please.

 

[Tiina63]

Please, please don't harm yourself. I often feel the way you do and it is very, very hard to keep on going, but there are many people on here who care about you and who would be devastated if you did anything to hurt yourself.

 

[lilE]

Thanks Beyond and Tiina. I have not been feeling well and have been having mood swings. I feel so worthless as a person. I can't be around people without feeling like everyone is better than me in every possible way. I feel so alienated from the world, and at times ostracized. The only person that loves and cares for me is my mother which is the only reason why I haven't killed myself.

My anxiety is high, I feel like a loser, like I failed in every aspect of society. This has been going on for a long time, it gets to me and I am very tired, I give up but not totally as I am still alive.

 

[Despicable Me]

Thanks Beyond and Tiina. I have not been feeling well and have been having mood swings. I feel so worthless as a person. I can't be around people without feeling like everyone is better than me in every possible way. I feel so alienated from the world, and at times ostracized. The only person that loves and cares for me is my mother which is the only reason why I haven't killed myself.

Does she know you feel this way? You need to tell someone so that they can help you.

 

[lilE]

Yea, she knows, a lot of people know about what I am going through, but it doesn't make a difference. Nothing gets better and nobody is able to help me, this has been going on for a very long time.

 

[Despicable Me]

Yea, she knows, a lot of people know about what I am going through, but it doesn't make a difference. Nothing gets better and nobody is able to help me, this has been going on for a very long time.

There is someone who can help you, though. Yourself.
No one will ever be able to help you if you insist that nothing ever changes or ever will change. You must allow them to help you. You must want their help. You must accept that you need it. And you must accept that you have to change.
Only then can the change be real.

But if you tell yourself that you must die for anything to change then sadly you're only dooming yourself to that fate. No one else can save you, but you can save yourself. Just look inside yourself for the strength. It is there.

 

[Hopetracer]

I've felt similarly in the past and am sorry you're experiencing this. Please don't harm yourself, instead try to distract your mind by the activities you would enjoy doing. I understand you may not get any joy by doing those activities (it was exactly how I felt) but it can help you to keep self harming urges away from your mind. If there is anybody you can talk to about how you feel, keep doing it as well. Sometimes, our issues in life are so much that we feel we can't bear them anymore. It's important to give ourselves some time off from all those issues and do activities that somehow can keep them off from our mind.

I'm feeling better now while doing things that I think can help me progress and change my life for better and better.

I agree with what Despicable Me said. Yes, other people's support is so helpful but it is you who will change your life practically. I understand you're not feeling well now, hence the first step is to keep off issues from mind. As you start feeling better you can move to next steps.

Please keep writing to us how you're doing.

 

[lilE]

Yea, she knows, a lot of people know about what I am going through, but it doesn't make a difference. Nothing gets better and nobody is able to help me, this has been going on for a very long time.

There is someone who can help you, though. Yourself.
No one will ever be able to help you if you insist that nothing ever changes or ever will change. You must allow them to help you. You must want their help. You must accept that you need it. And you must accept that you have to change.
Only then can the change be real.

But if you tell yourself that you must die for anything to change then sadly you're only dooming yourself to that fate. No one else can save you, but you can save yourself. Just look inside yourself for the strength. It is there.

No...I just want to die, i hate living.

---

I've felt similarly in the past and am sorry you're experiencing this. Please don't harm yourself, instead try to distract your mind by the activities you would enjoy doing. I understand you may not get any joy by doing those activities (it was exactly how I felt) but it can help you to keep self harming urges away from your mind. If there is anybody you can talk to about how you feel, keep doing it as well. Sometimes, our issues in life are so much that we feel we can't bear them anymore. It's important to give ourselves some time off from all those issues and do activities that somehow can keep them off from our mind.

I'm feeling better now while doing things that I think can help me progress and change my life for better and better.

I agree with what Despicable Me said. Yes, other people's support is so helpful but it is you who will change your life practically. I understand you're not feeling well now, hence the first step is to keep off issues from mind. As you start feeling better you can move to next steps.

Please keep writing to us how you're doing.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I am pretty much alone in everything, with the exception of my mother who lives with me and knows what I am going through. I appreciate everything she is doing for me which is why I try and help her out the best way that I can and stay alive for her.

 

[Miki]

I think at this point, if you honestly can't live for yourself, keep living on for your mother. Please keep going, keep moving.

 

[lilE]

I think at this point, if you honestly can't live for yourself, keep living on for your mother. Please keep going, keep moving.

I will, thanks for your comment.

 

[Despicable Me]

No...I just want to die, i hate living.

I understand that, but why do you hate living? Why do you want to die?

 

[lilE]

No...I just want to die, i hate living.

I understand that, but why do you hate living? Why do you want to die?

Because **** life, I don't give a **** about living, and I don't owe you any explanation.

 

[Despicable Me]

Because **** life, I don't give a **** about living, and I don't owe you any explanation.

It's not about owing anyone anything. It is a very simple question and it was intended in order to help understand where you're coming from so we could help you.
But if you don't want to help anyone to help you, then why are you even here?
If you hate life so much that you can't even answer a simple question so that people can help you then you've already made your decision and there is nothing anyone else can do about that.
But do know that it is entirely your decision and absolutely nothing is forcing you to want to kill yourself. That is all on you.

So if you want help, and that is the only reason you'd have made this topic other than to just troll, then you should accept help when it is offered. Turning away the very thing you are looking for is just going to make things stay the way they are, because you are choosing to never allow them to change. Is this really what you want?