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Thinking that if I were to just drop dead it would be a relief in certain aspects. My life is completely miserable anyway. I would take up smoking and heavy drinking if I had enough money

To be honest I feel this, a lot of the time.

Only the slight hope that someday I might figure out what I need to do to get my life together and attract someone, keep me from sinking into total despair and just giving up on everything else and getting into booze and weed.
 

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