Hi everyone,
I'm new to the forum and this is my first post. I'm wondering if any of you experience loneliness while being in a relationship, or even married? I've been with my husband for 11 years (married for 2 years), and after all these years I find myself completely lonely in my relationship with my husband and isolated from the rest of the society. Before I met him, I had friends and was active in the community, but he was very vigilant, demanding, and jealous and to keep peace with him I gradually abandoned all my friendships. Now, I have no a single friend and feel mostly depressed and resentful toward my husband. I used to think that his jealousy stemmed from his great love for me, and only now I start to realize that it was his way to control me. He has a history of mental illness (bipolar disorder), but he denies the need of working on his issues with a therapist and sometimes refuses to take his medications. It isn't my first marriage and I would rather not go through a divorce, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed and even desperate. We are doing a couple's therapy, but after a year of it he still denies being controlling. I'm trying to break the pattern of him controlling me but find my own will power shattered into pieces. Since I don't really want to go through a divorce, I'd like to rebuild myself - my independence, freedom, and social connections while being married. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Do you think, it is possible to pick yourself up and rebuild piece by piece to return to your old self, or maybe, to a stronger person? Is it possible to find true friends while being in a such a depressing marriage? Or there is only one way - to divorce? I'd appreciate your input. I am 59 and he is 64.
