Is hard to get hard

[Unix]

Ahhhhhhhhh sometimes i think that life is such a unfair game. I have sexual desire and everything but even with pills i can't get that hard. Why me? I guess that this is the same question that menomated or disabled people asks themselves, but at least they can get a decent sexual life. 

Maybe is because i was born in a very radioactive zone ( not that far away from chernobyl ) that my body is so messed up. I can't think of anything else to come out of this situation. Really, i try to do things and be positive and confident, changing my habits, putting effort in my work and the few relationships that i got but almost nothing works for me. At my job i'm respected and trusted but in ends there. 

I stay social with people, i don't insult anybody, i make my positions firm and clear, i help people when they ask me for aid but still i'm completely alone. I have always helped my best friend in her life, letting her rant about her boyfriend (a thing i don't give  a **** about) that is quite a despicable person, helping her with depression and her family. Hell, i even found her a job.... And yesterday she said that i put her down when i talk with her about my problems, which is quite uncommon, it happens maybe 2-3 times per month since i usually tend to keep this stuff for myself. 

Damn, after 5 years of mutual trust one doesn't expect something like this. I always have been a positive person with others, encorauging them to handle their life and never saying things like you can't do it, or you aren't good enough. Many times i picked up a real fight when i saw one of my friends getting bullied at the club, and i ended up in hospital once. And still no gratitude from any source. I know, you need to live your life, don't expect things from people but damn, i never wanted money of physical stuff, just a hug would have been life changing.

I don't know anymore what to do. Tears are dropping now that i'm writting this, i'm realizing that nothing works for me. I have even stopped working out, i bought a guitar but i can't see a reason to play it, i signed myself to latino americano but i didn't liked it, i tryed to make friends by going outside, asking people for numbers and organizing things but i end always by myself. 

My birthday is approaching, and i have almost a month of holidays cause i worked so much that i have accumulated a lot of extra hours, and i decided to go for a vacation on a really appreciated national park. I invited a lot of people, of friends and girls, but damn, no one accepted. 

I will spend my birthday like i did with the last one, alone on the top of a mountain. It just descrives the situation perfectly. 

The only thing that i haven't tryed is to move from my parents. Well, still better than living with a mother that when you say to her that you was about to commit suicide replyes "Its your choice". 

Sorry for the rant guys, i just feel better after wrriting this

 

[kaetic]

I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. That was a really ****** thing for your friend to say to you. I hope you feel better, and know that you deserve better than how these ******** are treating you.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

I know firsthand that issue may not be physical, but may be emotional/mental. When I went through a terrible breakup with the mother of my child, I couldn't get it up for nearly a year. I was terrified that I was physically "broken." What I actually found out was that *** was intrinsically linked to emotional/spiritual connection for me with another person. The situation corrected itself once I got my mind and emotions in order.

 

[Gizmo231]

If someone did even a fraction of the things that you have for your friend (I don´t know if i would call her that after what she said to you) to me, I would always make time to at least listen to them because friendship (like all relationships) is about give and take.

After all, why should you listen and care about her problems if she does not give a **** about yours?

I hope you will find people who want to be your friends and actually spend time with you, just don´t give up. I believe in you.

 

[Joturbo]

Hi Unix

Have you ever thought of a house or flat share.Might give you a alternative direction in life and keep the costs down if your thinking of moving out.I know it probably won't end up like friends but might open up some new opportunities living with new people.I know here in England kids that go to university invariably do that and some like my brother never go back to their parents because there loving the independence so much.Also might improve your relationship with your mother.Of course if all goes pear shaped can always go back home so no harm done.

 

[Xpendable]

Can't hold all my boners.

 

[Unix]

I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. That was a really ****** thing for your friend to say to you. I hope you feel better, and know that you deserve better than how these ******** are treating you.

Yes, i feel better and i have decided to move out, despite being tight on money. At the end our relationship is a symbiontic one. I know very well that if she was "alright" with her life she would have stopped writing to me already. In the same fascion, if i would be a normal person she wouldn't get any attention from me because of how toxic she is. But i need someone to talk with, so for now i keep staying in contact with her ( today she cryed over about her boyfriend again... )

I know firsthand that issue may not be physical, but may be emotional/mental. When I went through a terrible breakup with the mother of my child, I couldn't get it up for nearly a year. I was terrified that I was physically "broken." What I actually found out was that *** was intrinsically linked to emotional/spiritual connection for me with another person. The situation corrected itself once I got my mind and emotions in order.

It have always been like this..i never noticed this before because i just ****** off so i wasn't paying attention to my "performances". I'm just rotten inside :|

If someone did even a fraction of the things that you have for your friend (I don´t know if i would call her that after what she said to you) to me, I would always make time to at least listen to them because friendship (like all relationships) is about give and take.

After all, why should you listen and care about her problems if she does not give a **** about yours?

I hope you will find people who want to be your friends and actually spend time with you, just don´t give up. I believe in you.

Because i have nobody else to talk with, this is the real problem. Thank you for the support through : But i don't think that i would find friends at this point. I need to accept this as i have accepted the fact that i won't find love 

Hi Unix

Have you ever thought of a house or flat share.Might give you a alternative direction in life and keep the costs down if your thinking of moving out.I know it probably won't end up like friends but might open up some new opportunities living with new people.I know here in England kids that go to university invariably do that and some like my brother never go back to their parents because there loving the independence so much.Also might improve your relationship with your mother.Of course if all goes pear shaped can always go back home so no harm done. 

Yes, i have thought about that but here where i live sharing a flati s so expensive that is almost better to go living in a very small flat outside the city. I was willing to go living alone from the age of 7, when my grandpa beaten me up with a tank of gas[font=Montserrat, Tahoma, Meiryo, arial, sans-serif] ( fortunately it was empty ) so i think that it will be a good move. Improve relationship with my mother? impossible[/font]

Can't hold all my boners.

 

[Joturbo]

I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. That was a really ****** thing for your friend to say to you. I hope you feel better, and know that you deserve better than how these ******** are treating you.

Yes, i feel better and i have decided to move out, despite being tight on money. At the end our relationship is a symbiontic one. I know very well that if she was "alright" with her life she would have stopped writing to me already. In the same fascion, if i would be a normal person she wouldn't get any attention from me because of how toxic she is. But i need someone to talk with, so for now i keep staying in contact with her ( today she cryed over about her boyfriend again... )

I know firsthand that issue may not be physical, but may be emotional/mental. When I went through a terrible breakup with the mother of my child, I couldn't get it up for nearly a year. I was terrified that I was physically "broken." What I actually found out was that *** was intrinsically linked to emotional/spiritual connection for me with another person. The situation corrected itself once I got my mind and emotions in order.

It have always been like this..i never noticed this before because i just ****** off so i wasn't paying attention to my "performances". I'm just rotten inside :|

If someone did even a fraction of the things that you have for your friend (I don´t know if i would call her that after what she said to you) to me, I would always make time to at least listen to them because friendship (like all relationships) is about give and take.

After all, why should you listen and care about her problems if she does not give a **** about yours?

I hope you will find people who want to be your friends and actually spend time with you, just don´t give up. I believe in you.

Because i have nobody else to talk with, this is the real problem. Thank you for the support through : But i don't think that i would find friends at this point. I need to accept this as i have accepted the fact that i won't find love 

Hi Unix

Have you ever thought of a house or flat share.Might give you a alternative direction in life and keep the costs down if your thinking of moving out.I know it probably won't end up like friends but might open up some new opportunities living with new people.I know here in England kids that go to university invariably do that and some like my brother never go back to their parents because there loving the independence so much.Also might improve your relationship with your mother.Of course if all goes pear shaped can always go back home so no harm done. 

Yes, i have thought about that but here where i live sharing a flati s so expensive that is almost better to go living in a very small flat outside the city. I was willing to go living alone from the age of 7, when my grandpa beaten me up with a tank of gas[font=Montserrat, Tahoma, Meiryo, arial, sans-serif] ( fortunately it was empty ) so i think that it will be a good move. Improve relationship with my mother? impossible

[/font]Hi Unix if you don't mind me saying I still think it would be good to share if possible even if outside the city.Living on your own has many advantages but  coming back to a lonely flat after work may increase the feeling of lonliness possibly even worse than living with your mother.Just hope it works whatever you do...good luck mate

Can't hold all my boners.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Your post is kind of confusing and there isn't all that much information. 
What exactly are you talking to this female friend about?
If it's about your not as hard as you want erection, that cod say a lot.  I know a lot of people who would be uncomfortable if a male friend talked about that to a female.

As for the trip that no one wants to go on, are you sure it's because they don't want to go with you instead of maybe they can't go for whatever reason?  How far is this state park? 

Friends take time to make, so you just have to keep trying.  

As for your living situation, I definitely think it's time for you to move out.  The real world (living on your own) is never easy, but you have to take the first step at some point.