I'm depressed and thinking about killing myself.

[annanyc]

I am a 27 year old Russian-American woman living in New York. I am currently a part-time student finishing my Bachelor's degree in Anthropology. I am graduating from college next semester. Unfortunately, my cumulative GPA is only a 2.5 because I screwed up my freshman and sophomore years of college. I have Asperger's syndrome and poor time management skills, which made it difficult for me to take a full course load each semester and get good grades in every course. I am interested in pursuing a career in biological anthropology, archaeology, environmental science, sustainability, public health, neuroscience, or animal behavior. I would like to kill myself because my horrible GPA would prevent me from getting a job. I am so tired of being in school forever that I'm not going to stay an extra semester to raise my GPA. I am depressed and I don't have any friends anymore. During the weekends, I used to enjoy going to art museums, world music concerts, bookstores, science lectures, and hiking trips. Now, I stay alone in my room crying all the time. I am constantly thinking about methods to commit suicide, such as jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge, drowning, poisoning myself, cutting myself with a knife, or being eaten by animals. Do you think that I should continue living or kill myself after graduating from college with a 2.5? I feel like my life is over.

 

[Garbageman]

Yes you should keep living. You are putting way to much emphasis on your GPA. Many people never graduate or even go to school in the first place. Also if you GPA is low due to your first years, you can point that out to perspective employers how you finished, not how you started. Many people fail courses or do poorly in their first years of college. A low GPA is no reason to consider taking your life. I really think that you should seek help, perhaps you could see if your school has some counselors to talk with. Hang in there. Don't let thoughts of suicide take over your life. Your life is not over. Its only over if you choose to end it prematurely. If you need someone to talk to, send me a PM. Hang in there, and take care.

 

[nerdygirl]

You should continue living. Please consider seeking some counseling.

 

[Mr.YellowCat]

Hello.
The way you write, as well as your ambitions indicate that you do posses intelligence that would allow you to answer the question without our help.
By the process of rational thought, I do not believe you can find killing yourself as something desirable. And we are not doing any generalizations.
Even if we consider that there may be reasons why to commit suicide, the reason you are stating is not acceptable for justifying doing so.
When you look at the path of a scientist, as a scientist, you must see that there are ways of overcoming this shortcoming in your results.
I do not have any particular advice to what you should do. But I do think that realizing the possibilities of adjusting to the new situation while still having your goals the same would be for the best in pursue of your, I dare say, dreams.

And If I use the easiest, even vulgar in a way, language of explanation: When you do something, achieve something, figure out something, find something etc., in the field of science, no rationally thinking person will give a c**p about your GPA.

Just believe in yourself miss I believe in you

 

[Okiedokes]

The best thing for you to do is go get counseling and see about an antidepressant. I recommend both with the way you are feeling right now. A lot of times, people just want relief..not to die. I hope things will get better for you.

 

[EveWasFramed]

http://suicide.org/

We encourage you to visit the above site.

 

[edamame721]

Please don't take your life. Most employers will not ask about your GPA. You don't have to put it on your resume. You may not feel like continuing school, but it's okay to take a break and feel better before going back into it. I've known people who've gone back to school nearly 10 years after finishing their first degree. It's not the end of the world. *hugs*

Please try calling a hotline: http://suicidehotlines.com/newyork.html

I've actually called one before and it was good to have someone to talk to who didn't know me or judge me. And remember, everyone here cares about you.

 

[licorice]

Many people have recovered from a bad start, and many people with Asperger's have found ways to compensate for problems with executive function. It sounds like you've put the ultimatum of "succeed or fail" on yourself in school, but life can continue to bring in new opportunities even after some haven't gone according to plan.

 

[Azariah]

Hi, please don't kill yourself. im not a doctor but what helps for me is to get some sunshine, get some exercise, take a break from using electronic devices too much. draw, write poetry or just write whatever you feel. you are not alone suffering. this too will pass.

 

[lostatsea]

I am a 27 year old Russian-American woman living in New York. I am currently a part-time student finishing my Bachelor's degree in Anthropology. I am graduating from college next semester. Unfortunately, my cumulative GPA is only a 2.5 because I screwed up my freshman and sophomore years of college. I have Asperger's syndrome and poor time management skills, which made it difficult for me to take a full course load each semester and get good grades in every course. I am interested in pursuing a career in biological anthropology, archaeology, environmental science, sustainability, public health, neuroscience, or animal behavior. I would like to kill myself because my horrible GPA would prevent me from getting a job. I am so tired of being in school forever that I'm not going to stay an extra semester to raise my GPA. I am depressed and I don't have any friends anymore. During the weekends, I used to enjoy going to art museums, world music concerts, bookstores, science lectures, and hiking trips. Now, I stay alone in my room crying all the time. I am constantly thinking about methods to commit suicide, such as jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge, drowning, poisoning myself, cutting myself with a knife, or being eaten by animals. Do you think that I should continue living or kill myself after graduating from college with a 2.5? I feel like my life is over.

I'm slightly older, and live in NYC as well. I followed the more traditional timeline and graduated college at 21 along with most of my friends. The college you go to, and your gpa at graduating is only important for that first job. After that it's all about how hard you work, and your experience. One of the most successful ppl I know graduated college with sub 2.5. But through his own hands, he has been able to jump from one job to another and he is in a very respectable position right now. He also just finished his Masters and had one of the highest GPA's in his graduating year. That GPA also doesn't matter much.

What I'm saying to you, is that you're putting too much stock into something that can't be changed, has little bearing over you in the long term, and can most definitely be overcome. The worst part of this is that you're isolating yourself in your apartment and sulking over what can't be changed. Things can and will get better if you let yourself do it.

 

[MTrip]

Don't bump yourself off. Please. Anna, from your post it is obvious you are a bright young woman, Asperger's syndrome notwithstanding. Others here have pointed out that GPA really doesn't matter that much & posted a couple links for those plagued by suicidal thoughts; I urge you to heed their advice. It would be tragic for someone with such potential to snuff herself out so early! Whatever field you decide to go into once you leave school, realize that employers in general really don't care about your GPA particularly. What they are interested in is do you know what you claim to know, & can you do the tasks that they want done. That is all that any prospective employer really wants to know about you. Please get some help, talk to a counselor, do what it takes to get yourself grounded. You can PM me too, if you like. I've thought of suicide & past mistakes many times...I have a pretty good idea where you're at.

 

[ladyforsaken]

What the others have said above. Don't do it. Continue living, keep moving forward. Life isn't easy.. for anyone. We all have to work hard for things to work out in life, sometimes things don't work out and aren't meant to be, it doesn't mean that everything else ends with it. Life is precious.. come talk to us here on the forum or contact those suicide helplines, they can be very helpful. *hugs* Hope you will feel better soon, do take care and come back to post when you can so we know you're okay.

 

[Mike413]

Suicide is a one way ticket. Once you go through that door you can't come back.

I only had a 2.7 which I think was good but could have been better. I still have no job. Sorry I can't be of more help. However, things can only get better. All you have to do is put in the effort and try.

 

[lonelyfairy]

Please don't kill yourself. I have been there too, wanted to kill myself countless of times. World seems very dark place for you right now, but I'm 100% sure your life will change. You seem very intelligent and thoughtful person and I know others will agree with that. Please take care, okey! *hugs*

 

[Peaches]

I am a 27 year old Russian-American woman living in New York. I am currently a part-time student finishing my Bachelor's degree in Anthropology. I am graduating from college next semester. Unfortunately, my cumulative GPA is only a 2.5 because I screwed up my freshman and sophomore years of college. I have Asperger's syndrome and poor time management skills, which made it difficult for me to take a full course load each semester and get good grades in every course. I am interested in pursuing a career in biological anthropology, archaeology, environmental science, sustainability, public health, neuroscience, or animal behavior. I would like to kill myself because my horrible GPA would prevent me from getting a job. I am so tired of being in school forever that I'm not going to stay an extra semester to raise my GPA. I am depressed and I don't have any friends anymore. During the weekends, I used to enjoy going to art museums, world music concerts, bookstores, science lectures, and hiking trips. Now, I stay alone in my room crying all the time. I am constantly thinking about methods to commit suicide, such as jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge, drowning, poisoning myself, cutting myself with a knife, or being eaten by animals. Do you think that I should continue living or kill myself after graduating from college with a 2.5? I feel like my life is over.

Please don't think about suicide for some stupid grades, come to Europe, with a nice project you can go to the best universities regardless of that stupid GPA really
I know for you career is important, but you, your personality, your life, are infinitely more relevant than grades. It sounds like you have some kind of college-related depression, maybe someone told you or made you feel like your inherent worth depended from the grades you get (that happened to me), it does not.
Most of the important people in history sucked at school, grades will not prevent you from having a meaningful life or achieving what you want.
Also, maybe you spent too much time obsessing about studying and not going out, you say you have no friends anymore but you don't mention if that has to do with your college troubles.
I hope that you don't do anything rash...

 

[GearsOfWar93]

Read this (I am a 27 year old Russian-American woman living in New York. I am currently a part-time student finishing my Bachelor's degree in Anthropology. I am graduating from college next semester.) Did you just read what I just read? Do you not see how much you already accomplished. You should be very proud of yourself. 2.5 is not bad you can raise it up if you want. You have gone this long you maybe able to go a little bit further. Do you know how many people your age wish they were you most didnt even graduate high school. I cant understand your pain and I wont say suicide is not the answer but you have already accomplished so much why through it away now? With a 2.5 you would still be able to get a job I highly doubt theres hundreds of people graduating college with anthropology as there major. Science is hard most aim towards arts degrees. People would love to see a young new face coming into that line of work. I may not know you but I can tell already your a hard worker a Bachelors degree does not just fall into your lap it takes blood, sweat and tears. You already know life is hard no one said it was going to be a walk in the park. If everything came easy what would even be the point of working towards it or for it. No one would care to do anything because everything would fall into their lap. It takes a certain kind of person to work towards what you want. You wanted a Bachelors degree and you got one your stronger then most. Dont give up just yep you still have options when all hope is gone then make a choice. Until then be proud of yourself live long and live strong.

 

[jayme89]

Hey I can relate!!! I graduated not only with a low GPA but in a field i didn't even want to be in because i'm a people pleaser and felt pressured to do so! So all summer i haven't gotten a job in that field and i work less then 20 hours a week for almost minimum wage. I was depressed all summer i wanted to die. But what i decided to do is just take a moment, breathe, and think about what i CAN do with what i have. And for me that is to get my teaching certification instead of getting my masters and having to make rush decisions about what to do with my life. I can get my teaching cert quickly and cheaply and be making a full salary as a teacher within 7 months of the program. Once i'm a teacher i won't be struggling for money, i'll be living well and making money, and paying off my loans. Once i'm stable i can think of whatever else i want to do. Maybe later i'll want to go to school for something different and get my masters and if i decide that GREAT! I'll already have a job and money to pursue it. Maybe this is something you can do. You'd be a great science teacher! You can teach and maybe work on other ways to bring up the GPA or enter another field. Hope is not lost! I thought it was lost for me but then i started thinking rationally and thinking of how to make the best of my circumstances.

 

[Stewart]

Hi Annanyc,
Hope sharing your problems with us my making this thread sooth your stress. To treat depression talk with family and friends and share your tensions with them. Engage in daily physical activities and remember to laugh. Accept the things you cannot change, try not to worry and avoid stimulants.