Like the death of a loved one

[dudeman897]

Recently I've noticed that I have very strong feelings for my most recent ex still, however, I am realizing now that it is the girl I fell in love with, and not the woman I see now. I know this is likely a very common story, but what I want to know is if there are any beneficial ways to move beyond this. If I can't, I would definitely settle for a way to work with it, but I can't stand this feeling of missing her; the one that no longer exists. What am I to do?

 

[The Good Citizen]

They probably haven't changed its just your perspective on them has. They are probably just as capable of kindness now as they were of selfishness back then but when you meet and fall in love you see one side and when you break and fall apart you see another.

Not much use to you maybe but its just a different way to view it.

 

[JasonM]

Recently I've noticed that I have very strong feelings for my most recent ex still, however, I am realizing now that it is the girl I fell in love with, and not the woman I see now. I know this is likely a very common story, but what I want to know is if there are any beneficial ways to move beyond this. If I can't, I would definitely settle for a way to work with it, but I can't stand this feeling of missing her; the one that no longer exists. What am I to do?

People change; it's unavoidable for you and for them. It seems that you are hanging onto the past and not the anticipation of the future. It's gone. You can only step in the same stream once; you may have found the same foot placing, but the water itself has changed.

Strangely when you are with someone and it isn't great you seem to focus on the negative but it also seems to me that when you are not with them and don't have something to take up the time you pine over the positive times. Find something to fill your time.

 

[dudeman897]

Thanks, I will try to find things I like doing on my own time, and hope it will work out better than the last time I tried.