Ignored by friends?

[edamame721]

A while back, I had a huge fight with one of my friends and we took a break from each other for a few months. We've mended the friendship but it isn't as close as it was before. We also had a mutual friend who wanted to remain friends with both of us during the fight, but she's been ignoring me.

When she comes into the city to visit her family, she'll spend time with other friends, which I end up hearing about. She'll call friends after work just to shoot the breeze.

I once called to try to catch up, and asked her to call me back when she had time. I had silence for a month. When my grandmother passed away and I needed to have someone to talk to, I ended up e-mailing about it because I didn't feel comfortable picking up the phone anymore. She did eventually call me, but after that I had silence again.

I feel so distrustful of people lately. When I say that I'm sad, I get told that only I can make myself happy. When people come for me for help, and I can help only to a certain extent, I get told off for not doing enough. I really feel like giving up on being social at all.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I totally get what you're saying. It's why I don't really try to expect much out of "friends" that I make anymore. I try.. but sometimes we can't help it, now, can we? We're only human. It gets easier each time though. Like before, I could never.. ever block anyone no matter how hurtful they are to me. But it has hardened and toughened me up over time.. now I don't take **** from people or friends if they keep giving it to me.. once, twice, maybe reasonable, but if it happens for too many times.. I would just give up on them.

Not saying you should give up on your friend, but from before, seems like she hasn't really been a friend to you at all. A real friend wouldn't do such things to you.

Sorry you have to go through this though. I sincerely hope that a good person will come along to be your friend and show you what it's like to have a real good friend, because you're such a nice person yourself. Hang in there, okay? *hugs*

 

[Seeker]

Have you ever directly confronted her, as in trying to honestly tell her that you are annoyed and confused by her behavior towards you? You can either do that and at least know for sure what is going on in her mind or just let her go and stop trying to reach up a friend who doesn't care enough for you to call you. Either way, losing a good friend is hard, I understand that, but at least you will know why you lost her, if this happens.

 

[GearsOfWar93]

This sounds a lot like high school drama. You sound like you may be in your upper 20s work and email and such. Your friends sound like there stuck in high school still and that you have out grown that. Your friends also seem to give off the vibe of "me me me" "listen to me im hurting worse" "me me me." Maybe you could try aiming more for friends on your level. Your aloud to hurt and your aloud to want to have someone that will listen to you. Sometimes you just want someone to hear you for a change nothing wrong with that. If these people arent making even the slightest effort to be in your life why try to be in theirs. I could be reaching here but im pretty sure with your grandmother passing away you have enough on your plate you dont need the extra drama from them. Sometimes we just have to let people go because they cut the cord first and its no use trying to put the strands back together because even if you do you can still see that it just doesnt fit together like it once did.

 

[Tiina63]

Could it be possible that your mutual friend's sympathy was with your other friend when you argued? Maybe she is worried that your friendship with your other friend isn't as close as it was and is concerned that you might try to draw her into taking your side? I am not for a moment saying that you would do this, but am merely wondering if it is a possibility.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Yeah, sometimes friendships become strained by confrontations and feel different after. It hurts to lose one you held so close but sometimes it is better to just let it go, not saying to cut ties but just let it take its course.

 

[jayme89]

A while back, I had a huge fight with one of my friends and we took a break from each other for a few months. We've mended the friendship but it isn't as close as it was before. We also had a mutual friend who wanted to remain friends with both of us during the fight, but she's been ignoring me.

When she comes into the city to visit her family, she'll spend time with other friends, which I end up hearing about. She'll call friends after work just to shoot the breeze.

I once called to try to catch up, and asked her to call me back when she had time. I had silence for a month. When my grandmother passed away and I needed to have someone to talk to, I ended up e-mailing about it because I didn't feel comfortable picking up the phone anymore. She did eventually call me, but after that I had silence again.

I feel so distrustful of people lately. When I say that I'm sad, I get told that only I can make myself happy. When people come for me for help, and I can help only to a certain extent, I get told off for not doing enough. I really feel like giving up on being social at all.

Whatever you do don't turn into a people pleaser! If you can tell her how you feel and she doesn't change then stop initiating contact with her, she clearly doesn't care as much about your friendship as you do. Invest that same time and energy into finding other people you connect with. I wanted a friend who i could actually tell enjoyed being around me and talking to me and initiated hanging out and phone calls with me and the universe finally sent one my way! If my other friends don't get the hint then there going to be left behind and i won't feel bad

 

[GrannySmith111]

I'm going through something similar. Friends seem to not care anymore. They've moved on without me fine. I barely talk to them anymore despite living like 10 min away lol. I go to a different school.

The best thing to do is to make new friends. Much easier said than done, and I know that. However, what else can you do? You can't FORCE your friends to become friends with you again. If they've decided to stop being friends with you or more importantly, truly don't care about you, then they shouldn't be your friend anymore.

I never said you had to leave your friends, just move on and make new ones. If you make new friends and your old friends don't come back, yay for you since you have new friends! If you keep yourself attached to your old friends, and they suddenly decide you're worthless to them and they don't need you (like in my case lol) you'll feel like you've been left in the middle of nowhere. Nobody to talk to, nowhere to go.

It's not easy to make friends, and it's probably close to impossible to make true friends who will stick around for a long long time. I still can't seem to find any "true" friends.