Lonely due to being shy, or not finding anyone you like?

[lonelydoc]

I'm lonely because people don't keep in touch with me, they ignore me. Have I ignored people? Sure but not my closest friends, I've always thought I did my part in being a friend.

To give you some concrete examples:
-probably my best friend from college broke off contact many years ago after I moved just 2 hours away, I tried to get in touch but to no avail
-my second best friend from college, lives far but he's someone who I feel I can contact any time; recently e-mailed him, he sent a half-hearted response a month later
-one of my best friends from high school who lives close by, tried to get in touch and he ignored

Do you see what I mean? What can I do, I don't pretend to understand people. I reach out to people and they don't care. And look, I know my friends, I'm pretty sure they are not hanging out regularly with tons of people. And yet I don't make the list.

 

[lifestream]

Hey Keane.

I think the key to making friends is just being receptive to people who are very different from you. For example, I have a dear, dear friend who has supported me through some tough times recently. When I first met her about a year ago, my initial reaction upon meeting her was, "I can't be friends with this person", but I kept an open mind and now I consider her a very close friend. This is a rare instance of making a friend for me, though. I find that most other people I meet are only interested in making friends with those who are most like themselves. It doesn't seem to matter how kind you are, how decent or funny or charming. Like generally chooses like. I should also note that I live in my home country, but I often feel like a foreigner here.

 

[Alma lost her spoon]

I'm lonely because I can't be with the one person I'm in love with.

I'm not shy, I'm outgoing & I have a great circle of friends but I cry myself to sleep at night because I miss the contact with the one person in the world that understands me completely.

 

[lonelyfairy]

I am lonely because of me.

 

[edgecrusher]

I think it's a bit of both for me. I am introverted and don't really care to have lots of friends. I more or less just want that one awesome and intimate connection. I think that, combined with what my "type" is makes connections very rare for me. And when it comes to the romance department, adding that I don't ever want kids to it makes it even that much rarer for me to find anyone.

 

[johnny196775]

i have always prefered the company of myself to most everybody i have meet.

 

[Darrell_Licht]

I went through a lot of trauma and neglect in my childhood. It was hard for me to relate to the 'happy kids' who had toys to play with and had a mom and dad who did not raise their voice or seem always despondent in some way.

Literally one person I knew came from a situation like mine. It was a more complicated situation than what I had going on. I guess it was the mindset and they way we dealt with situations, it was just the right fit. We had a close relationship through the remainder years of grade school. We don't currently keep in touch however.

Imho, I think it would be less complicated if you just learn to accept others for what they are and try not to relate yourself in every aspect to them. That can blow up in your face in the best of circumstances.
I also remind myself 'it's not all about you' and usually that is the case. There is a bit more going on out there besides the fact you feel so alienated.