I'm 22 and can't even get a 16 year old girl to date me. I feel so pathetic.

[Paraiyar]

To some extent, you have to consider the 'self' that you're proposing to a person that you're asking out to be a product that you're attempting to sell. A lot of people on this forum probably don't have the highest opinion of their own value, and that shoots them in the foot while they attempt to sell themselves to a prospective partner. A few points that I think are invaluable lessons to unsuccessful daters: value yourself; if you don't, pretend to externally. You're more interesting to others if you have a lot of things, hobbies, obligations going on; if you don't, pretend to. In lieu of actual hobbies and daily activities, claim them in casual conversation. If they think of you as the person that goes home every night to play video games, watch TV, and do other isolated things, you're selling a less interesting product than other suitors.

***Warning: these are assumptions based on very little knowledge of who you are. Try not to take this offensively, please.***
The reason that you would be interested in seriously dating an underage girl probably falls back on your own estimated self-worth. Younger girls have less going on so far as real world responsibilities; she has less worldly experience, and thus less standards of how she would want you to be. A 22 year old woman may want you to have certain elements of your life figured out, but a 16 year old is still figuring herself out. To somebody struggling, that may be very appealing.

Legality aside, you need to ask yourself if your time wouldn't be better spent raising your own value. Chasing a higher paying job/higher education/higher level of physicality would only serve to increase your internal and external value on the dating market. Plus, with every accomplishment you add to your resume, you give yourself the confidence to try again.


tl;dr: Respect yourself. Value yourself. Have interesting hobbies. And, if you can't accomplish those three points, fake it until people believe you. Nobody knows anything more than what you tell them.

Is she underage where the op lives? She wouldn't be in my country.

 

[Hoarse Whisperer]

I'm not really sure where OP lives, but if he is in the United States, it will vary by state. In my current state of California, the AOC is 18, but I have lived in states where the AOC is 16, so who knows?

 

[Matt L]

Well it doesn't matter anymore because she was fired from the store. She's out of my life and now I can return to my mundane existence.

 

[GizmonicScrewdriver]

 

[MisterLonely]

She's 16 now and way to young to date a 22 year old ofcourse, in just 2 short years she can marry a 60 year old, and star in as many **** movies as she wants! cause the law says she mature enough at that point....

Fact is, some will be mature enough for a meaningful relationship at 16, some won't be even at 18 or 22 or who knows what age, give the OP the benefit of the doubt that this is not about getting a young piece off ***, but about an infatuation as normal as any other boy meets girl situation.
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That said, it's time to move on, she might have said what she said not to string you along (or at least not on purpose) but because she knew she couldn't avoid you since you worked together, I'd advise against romance on the work floor personally, it more often ends in disaster then it does in happily ever after.

 

[toolman69]

Matt i'm going to put my two cents worth in.. first off you should not be trying to date any girl under the age of 18 it's wrong and you know it!! besides young pretty girls like that wouldn't give the average guy a second though or first for that matter now don't get me wrong i'm not saying you are not attractive to girls but maybe you are aiming to high i'm sure there is a church in your town that is a good place to meet and get to know a good girl give it a try. and you talk about girls in high school so you know what girls are like at that age your time would be better spent on getting to know and date a girl closer to your age they are more mature and don't play games as much as the younger ones do ok..thanks just my opinion.

 

[morrowrd]

There's a new girl at work who I like a lot. She's fun, energetic and a friendly person to be around. She's the second girl in my life that I've built the nerve to ask out. She told me that she isn't allowed to date other guys just yet. But the next week I find out she has a "kinda sorta boyfriend", I assume someone else she's interested in. 

This is an endless cycle I feel I will never escape. Every time an attractive girl smiles at me, talks to me or just even notices me, I'm stricken for them. I mistake her friendly nature, which she shows to everyone around her, for interest in me. Then I obsess over her. I can't get her face out of my head. I can't stop thinking back on our past interactions. I stress about the next day I may be able to see her. And these girls are either always taken or not interested in me as a potential partner. I hardly get to work with her at all, maybe twice a week at most so I barely get to see her. I wished I didn't at all so maybe I could get over her but at the same time whenever she's not around I miss her.

This effects me a great deal. I've never been on a date, held hands, kissed a girl etc. I feel depressed that I'm missing out on so much in life that I should've already experienced. I don't have any friends to distract me. I live in a crappy rural town where there's really nothing to do or anywhere to go that could help me get my mind off things. When I'm not at work I just sit at home for a couple hours and sleep the rest of the day. I feel so dead and empty inside. I can't stand feeling like I'm less than human. That I was born too pathetic to experience one of the most basic human needs.

Sorry this is kinda all over the place, I just needed to vent.

I think too many people are missing the point of this post and overly focusing on the age difference. That is a separate issue here, and the real message is that he can't even get a date with a naive childlike female.  Kind of reminds me of the phrase, "if he can't do it, anyone can."

The problem here is hopelessness.  There's no options around you, there's nothing to do, and what little opportunity that occasionally appears, disappears.

There is a messed up order of operations going on in your system.  Being young isn't a crime, but you should know that at your age, and based on your post that kind of backs up my perspective here, is that you are looking at the little picture.  Reminds me of people who show up on a job, jealous at the salary people are receiving who have worked there for 30 years.  You need to pay your dues in life, not that it's a requirement to get a girlfriend. Hell, the biggest problem in your situation is where you live most likely.  When I was about to get out of the army back in the 80's, I wanted a girlfriend...bad.  No internet at the time, thus I turned to the next best thing, the world almanac - looked up cities in the united states that had a skewed ratio of females to males.  Found a good place with good odds, and moved there. Guess what? My luck there was no ******* different that my luck in the military town I just left.  So, I moved again, changed my system, and within a week my luck changed. That is a story in itself, for another time around the beernight campfire.

Back to you, not knowing you or your level of social skills, looks, health-level, or really anything, I will go with the law of averages. You probably need some good confidence-boosting experiences to build your abilities in communication confidence skills.  Definitely use work as a classroom of life by tweaking general communication between yourself and other people. Suzette Hayden Elgin's communication books are the foundation from where I reformed my own communication ability.  Remember, women/girls LOVE to talk, and we men need to learn to listen to them. Learn to provide valuable feedback - and honestly be interested.

At your age, I was engaged. (although that was a big bad mistake on my choice. another story)  The moral of that statement was I moved, several times.   To increase your odds of getting a date, you might need to remember "location location location" sometimes is the biggest difference. Another piece of advice, if you're not in shape, start a workout program.  I've worked out for almost 40 years - and being muscular doesn't guarantee girls will be gushing over your muscles, but it does boost YOUR confidence level some by giving you a better self image.  I'm not really good looking at all, but while dating I really didn't focus on my balding disposition (which everyone male in my family suffers from), nor my height which "used" to be average at 5' 10" - sometimes I think everyone these days is 6' +. And while I am probably average at best in the looks dept, and as a general life pattern, people tend to dislike my personality (and even now - my "friends list" is a very short one), I have had rather good luck with women. If I had to choose between having a healthy social circle or a romantic one-on-one relationship, I'll dismiss the entire social world here on earth. Which pretty much is what I might as well have done in life.

Anyway; this gives you a good place to start.

* Location
* Build better communication skills
* workout program

Those are three things you CAN do to better the odds.  Start there.

 

[Jessicat]

Was thinking the same thing. The age thing isn’t the problem here.
Good post. ️

 

[Kamaione]

Legal implications aside, a 16 year old girl may not even know who (or what) she really wants. She may be with the "sorted" guy because he has some quality that appeals to her, or even material possessions that do... I don't know this girl, and I am not trying to present teenagers as a shallow lot, but there are some things that don't come until one is at least a bit older. I am sorry that you are having so much pain behind this, and also that it seems to be a recurring pattern. But ultimately, the only person we can change is ourselves...

 

[Bam111]

Legal implications aside, a 16 year old girl may not even know who (or what) she really wants. She may be with the "sorted" guy because he has some quality that appeals to her, or even material possessions that do... I don't know this girl, and I am not trying to present teenagers as a shallow lot, but there are some things that don't come until one is at least a bit older. I am sorry that you are having so much pain behind this, and also that it seems to be a recurring pattern. But ultimately, the only person we can change is ourselves...

I don't think this user is still around Kamaione look at the date of post its was in 2017 I have not seen him around.

 

[Kamaione]

Oh dopey me, lol! Thanks Bam!

 

[Bam111]

Oh dopey me, lol! Thanks Bam!

Its ok no worries

 

[Azariah]

what's wron with an 18 year old and above? they probably have bigger... assets. And are more experienced.

 

[ardour]

Bizarre thread. The 16 year old probably had enough sense not to date a grown adult? Why would anyone want to date younger at 22.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Bizarre thread. The 16 year old probably had enough sense not to date a grown adult? Why would anyone would want to date younger at 22.

You'd be surprised how many 16 years old girls are into men that age. At least in America.

 

[user 139760]

Listen, kiddo, first rule; RELAX. If you start torturing yourself or force yourself into a slump of misery, it's hard to come back out.
Second. You might feel you're missing out, or late, but if you're as shy as you seem to be, the fact this is the second time you've built the nerve is a good thing, not a bad one. Means you can succeed and it wasn't a fluke,or just the right person at the right time. Third; you have your answer, so be her friend. If she doesnt want to, dont be her friend; nothing binds you except work. Learn to treat her as just another colleague. I know, it's difficult and takes time. But remember; she's just one girl. There are millions of them on this planet and there IS a special someone for you, keep that in mind.Learn to gracefully accept rejection, like so few men do.

Personally, long ago, I was 18 and got asked out by a very gorgeous girl who was very into me; she was 15. She gave me her number and I never called her, because the age difference bothered me, but because also, even tho she acted seemingly mature for her age, a 15 year old is often not in the same mental headspace as an 18 year old. Add 20 years, the difference becomes rather insignificant; I would have been 38, her35. Hell, the mother of my kids is 5-6 years older than me. But at the time, I felt she was more child than woman. Maybe I missed something, but you can only go according to how you feel.
Anyway, point being, wait a while for you to settle down some, then build up your nerve again and try aiming for someone closer to your age range. People's mentalities differ significantly pre-40's, whereas over time, the differences become lesser. You'll most likely find someone that's better suited for you and on the same wavelength.

Hope this helps. Good luck, man.

 

[Juana24]

There's a new girl at work who I like a lot. She's fun, energetic and a friendly person to be around. She's the second girl in my life that I've built the nerve to ask out. She told me that she isn't allowed to date other guys just yet. But the next week I find out she has a "kinda sorta boyfriend", I assume someone else she's interested in.

This is an endless cycle I feel I will never escape. Every time an attractive girl smiles at me, talks to me or just even notices me, I'm stricken for them. I mistake her friendly nature, which she shows to everyone around her, for interest in me. Then I obsess over her. I can't get her face out of my head. I can't stop thinking back on our past interactions. I stress about the next day I may be able to see her. And these girls are either always taken or not interested in me as a potential partner. I hardly get to work with her at all, maybe twice a week at most so I barely get to see her. I wished I didn't at all so maybe I could get over her but at the same time whenever she's not around I miss her.

This effects me a great deal. I've never been on a date, held hands, kissed a girl etc. I feel depressed that I'm missing out on so much in life that I should've already experienced. I don't have any friends to distract me. I live in a crappy rural town where there's really nothing to do or anywhere to go that could help me get my mind off things. When I'm not at work I just sit at home for a couple hours and sleep the rest of the day. I feel so dead and empty inside. I can't stand feeling like I'm less than human. That I was born too pathetic to experience one of the most basic human needs.

Sorry this is kinda all over the place, I just needed to vent.

Hey Matt, I'm sorry that you're feeling that way. Thanks for sharing those feelings, I think that's a first and very important step. I understand how you feel you know... I've experienced those kinds of feelings in other contexts and I know how infuriating and frustrating they can be. You just feel lost and "less than a human being" as you said.

If you allow me I'd like to share my experience with those kinds of feelings... I've learned that it is ok to accept them and just feel them (Cry and shout and be sad) BUT then, it is important to actively try to get them out. I think a good way to begin doing that is to notice that comparing ourselves to others and feeling beat about not having this or not being that is simply a waste of time. In my case, I used to compare myself a lot to other people of my age (I'm almost 30) who are getting married, who have traveled to other countries, who are buying apartments or getting more degrees... And man.. of course, I used to feel like ****. But tell me, is it even logical to make yourself stay in the victim's position forever? It isn't. There will come a moment when you'll have to decide and I really hope you can stand up and take action, I really hope you can find small things you can do to improve yourself every day, without expecting anything from others, just trying to find your own path and your own voice.

When you stop focusing on finding THE girl and you stop focusing on "oh she looked at me or not", and you begin focusing on being a better person, 1% better at anything, at anything that you like, man, anything. THAT will make you feel better about yourself. And then, sooner or later... that will attract other people to your life and you won't have to be suffering because you don't need to beg for them to be around, and you won't even need them to be happy, but you'll be able to share your own happines with them. That's what I believe. And I'm not speaking from a position of achievement, I'm speaking from the journey. I have no friends man! That's why I'm here! hahah but I'm still trying to be better, to be a better artist, a better teacher, a better sister and daughter... I'm trying, and I make a conscious effort every day to stop thinking about those things I don't have and those goals I haven't achieved yet and just trying to continue day after day.

I think you can't expect to be in a relationship (at least not a healthy one in which you accept and respect the other person's interests and feelings and vice versa) if you're letting your intrusive thoughts beat you every day, in every moment of your waking existence. I hope you can find a way out of it and try shifting your view to a brighter side... Man, sometimes you just have to be thankful every day, even if it's just because you can feel the sunshine on your skin! At least that minimum of positivity you could add to your day. That would be a good 1%, to begin with.

Bye!

 

[M_also_lonely]

 

[dan27]

Jailbait ! WTFU man !

 

[Forgottendanfan]

Try being 34 and never having experienced any more than a few platonic hugs.