If your partner had an affair.....

[AimeeLou84]

Welp..
although we live in a technological society, we humans still have certain biological predispositions and urges, which includes lust. In my opinion, I don't believe that humans are biologically monogamous creatures, so if my partner ever cheated on me, I would "forgive" them because it's understandable. Society puts so much pressure on people to behave and think a certain way, and in a sense, it is unrealistic. We are only human.

Are you kidding me? From what you have written, I'm guessing you have no problem cheating on someone you care about. We are only human, so we do make mistakes. Saying that society puts pressure on people to think and act a certain way is just a stupid excuse for a person. Something like oh I'm sorry I was drunk. Please I have been drunk and pressured and still didn't do it. It's called respect for someone.

I couldn't agree more It's all about respect and whether you actually truly do love someone.Maybe saying it's bound to happen as we are only human makes it easier for some people to deal with being cheated on?Perhaps it lessens the pain somehow?Who knows.

 

[Pasha Selim]

I don't know about reaction (God, have mercy on me!) nor forgiving
But I think deep inside I would know I have my share in guilt. I was cheated because I was too feared, lazy, untaught... whatsoever.... to have a good, rich communication with her. Like Woody Harrelson in "Indecent proposal".

 

[Nyktimos]

I couldn't agree more It's all about respect and whether you actually truly do love someone.Maybe saying it's bound to happen as we are only human makes it easier for some people to deal with being cheated on?Perhaps it lessens the pain somehow?Who knows.

Plus, if we all decide it's only human and should be expected, that is one less reason to exert self-control.

 

[AimeeLou84]

Plus, if we all decide it's only human and should be expected, that is one less reason to exert self-control.

I agree.I never agree with cheating.I think there are circumstances that can lead to it but no matter what,it's always wrong.

 

[scotsgirl]

Welp..
although we live in a technological society, we humans still have certain biological predispositions and urges, which includes lust. In my opinion, I don't believe that humans are biologically monogamous creatures, so if my partner ever cheated on me, I would "forgive" them because it's understandable. Society puts so much pressure on people to behave and think a certain way, and in a sense, it is unrealistic. We are only human.

Fair enough if this is something in your relationship you have talked about and agreed on but don't think it works that way for many.

 

[Melanie]

Chill out there bucko...
I am entitled to my opinion even if you don't agree with it.
And I am not condoning cheating, if you actually read what I posted, what I am saying is that humans make mistakes according to certain standards. I am not saying to go out and cheat on your partner, but I am saying that if it does happen, it's a mistake, a forgivable mistake, in my opinion. If it's something that's recurring, than I would say forget about the person, but if someone I trusted had a moment of weakness, I would forgive them and move on. And yes, staying loyal to someone does display alot of self-control and self-lessness, but we are not Chris Reeve, we are only animals.

 

[badaboom]

Never ever ever ever can you forgive them if they do something messed up like that. Ever!

 

[frey12]

Welp..
although we live in a technological society, we humans still have certain biological predispositions and urges, which includes lust. In my opinion, I don't believe that humans are biologically monogamous creatures, so if my partner ever cheated on me, I would "forgive" them because it's understandable. Society puts so much pressure on people to behave and think a certain way, and in a sense, it is unrealistic. We are only human.

Melanie couldnt of taken it from my mind and put it down any better, despite the delusions that people think about their lives. Humans are not naturally monogamous(single partner/mate). I measure how much I am cared for through misery, and unhappiness. Does that mean I go to cause it no but it is a good factor. Affection is practiced to be faked. And if you say I am wrong you know even less people then I do. But if you don't abandon someone when they are at their lowest you know you really care for them and you know they really care for you. It is unfornate that I learned this but its the only true test of anything. Does that mean you have to hurt them no, does that mean you have to go out and be miserable no. But when you are down and things are bad for you. Whoever is left are the ones who care for you. (if you are a former drug addict or a current and your loved ones abandoned you this probably doesn't apply)
I have felt jealous once in my life but we weren't in a relationship, and it was such odd a feeling. It felt like a lot of heat was coming from my head. And it wasn't awful, i didn't feel insecure or betrayed. I guess because I haven't had the experience but I am cold, I am logical, and frankly I think unless they did it for the sole purpose of hurting me, and we could discuss their reasons. Which I imagine would be a mixture of them and I not being romantic or making time for each other assuming it was a relationship based on the long term it be forgivable or excusable. I mean you don't make it to end game relationships without a zombie taking a limb or hitting a speed bump that sends you flying into a brick wall.

 

[rijusam]

I forgave sherry for a lot of things. That woman was so pyscho *****,
she turned around an accused me of having an affair with the guy's wife. (Michelle).
Michelle and I were close friends. She was married. I was bascailly married to Sherry.
I just had a plutonic relationship with her.

I actaully asked Sherry to go talk to Michelle when all of that **** happened.
Sherry was arguing with me about money so she can go gambling...
I asked her to go talk to a friend or another woman, so we would stop fighting...not **** her husband.
Michelle was out of town that night. I didn't know that.

Sherry actaully blames me for sending her over there....Errrr Wtf ????

The accusations and interigations went on for months, it drove me up te fucken walls.
After 2 months of that ****;..the fucken dramma, the endless, sleepless nights of her wanting
to drink herself to death and interigating me. I simply gave in and told her whatever the
**** she wanted to hear, so she would shut the **** up, so I can get some sleep.
She then turnned around and went ape **** on me even more while I was at home.
She trunned around and used that **** against me....shear madness.
Yet when I was at work she'll call me or come into my work and threaten sueicide.

She would also hond me or stalked me..thinking I was going to break up with her or cheat on her.
In other words she was afriad i was going to **** Michelle...like get into crazy partner swaping or some ****.
Michelle and I were closed and our partner's cheated on us....Somewhere alone the line of,
payback is a *****!

Evidently...there's other women or people in my life at that piont.....Jenni.
Jenni and I didn't have any sexual relationship at that time. She was my friend.
I talked to Jenni alot becuase i was going crazy from all the fucken chaos.

I became very, very ill. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't focus on my work.
I just wanted peace...so I can get some rest inorder for me to think striaght, after a while.
My body constantly ran a fever and my head felt like it was going to explode. My heart
was broken. I was torn from head to toe. My thoughts and emotions got scrambled as
if she fucken pushed all the verious button of a blender.

I feared for Sherry's life as i did for mine. The guilt, shame and madness of it all.

Some of the **** that happened on this site reminds me of what Sherry did.(just a taste
of it)..the constant instigation of whatever the fucken piont was.

How did I feel inside about the matter of her cheating on me ?? It hurts.
I still have a lot of mental and emotional scars from the madness of it all.
Sherry have yet to say a word to me about anything that she had done or put us through,
yet Sherry' just so fucken holier than thou. I'm her secrets...I have all the details.
Sherry continue to use me as her escape goat..
Tities sells...yes it dose.

Forgiveness ?
As a child I was taught forgivness was about writing off all depts of a person that
trapassed me....Some people like to run up more fucken depts and more fucken depts.

When i got into recovery..I learned that forgiveness was for me...I forgave the other
person so that I don't carry the hurt and pain inside of me.
Even if I don't approve of the actions of the other's party.
I do not have power or control over the other party.

After Sherry...it's a cluster **** either way.
Right, wrong, or indfference, ....I have to let go of it all.
The fucken nightmair and insanity of it all.

I just want to get well.

I seek my healing from god...I hope there's god.
I don't know if anyone can understands me or give a fucken **** either way. I hope god dose.

I get alot of triggers writing all of this ****...I'm processing it and letting go of it.
In other words....it hurts like a mother ******..

Anywho, I remember my minister telling me " you're child of god michael...don't ever forget that"
before i met Sherry.

Hey lonesome

I thank God for creating a person (you) who posses an enormous amount of forbearance………I can see the amount of pain that you took to put the relationship in place…..and to be honest if I was in your place I would have exploded at the first instance my partner doubted and accused me ………but you took it all to yourself and just cared for her……. man , you are a hero …..you don’t deserve a complaining, nagging mate like her…..look at what the bible say about people like her

Better to live on the roof than share the house with a nagging wife. (GNB: Prov 21.9)

Better to live out in the desert than with a nagging, complaining wife. (GNB: Prov 21.19)

A nagging wife is like water going drip-drip-drip on a rainy day. How can you keep her quiet? Have you ever tried to stop the wind or ever tried to hold a handful of oil? (GNB: Prov 27.15)

Friend I don’t know you…..nor have I met you….but I have now learned you from the above post of yours……what you need now is a break, a damn good break!......... go ahead make things clear, convey your innocence to her - if she accepts it, good, or else forget it…..don’t worry, God is watching you both……..you did your part well, now it is time for you see the outcome…….I just want you to know that I am gonna start praying for you….you know - God is my dad, he created me, he will not turn down any of my prayers……I will talk to him about you and miraculously he will pull you out of this demeaning situation……….

Take care

With lot of prayers

Riju

 

[Antihero]

If my girlfriend cheated on me, I would have to reinvent my self. Although I'm sure I would be alone for a long time I would make a point to never see her again, which is a doubled edged sword considering all of my present friends I know through her. Still, it is a sacrifice I would have to make.

I would try to get as far away from this life as I possible could. I would revisit the prospect of going abroad.

On the outside I would try to give the appearance of strength and pride, but I know that on the inside I would be crushed.

 

[Naleena]

You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough.- Frank Crane

I have been deceived and watched as my world came crashing down, sadly, I must live in torment because trust will not come easy or any time soon. - Ghost

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Ghost)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Ghost))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Ghost))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Not all women are like the one who betrayed you. It will take time to trust again, I know. You have been through a lot and it's understandable. Never lose hope

 

[EveWasFramed]

Does anyone have an opinion on whether or not the reason for the cheating shoud be considered? Just wondering...I don't think I've seen any comments on that yet....

 

[AimeeLou84]

I mentioned that there are circumstances that can lead to cheating.Of course there are.It isn't always black and white.However I think cheating is the easy option sometimes.For example: A couple who never communicate because one partner doesn't like communicating can lead to the other person feeling lonely and misunderstood.After a period of time they could start to seek comfort elsewhere and that is why many people cheat.However,the comfort is often short lived and it isn't what they are really looking for - they want the comfort in their own partner.

That is just one reason why people cheat.Men and women are guilty but the reasons behind the cheating seem to differ depending upon the *** of the person.Women tend to cheat to seek comfort and understanding.Men cheat more because of lust and pure sexual satisfaction if they are feeling unfulfilled at home. There are so many reasons why people could cheat,but again I fee its an easy way out that brings comfort in the short term and does a lot of damage in the long term.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Women tend to cheat to seek comfort and understanding.Men cheat more because of lust and pure sexual satisfaction if they are feeling unfulfilled at home. There are so many reasons why people could cheat,but again I fee its an easy way out that brings comfort in the short term and does a lot of damage in the long term.

lol, I must disagree with that just a little. I think both men and women cheat for some of the exact same reasons. I think it depends on the person doing the cheating.

"Men cheat more because of lust and pure sexual satisfaction if they are feeling unfulfilled at home..."

I will agree with that somewhat, but I'd be willing to bet that isn't the only reason, merely part of it. Men want the same thing women want - to feel loved and wanted and desired. lol, any guys can feel free to tell me if they disagree.


EDIT: I do agree with most of your post, BTW. Especially the part about short-lived comfort costing them so much in the long run.

 

[Bluey]

If your partner had an affair, how would you react? Could you forgive him or her?

I would kick my partner to the curb. Ye am a heartless ******* that would cut my own knows of to spit my face and maybe that unforgiven side I have is one reason am seat here alone and drunk to night.

 

[AimeeLou84]

If your partner had an affair, how would you react? Could you forgive him or her?

I would kick my partner to the curb. Ye am a heartless ******* that would cut my own knows of to spit my face and maybe that unforgiven side I have is one reason am seat here alone and drunk to night.

Just because you wouldn't forgive a person for cheating doesn't mean you're heartless.It means you have respect for yourself and you won't let yourself be walked over.Everybody is different and if your boundaries include "cheat on me and it's over" then that's a pretty normal reaction and it certainly doesn't make you heartless.

 

[AimeeLou84]

Women tend to cheat to seek comfort and understanding.Men cheat more because of lust and pure sexual satisfaction if they are feeling unfulfilled at home. There are so many reasons why people could cheat,but again I fee its an easy way out that brings comfort in the short term and does a lot of damage in the long term.

lol, I must disagree with that just a little. I think both men and women cheat for some of the exact same reasons. I think it depends on the person doing the cheating.

"Men cheat more because of lust and pure sexual satisfaction if they are feeling unfulfilled at home..."

I will agree with that somewhat, but I'd be willing to bet that isn't the only reason, merely part of it. Men want the same thing women want - to feel loved and wanted and desired. lol, any guys can feel free to tell me if they disagree.


EDIT: I do agree with most of your post, BTW. Especially the part about short-lived comfort costing them so much in the long run.

I also agree that there are many reasons why men and women both cheat.To list them all would take forever lol.It alld epends upon the individual circumstances.I was just giving a few main general reasons why I think men and women cheat

 

[TheLonelySkeptic]

Do I even want to comment on this thread?

 

[eh?]

I haven't had the experience so I cannot accurately answer. But I would guess it would depend on how I was feeling during her confession.
If you asked me yesterday, I would say yes, I could and would forgive.
But at this moment, I would say no. I would probably try to distance myself and cry in a dark corner somewhere.

Of course there are many other variables such as time, frequency, with whom, her feelings, her attitude, etc.

 

[Papabear]

I've actually been on both sides of this situation.

I know people make mistakes, and while I might forgive them... that would certainly be the end of our relationship.