Loneliness is a state of deprivation

[SophiaGrace]

My psychology textbook says you can't have a real relationship with others unless you shrug off this state of deprivation and are equally okay with independence and relationship simulataneously. Otherwise you will form a symbiotic/parasitic relationship with others.

 

[ardour]

I prefer not to think of feelings of loneliness as the result of a personality defect, as if we are supposed to aspire to being totally self-contained. That level of detachment would seem to remove the point of relationships in the first place.

 

[Veruca]

I agree with rdor.

Also, for that kind of emotional independence to work in a relationship, the other party must also be at the same emotional state. Reality though is that most people fall somewhere in between. Some want to be needed, some need, etc. At least that's my 2 cents.

Sophia, may I trouble you to ask, out of curiosity, how does the textbook define a real relationship? What else should it entail? Thanks

 

[DesertWolf]

Indeed, what is the definition of "real relationship" in that book... and what is the textbook called? Obviously a "parasitic" relationship would be unhealthy, but what's wrong with a "symbiotic" one? Having said that, I do feel much more level-headed about relationships now that I've learned to appreciate being independent.

 

[ardour]

It's referring to codepedency maybe.

Same question; what kind of relationship is considered "healthy" by the author's standards?

Don't people lose "emotional independence" as soon as they become fond of another and desire their company?

 

[BrokenInside]

Don't people lose "emotional independence" as soon as they become fond of another and desire their company?

Exactly!

 

[Misanthrope23]

My psychology textbook says you can't have a real relationship with others unless you shrug off this state of deprivation and are equally okay with independence and relationship simulataneously. Otherwise you will form a symbiotic/parasitic relationship with others.

hey just because i'm lonely doesn't make me a parasite :/ a parasite is a Metroid and they reproduce asexually xD they don't suck out blood but feed on pure life source :X

 

[SophiaGrace]

No. They are both independant and also enjoy the relationship.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

It does sort of make sense. If you aren't happy, you can't make someone else happy, either.

 

[perfanoff]

Here we go again.

Let the world know that I'm not looking for a roommate, I'm looking for a soulmate. I'm willing to give all of my mind, body, soul, ambitions and inspirations, and I demand no less than that.

 

[quintus]

I could not have said the above with better words. sic

 

[Tiina63]

I prefer not to think of feelings of loneliness as the result of a personality defect, as if we are supposed to aspire to being totally self-contained. That level of detachment would seem to remove the point of relationships in the first place.

I agree with this 100%.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I think loneliness is a human condition, it's just, that, when one comes from that state of deprivation, it tends to come off as what people might call desperate and it unbalances what most people would consider to be a balanced/"normal" relationship.

I think that's what I got from the existential therapy chapter in my textbook and what it was saying. I might have to look at it again though but not now because I don't have time.

 

[ardour]

No. They are both independant and also enjoy the relationship.

If you're equally satisfied alone then why bother?

Accept this and you would have to, for example, believe that people who have been married for years should be just as happy without one another, which is ridiculous.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I don't believe that's what she is saying.

To be independent and happy alone doesn't mean you won't miss someone if they're gone. I, for example, love my mom. I live with her now, but I at one time lived alone...and I was fine with that.

I know it's a different kind of love, but it's still the same. If you have a relationship or tie to someone, you can be happy without them. You'll miss them, sure, but that doesn't mean you can't still love life.

If you don't love life already, however, it is hard to love another, because you are in a constant struggle to love yourself.