Lonely and Depressed

[catawampus]

I've read quite a few posts here and sadly it seems that loneliness is rampant. Many talk about never having had a relationship. My own situation is a bit different. So a brief history...

I met my future wife on Match.com when I was 34. Until then I had spent the majority of my time alone. Few friends, few relationships. I was lonely and unhappy, suffering from mild social anxiety, debilitating shyness and low self esteem (and taking Prozac for bi-polar disorder). So in my mind it was a miracle that we even met. I thought I had found the one person I was supposed to be with. I was the luckiest person in the world.

I'm now 44. Our marriage started declining a few years ago. I hadn't been happy in some time, the stress of work contributing I'm sure. By no means did this mean I didn't still love her. But life has a tendency of getting in the way and you begin to take things for granted. Like she would always be there for me. Well, six months ago she had an affair and left me. I wanted to work on us, fix us. She merely wanted out. She was the love of my life and now I'm alone again.

My loneliness these days is almost unbearable. Nighttime is the worst. When there are no longer distractions to keep my mind occupied other than the crap on television. I suffer anxiety when I turn off the lights and try to sleep. Lately no matter how exhausted I am I can't sleep and stay awake until the sun comes up.

To make matters worse in the past 4 months I've developed asthma and chronic bronchitis (as a result of a lifetime of allergies). The asthma has gotten so bad that even with my inhalers just taking the garbage out causes me to become short of breath. I don't smoke and have always been physically active so this is a real tough one to swallow. All in all it's been a bad year. It's almost laughable.

When I take stock of where I am in my life and what I have to look forward to my depression and occasional panic attacks threaten to totally incapacitate me. I even walked out of my therapy session the other day half way through because I couldn't stop crying. I'm middle-aged, divorced, asthmatic, and bi-polar. The idea of being alone for the rest of my life scares the hell out of me. I'm basically starting over at 44. I have zero self-confidence, too shy to meet anyone (total one-in-a-million that I actually met my wife), my social anxiety is at an all-time high. I have no enthusiasm for life. I just wish it was all over and done with. I'm ready for this life to be over. Truly ready.

Anyway, that's my spiel. Not the happiest story but then probably not the saddest either. Just what it is. My story.

Thanks for reading. I hope to meet some nice people on this forum. Maybe I can even help on those days when I'm actually feeling sort of positive about things.

 

[emate]

I've read quite a few posts here and sadly it seems that loneliness is rampant. Many talk about never having had a relationship. My own situation is a bit different. So a brief history...

I met my future wife on Match.com when I was 34. Until then I had spent the majority of my time alone. Few friends, few relationships. I was lonely and unhappy, suffering from mild social anxiety, debilitating shyness and low self esteem (and taking Prozac for bi-polar disorder). So in my mind it was a miracle that we even met. I thought I had found the one person I was supposed to be with. I was the luckiest person in the world.

I'm now 44. Our marriage started declining a few years ago. I hadn't been happy in some time, the stress of work contributing I'm sure. By no means did this mean I didn't still love her. But life has a tendency of getting in the way and you begin to take things for granted. Like she would always be there for me. Well, six months ago she had an affair and left me. I wanted to work on us, fix us. She merely wanted out. She was the love of my life and now I'm alone again.

My loneliness these days is almost unbearable. Nighttime is the worst. When there are no longer distractions to keep my mind occupied other than the crap on television. I suffer anxiety when I turn off the lights and try to sleep. Lately no matter how exhausted I am I can't sleep and stay awake until the sun comes up.

To make matters worse in the past 4 months I've developed asthma and chronic bronchitis (as a result of a lifetime of allergies). The asthma has gotten so bad that even with my inhalers just taking the garbage out causes me to become short of breath. I don't smoke and have always been physically active so this is a real tough one to swallow. All in all it's been a bad year. It's almost laughable.

When I take stock of where I am in my life and what I have to look forward to my depression and occasional panic attacks threaten to totally incapacitate me. I even walked out of my therapy session the other day half way through because I couldn't stop crying. I'm middle-aged, divorced, asthmatic, and bi-polar. The idea of being alone for the rest of my life scares the hell out of me. I'm basically starting over at 44. I have zero self-confidence, too shy to meet anyone (total one-in-a-million that I actually met my wife), my social anxiety is at an all-time high. I have no enthusiasm for life. I just wish it was all over and done with. I'm ready for this life to be over. Truly ready.

Anyway, that's my spiel. Not the happiest story but then probably not the saddest either. Just what it is. My story.

Thanks for reading. I hope to meet some nice people on this forum. Maybe I can even help on those days when I'm actually feeling sort of positive about things.

Asthma can be well controlled nowadays so it will not be an issue for you but it takes time...
You found a woman! Why not try again, if you don’t try you will never have that opportunity, don’t give up. It hurts when somebody you love goes away but it happens thousands of times every day around the globe. Try again! You are still young and believe me there’s plenty of fish in the sea that would accept you. Your way of writing proves that you are worth getting another chance. Go for it. no enthusiasm? Try to find mates that would share the same interests.
Someone I loved and would do anything for her stopped answering one day, no apparent reason, it took me a year to put together, but now it is not so bed.
Anyway, best wishes and ...you will make it just give it some time and ..try !!

 

[Bones]

Welcome to the forum!

I have always been a shy person when it comes to members of the opposite sex and can relate to trying different online and other related dating services even though it never panned out for me.

I have experience the feeling of thinking that i have found "the one" to only have it blow up in my face too. At the age of 43, I also understand the responsibilities of work & other related activities can interfere in life and increase the feelings of loneliness.

Since I went through a divorce back in 1997, I can understand how; even at the six month marker, it still be hard to sleep. It happened to me as well. It was like entering into a time dilation field and one day seemed equivalent to a month and the feeling of never getting over the hurtful feelings from a divorce. What you are going through is normal and seeing a therapist is a great idea. Please continue to do so if you can afford it and have health insurance.

If you do not have health insurance or finances are running low, sometimes you can find a non profit organization or a church that provides assistance on a sliding fee scale. I really believe you continuing therapy will help you. And believe it or not, while it might seem the therapist is not helping, you will notice the benefit later on in life as things start to settle down.

Finding ways, as you already know, of getting involved in the community is important during this time. You could join a softball team, volunteer, help others in this forum with your life experiences, etc. The key is to be proactive at a time when you want to be reactive.

One possible way of meeting others for friends and possibly finding someone else again is through volunteering or joining a club such as a bicycling club. Do you have a particular skill set you can use to help out? During these tough emotional times, most people want to turn inward instead of outward - I hope you can find a way to turn outward, meet new friends, and help others. Giving to others in an appropriate way is a way to help heal yourself.

 

[catawampus]

Thanks for your great replies. I spent the day away from my computer distracting myself with household chores and a walk to the neighborhood park where I journaled a bit and fed squirrels. Your advice is right on point. It's just difficult at times looking past the emotional burden of loss and despair dragging me down. Time does heal all wounds I suppose. It's just that interim period that's threatening to unravel me.

When I'm thinking rationally I do feel I have things to offer someone but rationality plays very little part in my life these days. I live dangling on the end of a very frayed emotional string. I think very little of myself, something I've always struggled with.

I'm sorry you both had to suffer such losses yourselves. I've heard it said that the end of a relationship in many ways is like suffering a death. It's loss plain and simple. The loss of a dream. The dream of a life together.

Thanks again for your kind and thoughtful words. I wish you both happier days ahead as well.

 

[Poguesy]

G'day

 

[lyla]

I've read quite a few posts here and sadly it seems that loneliness is rampant. Many talk about never having had a relationship. My own situation is a bit different. So a brief history...

I met my future wife on Match.com when I was 34. Until then I had spent the majority of my time alone. Few friends, few relationships. I was lonely and unhappy, suffering from mild social anxiety, debilitating shyness and low self esteem (and taking Prozac for bi-polar disorder). So in my mind it was a miracle that we even met. I thought I had found the one person I was supposed to be with. I was the luckiest person in the world.

I'm now 44. Our marriage started declining a few years ago. I hadn't been happy in some time, the stress of work contributing I'm sure. By no means did this mean I didn't still love her. But life has a tendency of getting in the way and you begin to take things for granted. Like she would always be there for me. Well, six months ago she had an affair and left me. I wanted to work on us, fix us. She merely wanted out. She was the love of my life and now I'm alone again.

My loneliness these days is almost unbearable. Nighttime is the worst. When there are no longer distractions to keep my mind occupied other than the crap on television. I suffer anxiety when I turn off the lights and try to sleep. Lately no matter how exhausted I am I can't sleep and stay awake until the sun comes up.

To make matters worse in the past 4 months I've developed asthma and chronic bronchitis (as a result of a lifetime of allergies). The asthma has gotten so bad that even with my inhalers just taking the garbage out causes me to become short of breath. I don't smoke and have always been physically active so this is a real tough one to swallow. All in all it's been a bad year. It's almost laughable.

When I take stock of where I am in my life and what I have to look forward to my depression and occasional panic attacks threaten to totally incapacitate me. I even walked out of my therapy session the other day half way through because I couldn't stop crying. I'm middle-aged, divorced, asthmatic, and bi-polar. The idea of being alone for the rest of my life scares the hell out of me. I'm basically starting over at 44. I have zero self-confidence, too shy to meet anyone (total one-in-a-million that I actually met my wife), my social anxiety is at an all-time high. I have no enthusiasm for life. I just wish it was all over and done with. I'm ready for this life to be over. Truly ready.

Anyway, that's my spiel. Not the happiest story but then probably not the saddest either. Just what it is. My story.

Thanks for reading. I hope to meet some nice people on this forum. Maybe I can even help on those days when I'm actually feeling sort of positive about things.

 

[Drama]

welcome