Lonely is Good

[August Campbell]

Apparently loneliness can be good because there are Buddhist monks who purposely go into Solitude in the forest in order to meditate. The point is that being alone helps one to meditate.  Maybe those of us here who suffer from loneliness can use it to our advantage by using it for meditation.  Maybe the Universe has designated loners to become adepts at meditation.  So loneliness can be a blessing. What do you loners think of that??

 

[TheRealCallie]

I think you already made this thread.

 

[Finished]

Everything is a matter of how to take it in. For the most part, you can't control what happens around you. But you can control how you perceive the events. There are advantages to being alone. These days many couples are fighting and having all kinds of problems being cooped up together. If you focus more on the advantages and dwell less on being lonely things just might seem not as bad. However I believe a lot of people on here are seeking sympathy and comfort for their loneliness not ways to shed it.

 

[August Campbell]

Yes I agree with your statement that many married couples fight.  It's especially so during this Corona stay-at-home mandate which causes domestic friction, a rise in domestic violence.  So it's ironic that the Lonely feel Envy for couples.

 

[MissBehave]

For someone who are lonely and don't have the natural attraction to being that, then it's pretty hard for them to perceive it differently. Someone with cancer can still say that he's lucky since he doesn't have aids but yeah. It's a dodged bullet for sure but it doesn't help the main issue at all. The cancer is still there eating up his insides. 
Being grateful for what you do have is important but tying that to dealing with something that's a big big issue doesn't always work.
Especially when the issue is loneliness.

 

[nebraskagirl60]

Everything is a matter of how to take it in. For the most part, you can't control what happens around you. But you can control how you perceive the events. There are advantages to being alone. These days many couples are fighting and having all kinds of problems being cooped up together. If you focus more on the advantages and dwell less on being lonely things just might seem not as bad. However I believe a lot of people on here are seeking sympathy and comfort for their loneliness not ways to shed it.

I totally agree with you. I don't need someone to tell me how to deal with loniless I want someone to talk to.

 

[SirPanda]

But you're inviting both views. You can't get mad if someone says it. Unless you say right off the bat that's what you want.

 

[August Campbell]

The following survey shows that older people clearly reported LESS loneliness than younger people.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.ps...2006/the-world-s-biggest-study-loneliness?amp

 

[August Campbell]

Lonely is good, as seen in this video of a man who has lived in complete isolation for 40 years>>

 

[Just Games]

No it's not..it's friggin paneful.I don't feel it so much now but when I was it was horrendous.
In fact all three of my kids have been lonely at some point in there life's and all three were in tears about it...how can that be good.

 

[Gentlewind]

Agree. Loneliness is unconscious or conscious form of meditation. Making a choice to reduce amount of external noise. 

Then why sometimes we are unhappy? It happens when choice is unconscious and the layers we are made from do not agree with each other.

 

[August Campbell]

Agree. Loneliness is unconscious or conscious form of meditation. Making a choice to reduce amount of external noise. 

Then why sometimes we are unhappy? It happens when choice is unconscious and the layers we are made from do not agree with each other.

Sounds like You are a Buddhist, Gentlewind, from the observations you make.  Loneliness is Not necessarily bad. We know that loneliness hurts people, as seen from the numerous posts here.  But loneliness is Not necessarily bad.  Instead it can be constructive if you look at the many examples of Buddhist monks who practice the self-denial of Asceticism.
By the way I like your name of Gentle Wind.  Even the name sounds Buddhist because the practice of Zen meditation feels like a gentle wind wafting through one's very soul.

 

[Gentlewind]

"... Zen meditation feels like a gentle wind wafting through one's very soul" - beautifully said August Campbell. 

It is possible  part of me is Buddhist. I like wondering and reflecting on these subjects. They resonate with me.

Separation of Loneliness is transcended in meditation to Connection on infinite levels.

 

[August Campbell]

To continue the video of Faustino, the Hermit living in complete isolation for 40 years, here is part 2:

 

[Finished]

Well, I think some people don't understand how someone can live alone and not be lonely while others can be extremely lonely while living among others. 

My situation as a reference:
There is not one single person on this planet who gives one **** whether I live or die. Well, a few would prefer the later. Ha! ha! I have nobody to count on or help me should I need it. I don't have anybody to talk to. I don't have medical insurance so when something happens I deal with it myself. Besides I really don't want to go through all the BS it requires to see a doctor. The social interaction required for that along is dreadful. I have performed many procedures on myself including stitching up a deep cut on my arm and vacuuming out nasty very painful ear infections using a manual automotive break bleeding vacuum. Ha! ha! It sounds really stupid but F it.

I personally made the choice to not allow myself to by lonely. The alternative would turn me into a complete mess, which I do not find acceptable. So, over the years I stopped yearning for what I don't have. But, by doing that, I will never be not alone because there is no going over my wall now. But, that's just me. Sure, I would prefer to have a loving wife, caring friends, etc, etc, etc. But that's not going to happen. I'm not whining. I'm just stating my situation. It is what it is and I've accepted it.

Now,  I watched a series of videos about a guy who basically said F it and moved to Alaska to live on his own. 

http://dickproenneke.com/

It's a really fun set of videos to watch. His situation is up beat and romanticized in the videos. One can say he must be really lonely. Well, he gets visits from others, mainly his brother. They seem to really care about each other. So, the guy isn't lonely. He knows at least someone, in this world, actually cares and probably loves him.

Others are in situations with other people who either don't really care about them or the person believes they don't care about them. It feels that same way. That can be an even worse situation then being by yourself. It's like living a fake life where every one just assumes you should be happy. But, you are not. So, there must be something wrong with you. It adds add additional layer of guilt and bad feelings. Gee thanks!

Myself, I simply can't do that. It would be too overwhelming for me. As in the past, if I really believe someone didn't care about me, I'm was gone. But, others can't do that for a variety of reasons and maybe leaving is not the best thing to do. According to the medical advise I will become unhealthy and die early. I'm definitely not using the socialization part of my brain. Well, other then a few forum posts here and there. However, I believe, a lot of the "expert information" that is out there is a bunch of BS. We'll, see. It'll be an experiment to see if they are correct or not. Ha! Ha!

So, lonely can be good for some sometimes. Many times, I am so very thankful I'm by myself. I only focus on my needs and/or concerns. I need not waste any effort caring about others. It's very selfish and I'm okay with that. Ha! Ha! I've been able to turn the lonely feeling off. Maybe I've just buried it deep down. Or maybe that part of me has died from lack of use. It's probably not the best way to deal with the lonely / alone situation. But, it seems to work for me.

 

[mknfl]

It is one thing to be alone with ones self and finding a moment of solitude and reflection. But to be lonely in the heart is like lying in a dark room dying and death never comes.

 

[August Campbell]

In a separate different thread I noticed for the first time a mention made of a group called MGTOW.  It seems similar to the mental attitude I've held for a long time.  We men can control and suppress emotions toward a woman or any romantic relationship.  We have only to practice emotional Non-attachment.  I've developed this Non-attachment by diligently practicing Buddhist meditation.  
I feel sympathy for those posters who feel the need, even a desperate need for relationships.  To feel contentment, you don't need any intimacy, you don't need to be physical.  This is what I've learned from my meditation.  I learned about Non-attachment way before I heard of MGTOW.

 

[morrowrd]

Apparently loneliness can be good because there are Buddhist monks who purposely go into Solitude in the forest in order to meditate. The point is that being alone helps one to meditate.  Maybe those of us here who suffer from loneliness can use it to our advantage by using it for meditation.  Maybe the Universe has designated loners to become adepts at meditation.  So loneliness can be a blessing. What do you loners think of that??

Loneliness isn't the same thing as going into the woods for solitude.  Solitude I believe is a choice, loneliness isn't - there is pain in loneliness, relief in solitude.

 

[August Campbell]

In answer to the previous participant, my point is that loneliness can be good when used to help at meditation.  In other words, loneliness presents an opportunity.  The opportunity I mentioned. In that case, lonely is good.

 

[TheRealCallie]

In answer to the previous participant, my point is that loneliness can be good when used to help at meditation.  In other words, loneliness presents an opportunity.  The opportunity I mentioned. In that case, lonely is good.

You are still confusing lonely and alone.