IM vs Face to face?

[ryk]

Yeah I know that talking face to face is always significantly more sincere than using an internet IM or anything like that... but it's also significantly more difficult.

My question is... under what circumstances would each be more appropriate? And how would I avoid over-reliance on the indirect (ie. through internet text) interactions?

Because it's frustrating talking to someone over the internet a couple of times and then seeing them face to face and there's just nothing that can be said... and I get the feeling that it doesn't leave too good of an impression.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Yeah I know that talking face to face is always significantly more sincere than using an internet IM or anything like that... but it's also significantly more difficult.

My question is... under what circumstances would each be more appropriate? And how would I avoid over-reliance on the indirect (ie. through internet text) interactions?

Because it's frustrating talking to someone over the internet a couple of times and then seeing them face to face and there's just nothing that can be said... and I get the feeling that it doesn't leave too good of an impression.

I find IM is good for everything except direct emotional statements from yourself.

For example, if someone is upset over something that happened in their life, it's quite possible to convey sympathy to them via IM.

However, if you're trying to ask someone out, or talking to them about your own relationship (whether friends or whatever) with them, face-to-face is the only medium that is really any good for that. IM comes across as too sterile and emotionless.

Avoiding over-reliance? Just think what you'd feel like if the person you're talking to said what you're going to say to you by IM. Would you feel happy with that, or not? That's a pretty good way to judge I find.

 

[Lost Soul]

Chatting in the on-line world sucks, becuase people often don't get what you mean and often misenterprete things. With email, there is no emotions, so you can't always tell what someone means.

Face to face, people can tell your mood and stuff and can pretty much get what you mean, unless you're someone like mean, who is socially awkward and someone is hard to read at times, for a normal person.

I used to think the the on-line world was better, but I realize that it is not.

 

[AJ91]

I'm actually in an online relationship with a girl from the US, So the majority of our conversations are via IM, it's not ideal but it's the best way for us to talk to each other. There's the obvious problems, "How do you know how she really feels." and that kind of thing but the reality for me is that it actually works well for now, of course I'd much prefer to be able to talk to her face to face but we know that's gonna happen next year, we just get on with it really, we do manage to convey our emotions and feelings pretty well and it does sometime feel like we're right there together in the moment.

We've arranged to meet up next year and already that's quite a nervous thought because we've talked online for the majority of this year but yeah we're both pretty nervous about meeting up and talking face to face but it's really a non-issue right now because we know that our only real chance of talking right now is via IM, so it's not a major problem for us. But of course face to face would be the preffered medium.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Actually for me it works in the opposite.
Face to face first...
I get to check her out from head to toes.
The sooner our body feels more comofrtible the better
Im old school...way back when before the internet when people actually meet face to face and go fron there.
Then its the all night phone calls.
Today its half and half between texting and actual verbal calls....

Chating on line might work better for some people becuase it gives you time to think before you repond...
However by not being presence..you cant actually miss inturprate a persons writting..
Face to face interaction you get the expresion and emotions...
easier to crack jokes or say something silly. The conversation dosnt have to be indepth or deep. I can ask her about her nails, or make a comment. A conversation will go from there.
Its more about getting each other to feel relax and comfortible with each other.

And of course the body contact thing.

Im a lead guitar player..I also improvise as a style of playing. Go with the flow .

---

Face to face also allows me to see how healthy a person is..Personal hygene..etc.
I dont obsess on keeping my hands or figer nails clean..but its one of those things Im awear of.
I shower twice per day and alway wear clean clothe...its a habit..

when trying to met a person on line...you can actually chat with someone thats never gotten out of bed.LOL
Your impression or perception of that person is from a couple of pics and a will written profile. Anyone can write a good profile. LoL

 

[AJ91]

Actually for me it works in the opposite.
Face to face first...
I get to check her out from head to toes.
The sooner our body feels more comofrtible the better
Im old school...way back when before the internet when people actually meet face to face and go fron there.
Then its the all night phone calls.
Today its half and half between texting and actual verbal calls....

Chating on line might work better for some people becuase it gives you time to think before you repond...
However by not being presence..you cant actually miss inturprate a persons writting..
Face to face interaction you get the expresion and emotions...
easier to crack jokes or say something silly. The conversation dosnt have to be indepth or deep. I can ask her about her nails, or make a comment. A conversation will go from there.
Its more about getting each other to feel relax and comfortible with each other.

And of course the body contact thing.

Im a lead guitar player..I also improvise as a style of playing. Go with the flow .

---

Face to face also allows me to see how healthy a person is..Personal hygene..etc.
I dont obsess on keeping my hands or figer nails clean..but its one of those things Im awear of.
I shower twice per day and alway wear clean clothe...its a habit..

when trying to met a person on line...you can actually chat with someone thats never gotten out of bed.LOL
Your impression or perception of that person is from a couple of pics and a will written profile. Anyone can write a good profile. LoL

---

I agree with the majority of this actually but not quite with that final part. From my own experience, It's got nothing to do with pictures or a well written profile, it was more about the growth of our friendship over about 5 months, talking constantly for many hours a day to the point where It became clear that we had feelings for each other, After 5 months of becoming friends, we finally told each other that we had feelings that went beyond friendship for each other and we both agreed that it was better not to act on it because of the distance between us, we decided that it would be better for us to not become too attached to each other and just remain friends but that didn't work out because we did become too attached and now, well we're dating, it's going really well and people can be as cynical as they want about it and in all honesty I'd have been cynical about dating online in the past, but it can and does work sometimes.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Wtf..youre doing the friendzone song and dance on line? Holy honeysuckle man...its totally working againts you.
Did you met her on a dating site or a pen pal site?

What was your intentions. Hope or plans when you first started talking to her..
You got way off track..

K...so now you have a friend.
How are you going to handle the next women you meet that you want to be in a relationship with?

In face to face it happens...
However its more in your face...if hers or my intentions are beyound being just friends. Its just so much easier to read or figure out when a woman is attracted to me face to face..
.
Obviously were gonna be friiendly when we fresia each others brains out or do romance.
.

---

A couple of years ago I hitted on a chick...after initial headbutting she and I got friendly. She was hawt.. So I hitted on her..
She didnt wasted my time or her time...cuase she truely cared for me...
She was flattered that I hitted on her.

However she also told me that I would be better off finding a woman closer to me and availible to me...

I thought what she said .Thats when I knock off the on line or long distance stuff...

 

[Lollipop286]

I think people are more confident over the internet. I mean...if the other person is being a jackass, you can just block, delete, etc. If it's someone in person...well....you can't really do that haha.

 

[ryk]

The reason I ask is because I know people in real life who I don't talk to normally unless it's through IM (although even then it's not always very extensive), and then when I do see them in real life I feel like there's either just nothing to be said, or I just can't bring myself to say anything. I just find it significantly harder for some reason.

Since a few people brought up relationships, I will say that there is one girl who I knew and was interested in (again I did know her in real life) but never really said anything more than through IM. Of course as anyone with half a brain would be able to figure out, the whole thing turned into a complete disaster... I still feel like a total fool because of that (although maybe that belongs more in the "Self-esteem" forum). The main problem with that was the same as with me and most people though. I simply could not get myself to say anything in person most of the time for some ridiculous reason that I just can't figure out.....

 

[AJ91]

Wtf..youre doing the friendzone song and dance on line? Holy honeysuckle man...its totally working againts you.
Did you met her on a dating site or a pen pal site?

What was your intentions. Hope or plans when you first started talking to her..
You got way off track..

K...so now you have a friend.
How are you going to handle the next women you meet that you want to be in a relationship with?

In face to face it happens...
However its more in your face...if hers or my intentions are beyound being just friends. Its just so much easier to read or figure out when a woman is attracted to me face to face..
.
Obviously were gonna be friiendly when we fresia each others brains out or do romance.
.

---

A couple of years ago I hitted on a chick...after initial headbutting she and I got friendly. She was hawt.. So I hitted on her..
She didnt wasted my time or her time...cuase she truely cared for me...
She was flattered that I hitted on her.

However she also told me that I would be better off finding a woman closer to me and availible to me...

I thought what she said .Thats when I knock off the on line or long distance stuff...

---

Haha you clearly read what I said wrong then or maybe your just like this who knows? But I'll try to make it clear, first of all we're dating, we are in a relationship with each other and a good one too ... you know with feelings and stuff (Ewww, right?) We're already planning a future (I know plans go oft awry ... yeah I read that book too) But we're in a good strong relationship and we're crazy about each other.
The friendship thing that I mentioned and you seemed to focus upon was basically that we started talking on a forum game which then led to PM conversations which then led to conversations about our own lives and our friendship built, we became close friends really quickly and about 5 months and evidently we both had stronger feelings for each other, I'd say we were falling for each other (but you don't seem like the kind of person to appreciate that sentiment) Anyway after about 5 months of being friends, she confessed the feelings that she had for me and I confessed the feelings I had for her, we initially decided not to act on it because of the distance, we decided to try not to become too attached to each other because we knew us being together was likely to be only a dream at best, however we both struggled to contain our feelings and be just friends, which is when I asked her out (to be my girlfriend) and we've been dating ever since. I'm heading over to the US in May 2012 for 2 and a half weeks, and we're planning our life beyond that too.