just another loner here

[niki272]

Hi, I totally forgot to introduce myself! Silly me...
I'm 19yo, female, live in Europe, love animals (proud owner of 3 guinea pigs, a 35G fish tank and 10 geckos of different species), driving, swimming, painting, drawing, video games, programming, gardening, cooking, books, music, films... pretty much everything!
However, even with my various hobbies, I've never met anyone who'd look at me twice in the romantic way. I've been in love a few times (with both genders), but not loved back. It could be because of my rough childhood (youngest child of 4, basically had to learn everything myself) - now in my last year of high school I'm much more mature than my classmates (I do odd jobs I can come across in the city to buy food and other necessities, take care of myself, my pets and my dad - my parents are always fighting and my mother sometimes just leaves for a day or two without saying anything). I'm not above doing silly stuff with others like going out drinking for the whole night, though I'd rather sit by the window reading a good book. 
I was diagnosed with major depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder last year, but I'm seeing a psychiatrist for that, so it doesn't get in my way like it used to.
That's about it. Does anyone here own any unusual pet (or more?)? My sister used to have a pet cactus which turned into a pet rock once she moved and left the poor thing behind...

 

[trueth]

Welcome to ALL ☺

 

[NightHawkJohn]

Hello Welcome to the forum

 

[Kianda]

Welcome to the forum

 

[MisterLonely]

Hello niki and welcome to ALL,

I had a gekko when I was in my teens, didn't love the critter though, it kept biting me whenever I needed to clean his terrarium, once got a hold of the skin on my knuckle and wouldn't let go, he got scared to death probably by the cat that kept freaking him out, he was then partially eaten by his own foodsource...crickets, lifes funny like that ;P

Seems you have allot of interresting likes / hobbies, programming is awesome, ofcourse I have to say that since it's my job .

Hope you'll have a good time on ALL, I'll see you around!

 

[niki272]

Hello niki and welcome to ALL,

I had a gekko when I was in my teens, didn't love the critter though, it kept biting me whenever I needed to clean his terrarium, once got a hold of the skin on my knuckle and wouldn't let go, he got scared to death probably by the cat that kept freaking him out, he was then partially eaten by his own foodsource...crickets, lifes funny like that ;P

Seems you have allot of interresting likes / hobbies, programming is awesome, ofcourse I have to say that since it's my job .

Hope you'll have a good time on ALL, I'll see you around!

Wasn't that gecko bluish-gray with orange spots? If so, that was a tokay gecko (I call them the biting menace, guess why ). I only keep those tame enough to handle, especially crested geckos are very calm and easy going. Plus their scales are velvety soft...

Thanks for the warm welcome!

 

[MisterLonely]

Hello niki and welcome to ALL,

I had a gekko when I was in my teens, didn't love the critter though, it kept biting me whenever I needed to clean his terrarium, once got a hold of the skin on my knuckle and wouldn't let go, he got scared to death probably by the cat that kept freaking him out, he was then partially eaten by his own foodsource...crickets, lifes funny like that ;P

Seems you have allot of interresting likes / hobbies, programming is awesome, ofcourse I have to say that since it's my job .

Hope you'll have a good time on ALL, I'll see you around!

Wasn't that gecko bluish-gray with orange spots? If so, that was a tokay gecko (I call them the biting menace, guess why ). I only keep those tame enough to handle, especially crested geckos are very calm and easy going. Plus their scales are velvety soft...

Thanks for the warm welcome!

It was a striped gekko like the one below, only mine was a brighter green, or Ijust remember it that way

 

[Meaw]

Welcome! I hope this place'll fit you well^^

 

[niki272]

Hello niki and welcome to ALL,

I had a gekko when I was in my teens, didn't love the critter though, it kept biting me whenever I needed to clean his terrarium, once got a hold of the skin on my knuckle and wouldn't let go, he got scared to death probably by the cat that kept freaking him out, he was then partially eaten by his own foodsource...crickets, lifes funny like that ;P

Seems you have allot of interresting likes / hobbies, programming is awesome, ofcourse I have to say that since it's my job .

Hope you'll have a good time on ALL, I'll see you around!

Wasn't that gecko bluish-gray with orange spots? If so, that was a tokay gecko (I call them the biting menace, guess why ). I only keep those tame enough to handle, especially crested geckos are very calm and easy going. Plus their scales are velvety soft...

Thanks for the warm welcome!

It was a striped gekko like the one below, only mine was a brighter green, or Ijust remember it that way

Oh wow that's a gorgeous lizard. I've seen this species at the local zoo, they're sooooo pretty (they have a dark brown pair). Shame I can't really get any more reptiles, I think my parents would kick me out .

 

[MisterLonely]

Hello niki and welcome to ALL,

I had a gekko when I was in my teens, didn't love the critter though, it kept biting me whenever I needed to clean his terrarium, once got a hold of the skin on my knuckle and wouldn't let go, he got scared to death probably by the cat that kept freaking him out, he was then partially eaten by his own foodsource...crickets, lifes funny like that ;P

Seems you have allot of interresting likes / hobbies, programming is awesome, ofcourse I have to say that since it's my job .

Hope you'll have a good time on ALL, I'll see you around!

Wasn't that gecko bluish-gray with orange spots? If so, that was a tokay gecko (I call them the biting menace, guess why ). I only keep those tame enough to handle, especially crested geckos are very calm and easy going. Plus their scales are velvety soft...

Thanks for the warm welcome!

It was a striped gekko like the one below, only mine was a brighter green, or Ijust remember it that way

Oh wow that's a gorgeous lizard. I've seen this species at the local zoo, they're sooooo pretty (they have a dark brown pair). Shame I can't really get any more reptiles, I think my parents would kick me out .

Haha, are you sure the'll even notice with the number you have already , just shrug and go, I don't know what you're talking about, they've been there for years

 

[Somnambulist]

Hey young lady ! Welcome ! I loved your intro post ! I don't find many that compel me to respond.

That's quite a list of hobbies, lucky for you ! If you can't find this elusive thing called "L***", at least, you can keep yourself occupied for the rest of your life. Hobbies have been my salvation, too. I used to do programming for a living, until not too long ago.

I envy the fact that you have siblings. You might find them an annoyance, but from my shoes here, you're lookin quite lucky to me I like to say (or at least think) that siblings are "friends we get for free".

As for unrequited love, welcome to the club. I wish I could give you some advice ... if you ever need to know how to **** up in love, be sure to solicit my advice, of which there is an infinitude.

Maturity is often seen by kids (or immature adults) as being "uncool" or "boring". Don't let that ever get you down. It is a huge positive, and will come to your advantage later in life, if not already. I have the same disease ... Premature Maturity Disorder (PMD).

I was also diagnosed with the same 3 illnesses you mentioned ... MDD, GAD, and BPD. Please don't let those labels dictate your life or your identity. Use the labels in the context of treatment; they are dangerous outside of that context, because of overwhelmingly widespread ignorance. And whatever you do, please don't share those diagnoses with everyone in your life ... be very careful sharing such information. May I ask what meds (and doses) you're on ? You can PM me if you don't want to broadcast, and if you're comfortable sharing.

Years ago, I had a bright red male Betta fish I christened "Danny Boy". He was a good little guy ... always ate the food I put on his plate, so to speak ... he made me happy. I housed him in a 5 gallon (20 liter) tank, and gave him plenty of toys and hiding places. Unfortunately, he died after just 6 months in my care. I was devastated. He happened to die the morning after I broke up with someone ... it was ******* horrid. Six years later, it still affects me because I hate to think of myself as the cause of his death. I buried him beneath the sand on a beach nearby

Anyway, it's nice to have some background on you so I know who's talking when I see your posts

This is not Danny Boy. Just his doppelganger ...

 

[niki272]

Hey young lady ! Welcome ! I loved your intro post ! I don't find many that compel me to respond.

That's quite a list of hobbies, lucky for you ! If you can't find this elusive thing called "L***", at least, you can keep yourself occupied for the rest of your life. Hobbies have been my salvation, too. I used to do programming for a living, until not too long ago.

I envy the fact that you have siblings. You might find them an annoyance, but from my shoes here, you're lookin quite lucky to me I like to say (or at least think) that siblings are "friends we get for free".

As for unrequited love, welcome to the club. I wish I could give you some advice ... if you ever need to know how to **** up in love, be sure to solicit my advice, of which there is an infinitude.

Maturity is often seen by kids (or immature adults) as being "uncool" or "boring". Don't let that ever get you down. It is a huge positive, and will come to your advantage later in life, if not already. I have the same disease ... Premature Maturity Disorder (PMD).

I was also diagnosed with the same 3 illnesses you mentioned ... MDD, GAD, and BPD. Please don't let those labels dictate your life or your identity. Use the labels in the context of treatment; they are dangerous outside of that context, because of overwhelmingly widespread ignorance. And whatever you do, please don't share those diagnoses with everyone in your life ... be very careful sharing such information. May I ask what meds (and doses) you're on ? You can PM me if you don't want to broadcast, and if you're comfortable sharing.

Years ago, I had a bright red male Betta fish I christened "Danny Boy". He was a good little guy ... always ate the food I put on his plate, so to speak ... he made me happy. I housed him in a 5 gallon (20 liter) tank, and gave him plenty of toys and hiding places. Unfortunately, he died after just 6 months in my care. I was devastated. He happened to die the morning after I broke up with someone ... it was ******* horrid. Six years later, it still affects me because I hate to think of myself as the cause of his death. I buried him beneath the sand on a beach nearby

Anyway, it's nice to have some background on you so I know who's talking when I see your posts

This is not Danny Boy. Just his doppelganger ...

Aw, I'm sorry for Danny Boy, but please don't think you're the one responsible for his demise. Beta fish aren't well understood by non-hobbyists and people in pet stores often tell you "you can keep it in a fish bowl with some plastic plants, that's all they need". They're beautiful and smart, though some still don't realize even fish have personalities. It's possible he had some kind of illness or parasite you couldn't know about, or maybe was just old.

Thank you for the warm welcome and rest assured that I don't go "hey, look, I'm on meds! meds!" in real life (though my closest friends know), I just thought I should make it clear here in case anyone is in the same situation. I'm currently on 20mg Cipralex, used to have something extra for bad anxiety attacks, but don't remember the name...

As for the siblings... they're more like "enemies we get for free", lol. I'm the youngest and still got the least attention T_T. Sometimes I wish I had a younger sister or brother so I could bother them as my sister did to me. I'd throw crickets in their bag, mealworms in their snacks and chase them around with Sir Poop-a-lot. Although I can probably do that even to my older sis .

 

[Somnambulist]

Aw, I'm sorry for Danny Boy, but please don't think you're the one responsible for his demise. Beta fish aren't well understood by non-hobbyists and people in pet stores often tell you "you can keep it in a fish bowl with some plastic plants, that's all they need". They're beautiful and smart, though some still don't realize even fish have personalities. It's possible he had some kind of illness or parasite you couldn't know about, or maybe was just old.

Thank you for the warm welcome and rest assured that I don't go "hey, look, I'm on meds! meds!" in real life (though my closest friends know), I just thought I should make it clear here in case anyone is in the same situation. I'm currently on 20mg Cipralex, used to have something extra for bad anxiety attacks, but don't remember the name...

As for the siblings... they're more like "enemies we get for free", lol. I'm the youngest and still got the least attention T_T. Sometimes I wish I had a younger sister or brother so I could bother them as my sister did to me. I'd throw crickets in their bag, mealworms in their snacks and chase them around with Sir Poop-a-lot. Although I can probably do that even to my older sis .

Wow, your knowledge of animals is deep and impressive !

You mentioned 10 geckos. You know what you could do ? Film the next Jurassic Park using miniature filming techniques ! Your little guys could wreak havoc on Earth (your living room ?)

Who is Sir Poop-a-lot ?

Is Cipralex (aka Lexapro in the US) helping you ?

Which part of Europe are you from ? Just curious. I have an interest in foreign languages, and like to practice a few words with people.

About sharing information with others, I'm glad you mentioned it here. I do wish to elaborate, to clarify what I meant. I was speaking from my own horrid experience. I was very naive, in the past, and would open up about my diagnoses, to just about anyone who pretended to get close to me. I, of course, saw nothing extraordinarily embarrassing about mental illness ... no different from being diabetic, for instance. Little did I realize that, I was among the few on Earth who realized that. Most people, even my own parents, stigmatize and dramatize it way out of proportion.

Anyway, pretty much every single person I shared that info with, started disappearing from my life, gradually. Then, my stupidity started to erode, as I saw the obvious and recurring pattern.

Unless the person you tell has personally had experience with mental illness, or is a healthcare professional, or someone who really cares to understand what someone like us goes through (which is rare), and maybe even then, you can be certain that that person is never going to look at you the same way again. You automatically get put in a small and tucked away bucket in their mind, labeled with keywords such as "weird, don't respond to, blacklist, don't be seen in public with". You're immediately and unconditionally excluded from parties or other events. Then, we end up on a site called "A Lonely Life" or "PsychCentral" and wonder what we did wrong.

The biggest irony is that we're often exceptionally intelligent and/or creative artistic people who clearly differ from the average garden variety ignorant, and because of that, we get excluded right from childhood ... the result ? "Depression", "Anxiety" ... pills Who's the sick one ? It just depends on whom you ask Instead of 99% ignorance and 1% intelligence (i.e. us), what if intelligence were the norm and ignorance the outlier ? The majority gets to repress and oppress the minority.

I understand now, that, unless someone has been in your shoes, it can be very hard for them to understand your perspective ... they will just sound off what they see on TV or what they hear from the "in crowd". And, that is understandable and admittedly forgivable. It took a long time for me to get this. I wouldn't know what it feels like to be paralyzed from the neck down, for instance.

That's my experience, anyway   If your experience has been different, you're fortunate, I guess.

Sorry, I didn't mean to turn your intro thread into an arena for a debate about mental illness. I just couldn't help myself.

 

[niki272]

Wow, your knowledge of animals is deep and impressive !

You mentioned 10 geckos. You know what you could do ? Film the next Jurassic Park using miniature filming techniques ! Your little guys could wreak havoc on Earth (your living room ?)

Who is Sir Poop-a-lot ?

Is Cipralex (aka Lexapro in the US) helping you ?

Which part of Europe are you from ? Just curious. I have an interest in foreign languages, and like to practice a few words with people.

About sharing information with others, I'm glad you mentioned it here. I do wish to elaborate, to clarify what I meant. I was speaking from my own horrid experience. I was very naive, in the past, and would open up about my diagnoses, to just about anyone who pretended to get close to me. I, of course, saw nothing extraordinarily embarrassing about mental illness ... no different from being diabetic, for instance. Little did I realize that, I was among the few on Earth who realized that. Most people, even my own parents, stigmatize and dramatize it way out of proportion.

Anyway, pretty much every single person I shared that info with, started disappearing from my life, gradually. Then, my stupidity started to erode, as I saw the obvious and recurring pattern.

Unless the person you tell has personally had experience with mental illness, or is a healthcare professional, or someone who really cares to understand what someone like us goes through (which is rare), and maybe even then, you can be certain that that person is never going to look at you the same way again. You automatically get put in a small and tucked away bucket in their mind, labeled with keywords such as "weird, don't respond to, blacklist, don't be seen in public with". You're immediately and unconditionally excluded from parties or other events. Then, we end up on a site called "A Lonely Life" or "PsychCentral" and wonder what we did wrong.

The biggest irony is that we're often exceptionally intelligent and/or creative artistic people who clearly differ from the average garden variety ignorant, and because of that, we get excluded right from childhood ... the result ? "Depression", "Anxiety" ... pills Who's the sick one ? It just depends on whom you ask Instead of 99% ignorance and 1% intelligence (i.e. us), what if intelligence were the norm and ignorance the outlier ? The majority gets to repress and oppress the minority.

I understand now, that, unless someone has been in your shoes, it can be very hard for them to understand your perspective ... they will just sound off what they see on TV or what they hear from the "in crowd". And, that is understandable and admittedly forgivable. It took a long time for me to get this. I wouldn't know what it feels like to be paralyzed from the neck down, for instance.

That's my experience, anyway   If your experience has been different, you're fortunate, I guess.

Sorry, I didn't mean to turn your intro thread into an arena for a debate about mental illness. I just couldn't help myself.

Well the number of geckos has changed to 16, so I suppose I could film the next Jurassic Park. lol! I swear it started with one leopard gecko I wanted as a pet and then the rest just kinda... happened... Sir Poop-a-lot is the second gecko I bought and he (you guessed it) poops a lot. On people. It's like he's saving it for the time someone wants to handle him. I've trained him not to poop on me (by splashing his butt with cold water right after the deed), but he continues to do it to everyone else.

The first couple of months on Cipralex I felt like I was high - smiling 24/7, care-free, it was like I grew a thick hide nothing could get through. I also got lost quite a few times, turning up in weird places instead of school or home, which was really weird.
It's all good now. I still get carried away by some thoughts, though it's not as trippy as it used to be. However some darker moods are inevitable, unfortunately.

I'm from the Czech Republic, Pilsen (the "city of beer") to be more specific. It's a tiny country (it takes me about 90 minutes to get to the capital by a train) with lots of sights, as well as unsightly buildings left behind by the era of communism (prefabs... I can't even begin to stress how many of these we have - I live in one too; sure, they offer lots of apartments on a relatively small space) and underground shelters from the time of WWII. Czech is considered a difficult language to learn (too many rules + let's not forget the terrible letters like ř <- I dare anyone to say that correctly!) and in the past, there had been many attempts to eradicate it and make the whole country speak German. No such luck though. Try to put the word "řeřicha" into Google Translator and cry. I'm serious.

 

[Somnambulist]

Well the number of geckos has changed to 16, so I suppose I could film the next Jurassic Park. lol! I swear it started with one leopard gecko I wanted as a pet and then the rest just kinda... happened... Sir Poop-a-lot is the second gecko I bought and he (you guessed it) poops a lot. On people. It's like he's saving it for the time someone wants to handle him. I've trained him not to poop on me (by splashing his butt with cold water right after the deed), but he continues to do it to everyone else.

The first couple of months on Cipralex I felt like I was high - smiling 24/7, care-free, it was like I grew a thick hide nothing could get through. I also got lost quite a few times, turning up in weird places instead of school or home, which was really weird.
It's all good now. I still get carried away by some thoughts, though it's not as trippy as it used to be. However some darker moods are inevitable, unfortunately.

I'm from the Czech Republic, Pilsen (the "city of beer") to be more specific. It's a tiny country (it takes me about 90 minutes to get to the capital by a train) with lots of sights, as well as unsightly buildings left behind by the era of communism (prefabs... I can't even begin to stress how many of these we have - I live in one too; sure, they offer lots of apartments on a relatively small space) and underground shelters from the time of WWII. Czech is considered a difficult language to learn (too many rules + let's not forget the terrible letters like ř <- I dare anyone to say that correctly!) and in the past, there had been many attempts to eradicate it and make the whole country speak German. No such luck though. Try to put the word "řeřicha" into Google Translator and cry. I'm serious.

LOL ! Long live Sir Poop-a-lot

Thanks for sharing about where you're from ! That is very cool to know ! It's fascinating to know that people from all over the world are just a few clicks away. I love the German language (and some others), but must admit I know no Czech !

Your English is flawless, by the way ! How a person writes is something I immediately and always notice.

 

[MisterLonely]

My fathers wife is from the Czech Republic well from Czechoslovakia to be exact, I'm definitly going to Prague one day, it's one of the most beautifull cities in europe and probably the world, I saw some holiday pictures from my father about a year ago and it's all realy nice! Here in the Netherlands light beers are also still called pils, so the name stuck

 

[niki272]

My fathers wife is from the Czech Republic well from Czechoslovakia to be exact, I'm definitly going to Prague one day, it's one of the most beautifull cities in europe and probably the world, I saw some holiday pictures from my father about a year ago and it's all realy nice! Here in the Netherlands light beers are also still called pils, so the name stuck

That's cool, the one time I spent summer holiday in Croatia, a saleswoman at the market asked me where I'm from. When I told her I'm from Pilsen, she went "Pilsen! Beer! Pilsen beer!" .

Prague is amazing, if you plan to visit, definitely book a hotel and walk over the Charles Bridge in the evening. The view is breath-taking and you won't regret it.

 

[niki272]

LOL ! Long live Sir Poop-a-lot

Thanks for sharing about where you're from ! That is very cool to know ! It's fascinating to know that people from all over the world are just a few clicks away. I love the German language (and some others), but must admit I know no Czech !

Your English is flawless, by the way ! How a person writes is something I immediately and always notice.

Thank you, I try . Most schools don't really have good language teachers, so I mostly rely on movies, songs and youtube videos. Sad.
Now I just wish my German was at least half as good as my English .

It is indeed interesting how many people from different countries you can find here. Isn't the internet a great place? Especially for rich African people looking to share a part of their fortune with other people... lol!

 

[lonelyfairy]

Hello Niki, welcome! Your pets sound adorable.