I'm going to end it today. . .

[Knight]

Well it's 9:33AM here and I'm going to end my life today. It all started this morning when everyone but me was getting ready to go to church and my dad tried to get me up so he kicked me a couple of times, then when my mom was forcing my brother to get ready my brother took his anger and kicked me, so I hit him back in the head, then my mom hit be a bunch of times, then they left for a couple of minutes, then they come back and my mom said it's too late to go to church so my mom told us to go to our bedroom and we couldn't go anywhere else, and that we had to keep the lights off. I was in the living room floor laying down(because my back hurts from work) so she took my pillow and blanket and threw them into my room and then she dragged me by my ankles into my room. At the time I thought it was funny. My phone was in the other room and I wanted to get to it, but she kept blocking the way, then I finally shoved her out of the way, then she grabbed me by the shirt and shoved me into the room, after a while of trying to shove her out, I picked up a wired mouse and said if you don't let me through in 10 seconds I'm going to hit you with this, then she grabbed my 800$ harddrive camcorder and so I grabbed her arm and told her to let go, then she said she was going to break it if I didn't let go, so I let go and she wacked me with it, I told her to stop, then she threw it on the ground, and wacked me with it again, and she broke the screen off of it, and the harddrive is probably broken too since it can't take such huge shocks, so I was like **** it, I took a big dowl (stick) and threatened to hit her with it if she didn't give it back, she said go right ahead, hit me 3 times in the head that'll kill me, I'm ready to die. She's always saying stuff like that because she's dying (she has many many medical problems and her medicine isn't working) so I took her new couch covers and through them out the window, so she "payed" my brother 20$ to get them (she's not going to give him 20$ my brother's so gullible he's her blind robot servent) , so I changed my clothes and took my laptop (which I hid thank goodness) and before I left, she said make sure to look at the ground in your room, because I'm going to smash your computer screen (22inch - 160$). So now I'm at my apartment's business center bathroom posting this because the rest of it isn't open for another 2 hours nad 16 minutes (9:44AM), and my dad told me before he left to go to church that when I turn 18 I can't say here and I'll have to find someone to rent an apartemnt with because I can't afford it (I can't even afford sharing an apartment so I'll end up on the streets) so I'm sick and tired of all this **** happening, my parents charising my brother who's a jerk, a dehumanizer, a racist predujice *******, and they call me the bad child even though I'm not any of those things, so today I'm going to jump off of the 4 floor head first to kill myself I'm still not sure when but sometime today definately.

 

[Satchel421]

Knight please re-consider that decision. I'm very sorry about your parents giving you such a hard time, but I promise that you have alternatives. I'm not going to say, "Well, sit down with you parents and try to talk with them to work things out," because there's no way in hell that would work. If your parents think you are a bad child, then they simply aren't trying very hard to see you as a good one. It isn't your fault! I've been in a suicide prevention group forever and I feel like they do nothing, but I also feel like I have to do everything in my power to fight back my urges. If other people don't influence my decision about suicide, then I'm sure mine won't influence yours, but I won't just stand back and say nothing.

A few days ago, I work this awesome poem about fighting suicide. If you'd like me to, i'll post it up. The poem itself might make your change your mind where others can't.

 

[Steel]

Parents shouldn't kick their children or hit them with objects.. this is abuse. It's not normal, and most parents don't behave like this.

You do not deserve such treatment. Nobody does.

I would suggest telling your story to a teacher at school, one that you feel would listen to you. Personally, I don't believe anyone should be put in the position you are currently in.

 

[Knight]

I'm going to go try to live with my grandma for a while. Details as soon as my grandma responds to my email

 

[Zak]

WTF man. This is serious abuse. I can't stand anybody breaking my things to let our anger. I don't know the rules and everything there but can't you call 911? Can't they do anything about it? If you think there will not be any proof of they abusing you or if you fear that, when you call cops, they three will turn against you, making you the bad boy, then I suggest 'place a camera somewhere hidden and record all the abuse and next time call the cops and show them these." Don't forget to tell them the reason why you recorded it (for solid proof). I seriously can't stand people like that, threatening to destroy things when I won't listen. I still don't know if it will eb a good idea or how helpful will the cops be but at least you can show these things to somebody rather than explaining it, so they will have a better idea of how ****** up parenting is going on there.

 

[Knight]

I don't want to get the cops involved, and for everyone that was in chat when I said everything I got a reply -

Mike, I have to talk to your parents. You understand that I have to know what is happening. Okay?

I'll call this evening. That will give you time to think and talk to them.

Love you, Grandma


This is horrible, I know she won't understand.

 

[Estreen]

I'll go there and kick the living **** out of her (your mom) if you want. If your dad and/or brother isn't terribly strong, maybe them too.

They're ******* pathetic, to treat and abuse you like that. ******* savages are all they are.

You need to call DCF on their ass or something. That is ABUSE and you should not have to deal with that. =\

 

[Knight]

My brother is my mom's pon, when I went home to get some food, she was bossing him around and stuff.

 

[Zak]

It's clearly abuse. I mean scolding and spanking to a limit to make you behave is good considering it's for your own good. But this is serious ****. I would agree with Estreen. Beat the **** out of them.

 

[NeverMore]

Does sound like abuse to me, I think it would be best if you lived elsewhere for at least a while, I hope your grandmother does understand, it sounds like she is a nice person, good luck knight, I hope things get better soon

 

[ledchick]

Knight,
You need to call Child Protective Services....they have an anonymous hotline as well. If you lived closer to me I would come and get you. Please try and call one of the services available to you.
I am the mother of 3 teenagers and what your mother is doing to you is just so wrong. No matter how mad my kids make me sometimes I would not ever lift a hand to hurt them or use words to demean them. I wish I could help you, I dont have much, but if you find yourself near Missouri you have a place to stay with me!

 

[Knight]

no I don't want to get the police involved.

 

[flamingosox]

i dont like the sound of it at all and it can be annoying when you go to a person for help and they want to go back to the person whos hurting you to find out if it's ok to help... but i'm sure your grandmother has the best intentions. Dont put up with your mum's crap, no one deserves that, but dont let her cause you to give up, shes definitely not worth your life! x x

 

[evanescencefan91]

please don't hurt yourself knight

you should try to talk to your school therapist/or a teacher or someone about your home environment or something
i know you don't want to the cops involved but not only are you being physically harmed but that kind of stress is bad you're psyche and your body
just because your mom is sick or has lots of medical bills is no excuse to treat you like that

this is a hard situation but it's not going to get better unless you do something, you should talk to someone, maybe someone from your church and maybe they can find you a temporary other place to live

i hope things get better

please don't give up yet

*hugs*

 

[Knight]

I dropped out, there is a way to get there, by train, I've done it twice, all I have to do is get grandmas approval. But I dont know what to tell her, she might tell my parents.

 

[Estreen]

I hope it goes over well for you Knight. *hug*

 

[Zak]

Good luck dude

 

[DayvanCowboy]

Knight, everyone will be here (including myself) to ALWAYS hear you out and support you. I hope things get better and you have a chance to stay away from your family for some time. A good man like yourself does not deserve to be treated like the way you have.

Please take care and be careful. You will be in my thoughts.

 

[heretostay]

I feel for ya Knight. reading your post was like being back in my house when i was a kid. i actually tied a plastic bag over my head b/c i wanted to die, too.

if you can focus on getting a job and gaining some independence things will get better for you. at least that was what happened for me. my life went to hell until i was about 23 and then things turned around for me. i got a job doing something i loved, supported myself, and came to terms with my past. Unfortunately you dont get to choose your beginning, and it largely dictates your future.

 

[Knight]

well my grandma called yesterday like she said and when she called she only talked to me but since i was right in front of my parents, I didn't say anything but things like everythings okay and it's good, I need to email her again to get her permission to go over there to her house but I'm not sure what to say.