I'm Lonely, But Not In The Exact Sense(I'm Serious On This One Guys)

[LoneKiller]

Hi Everyone.

This thread hurts to make, but I just need to get it off my chest, or I could end up slipping back into a state of depression again. I go to chess every week, and I still play ball with friends, but because of where I live is a lONG distance from town, and have no way in. We are not hanging out nearly as much as we used to. I just know right now that eventually, I will end up not getting together with them at all.

I love going to chess on Sundays and class 4 times a week. Sadly though, so many of the members are wicked busy with school and work to play any casual chess through the week. I'm lonely, but not quite the exact definition of the word I believe.

I'm not lonely because there is nobody around to talk to. I'm lonely because they don't share the same interests as me. My brother does, but he works so much, it makes it difficult to hang out. I live in a trailer park where almost everybody smokes weed. I quit smoking it a long time ago, which makes it almost impossible for me to make friends without the constant lure of drugs. Call me a wimp if you will, but I am absolutely petrified of even smoking just one, for fear of relapsing after I worked so ******* hard to get where I'm at now.

It's situations like this that makes being a member here much more important.
You guys seem to have good hearts. Don't ever lose them because you will never get them back. I could certainly use some suggestions to help alleviate my pain.

God Bless
LK

 

[IgnoredOne]

I'm not lonely because there is nobody around to talk to. I'm lonely because they don't share the same interests as me. My brother does, but he works so much, it makes it difficult to hang out. I live in a trailer park where almost everybody smokes weed. I quit smoking it a long time ago, which makes it almost impossible for me to make friends without the constant lure of drugs. Call me a wimp if you will, but I am absolutely petrified of even smoking just one, for fear of relapsing after I worked so ******* hard to get where I'm at now.


God Bless
LK[/color]

I'm proud of you for holding strong. However, are there any options for you to move away to somewhere more conducive to your life?

 

[LoneKiller]

It's embarrassing to admit, but I've tried and failed. I'm currently unemployed, but I make money here and there, just not enough to make it on my own for any real length of time.

 

[IgnoredOne]

It's embarrassing to admit, but I've tried and failed. I'm currently unemployed, but I make money here and there, just not enough to make it on my own for any real length of time.

There are no failures so as long as you continue to try, and learn from every mistake. I'm sure there are many here who would be happy to advise you; essentially, your environment is toxic and ultimately unconducive ot your happiness, and as such, its best to find a way to remove yourself from that environment.

 

[LoneKiller]

I guess I should say in all fairness, that there are so many others out there suffering in ways that I could not imagine, thus dwarfing the magnitude of my current circumstances in life with respect to "problems".

I think that in today's society we tend to complain about many things that are truly important. Things that we take for granted. There's always someone complaining about our local hospital in numerous different ways.
Carpeted floors in areas they shouldn't be, the doctors taking forever to come see you.

Truth be told, we are blessed to have that hospital that we do. If we get hungry for steak or something, we just waltz down to the grocery store and buy it. We put our trash out on the curb every week and it gets taken away. Try and imagine not having that service provided to us.

The working people work their guts out and pay taxes that go to funding police power and to help support those who are physically/mentally disabled to the point where a job isn't in their future.

If anyone should be allowed to complain, it's the poor souls out there who have nothing. Not us.

 

[Chasm]

very nice perspective ^ Lone
its all in how u choose 2 look @ things

 

[SophiaGrace]

could you rent an apartment somewhere? You could ask my boyfriend Kamya (that's his username) on here for advice, i'd sure he'd have advice for you.

Good advice.

 

[LoneKiller]

could you rent an apartment somewhere? You could ask my boyfriend Kamya (that's his username) on here for advice, i'd sure he'd have advice for you.

Good advice.

Well, the last place I tried to live in, the rent was upped
by the owner of the house beyond my financial means. I'm not sure if he was legally allowed to increase the rent, but it was basically his basement set up
for a single occupant, so maybe it was special circumstances. i really don't know.

 

[In a lonely place]

I think I know exactly what you mean Lone. I can feel alone in a crowd of people, even if I know them. My experience of life isn't typical of most people I think, BUT it's getting better ( fingers crossed),it is hard to keep going though.
As for moving house/ location, I think that it would benefit me to do this also, as I live in an area where I'm in a minority. But I'm scared of moving somewhere worse than where I am now.

 

[kamya]

How are you paying your rent right now? Student loans? Or you are living with a family member or something?

I've become what you are afraid of. I don't talk to my friends anymore. They don't talk to me. And it's just a big hassle to even visit them if I want to. I also used to go to a chess club every week. (Monday nights) But I just kind of fell out of love with the game.

I used to sometimes play 20+ games a day online or with friends. I would go to the library and get books to learn openings and tactics. I would sit down and try them many times until I understood all of the lines. I would analyze my play after every game. If I had a really important game I would analyze it with computer software to see how I did. Now, if I sit down in front of a board its like a mental chore. It's literally painful for me to even think about the game. I usually don't have to think much about playing lower level players so its not as bad. But its still not enjoyable anymore. I used to be able to play 4 games a day at a decent level with 90 minute time controls. Now, I'm wiped out after 15 minutes.

 

[LoneKiller]

How are you paying your rent right now? Student loans? Or you are living with a family member or something?

I've become what you are afraid of. I don't talk to my friends anymore. They don't talk to me. And it's just a big hassle to even visit them if I want to. I also used to go to a chess club every week. (Monday nights) But I just kind of fell out of love with the game.

I used to sometimes play 20+ games a day online or with friends. I would go to the library and get books to learn openings and tactics. I would sit down and try them many times until I understood all of the lines. I would analyze my play after every game. If I had a really important game I would analyze it with computer software to see how I did. Now, if I sit down in front of a board its like a mental chore. It's literally painful for me to even think about the game. I usually don't have to think much about playing lower level players so its not as bad. But its still not enjoyable anymore. I used to be able to play 4 games a day at a decent level with 90 minute time controls. Now, I'm wiped out after 15 minutes.

Well I'm embarrassed all to hell here, but I'm living with my folks, but everyone tells me that if I place to live at home, stay there. I think I misled you on the part where I mention classes. By class I mean Tae Kwon Do. Sorry about that.

---

@ kamya.

Were you at any time a rated player in chess? I'm asking because of the language and terms that you are using. Just curious.

 

[kamya]

I was rated by USCF. Most of the tournaments I went to were state IHSA tournaments though where USCF wasn't used. The club I used to go to would play rated games sometimes but we had our own rating system within the club. I actually learned a lot at the club because I got to play people so much stronger than me and learn from them. I don't know my online rating anymore either. It's been so long.

All together I played one USCF tournament when I was maybe...14. And another when I was 17. When I was 17 our school team went to the USCF state tournament and we got first for our grade. Our top three boards, we were all sophomores at the time. I don't know what my USCF rating was. I want to say it was only around 1500-1600 because of how few USCF rated games I ever played.

Every year we had a state tournament that wasn't USCF and it was probably 20x bigger than the USCF ones. About 150 teams, 8 boards per team. All playing at once in a big basketball arena on 90 minute time controls. It was easily the most fun two days of the year for me. They do individual and team rankings. I played board one and the highest ranking I got for my board I think was only in the low 30s. Our highest team ranking ever during the IHSA tournament was like 12 but then we evened out at around 30-40. A few times some of our other boards were able to place for their board and it was always pretty nice to see.

[Edit- I stopped playing when I went off to college. The school club there was really weak and only had 1 or 2 really good players. It was all just casual play which is ok, but it gets boring with no rating/in house tournaments and stuff. Half the time we didn't even use a clock. Since then I've just kind of fallen out of it.]

 

[LoneKiller]

I was rated by USCF. Most of the tournaments I went to were state IHSA tournaments though where USCF wasn't used. The club I used to go to would play rated games sometimes but we had our own rating system within the club. I actually learned a lot at the club because I got to play people so much stronger than me and learn from them. I don't know my online rating anymore either. It's been so long.

All together I played one USCF tournament when I was maybe...14. And another when I was 17. When I was 17 our school team went to the USCF state tournament and we got first for our grade. Our top three boards, we were all sophomores at the time. I don't know what my USCF rating was. I want to say it was only around 1500-1600 because of how few USCF rated games I ever played.

Every year we had a state tournament that wasn't USCF and it was probably 20x bigger than the USCF ones. About 150 teams, 8 boards per team. All playing at once in a big basketball arena on 90 minute time controls. It was easily the most fun two days of the year for me. They do individual and team rankings. I played board one and the highest ranking I got for my board I think was only in the low 30s. Our highest team ranking ever during the IHSA tournament was like 12 but then we evened out at around 30-40. A few times some of our other boards were able to place for their board and it was always pretty nice to see.

[Edit- I stopped playing when I went off to college. The school club there was really weak and only had 1 or 2 really good players. It was all just casual play which is ok, but it gets boring with no rating/in house tournaments and stuff. Half the time we didn't even use a clock. Since then I've just kind of fallen out of it.]

I taught Gary Kasparov everything he knows.

 

[kamya]

Sure. He was winning tournaments before you and I were born. =P Do you have a USCF rating btw?

 

[LoneKiller]

Sure. He was winning tournaments before you and I were born. =P Do you have a USCF rating btw?

I would love to play him though. Even if it's just in a "Simul". lol
In Canada the "CFC" in Ottawa runs things. My 40/2 rating is around
14-1500. My "Blitz" rating is a little north of 1800. I have to re activate my CFC membership when I get the money.

 

[Ak5]

As of now, due to the economic crisis, moving out might not be the best option; in fact, many people are going "back home" as well.

Honestly, either you make friends near your area (who aren't users) or commute to where your current friends live.

Good luck.

 

[kamya]

Oh yes I would want to play him. What do you think about Magnus Carlsen?

 

[LoneKiller]

As of now, due to the economic crisis, moving out might not be the best option; in fact, many people are going "back home" as well.

Honestly, either you make friends near your area (who aren't users) or commute to where your current friends live.

Good luck.

Oh yes I would want to play him. What do you think about Magnus Carlsen?

He's a Gm. I have a tremendous amount of respect for Them. Their thought process is astounding. I wish that Judit Polgar was my girlfriend. I'd be an IM in less than 3 years. lol

 

[kamya]

Their whole family is full of GMs and IMs. I wish I grew up with ems. I wouldn't have to worry about getting a good job.

 

[Skorian]

Probably took alot of guts. Most here won't even put in gender or age.

Just say no to drugs. Do whatever it takes to remind yourself of that. If you are feeling stressed, try Taurine or something instead.