Lonely wife

[Christy]

Hello
Im 44 woman who’s husband thinks it’s ok to talk to other women and hide it like I don’t know that he’s doing it. He isn’t cheating physically. I know that because he’s home every night and we share the find my phone app so I know where he is. We have argued in the past about this. The last time we argued he said that he talks to them so he can jerk off since I’m not giving him in his words enough sex. 
Every time he does this I Just don’t want to have anything to do with him sexually because I feel he is imagining them while we have sex. 
So it’s making me extremely lonely. I have told him how I feel yet he still does it. 
I’ve tried to give him what he wants but I just doesn’t seem like enough. 
We’ve been together for 25 years. I love him deeply but it hurts when he does this. I’ve thought about leaving but financially I wouldn’t be able to as I don’t make much and I have the insurance through my work so my paycheck isn’t that great.
I also have had some very recent health issues that will make leaving impossible. I just feel so overwhelmed and not sure what to do. How to make him understand how he’s breaking my heart.

 

[Assimilate]

Hello and welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear about your relationship and health issues. I would recommend finding a friend or family member to stay with for a time until you can sort out how you want to move forward, and maybe look into marriage counseling. These things don't work for everyone but I've seen them work wonders for some of my family members. There are lots of options out there.

I've never been married but I've been in a similar situation to yours and I wasn't okay with it either. It's always tough when a partner doesn't consider your needs or expectations, especially in regards to intimacy. You have my thoughts and prayers.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Welcome to the forum. That sounds like a hard situation. Maybe you will find some respite here, or elsewhere... The Internet is a big place and I'm sure many have gone through and are going through what you are going through.

If you feel like he has the winning hand; I would say, don't underestimate yourself.

I've known what it's like to feel cheated on in that way. I guess it comes down to where the line gets drawn. Some couples are perfectly fine having an open relationship. The line gets drawn somewhere; but, yeah, it's hard when some one doesn't exactly cheat on you; but, they aren't really, 'there,' with you in the relationship anymore...

 

[Broken heart]

Hello
I know exactly how u feel. And although my husband didn't do the same thing exactly, yet I am often abused emotionally in so many ways. And I tooove my husband * At least I hope it is not a form of Stockholm syndrome) and I too cant leave him, also for financial reasons.
Which leaves us in a very awkward spot because we WISH that all the replies we get here can be directed to him. But unfortunately they are only for our eyes to read.
Sigh.
I also dont know what is it wz men and sex. Jeez. They should really cool it some. What? He wants to jerk off 10p times a day? Unbelievable.

You got me out of my silence. But know, so many here are very supportive even if virtually so.
Also, you are not alone ❤

 

[Edward W]

Hi and welcome!

 

[Yeti1980]

Hello and welcome,

It's certainly a very tough situation, and I'm sorry you're having these problems to deal with.

The bottom line here is that you and the marriage are being disrespected. If you've had a thorough conversation with him and told him straight that you don't like it, then he is clearly disrespecting you and your wishes. Never mind the whole sexual gratification thing, a marriage is supposed to be about love and respect. Even if there were some kind of bedroom problem, it's no excuse for meandering off and doing as he pleases.

Talk to friends, talk to family, put a buffer zone of your own in place and then have a very clear conversation with him. I do not know you or the situation first hand, but it sounds as though you need to put consequences in place, perhaps even to the extent of leaving/kicking him out. As things stand you're not happy, he's not listening and he's not moderating his behaviour.

 

[Broken heart]

Hello and welcome,

It's certainly a very tough situation, and I'm sorry you're having these problems to deal with.

The bottom line here is that you and the marriage are being disrespected. If you've had a thorough conversation with him and told him straight that you don't like it, then he is clearly disrespecting you and your wishes. Never mind the whole sexual gratification thing, a marriage is supposed to be about love and respect. Even if there were some kind of bedroom problem, it's no excuse for meandering off and doing as he pleases.

Talk to friends, talk to family, put a buffer zone of your own in place and then have a very clear conversation with him. I do not know you or the situation first hand, but it sounds as though you need to put consequences in place, perhaps even to the extent of leaving/kicking him out. As things stand you're not happy, he's not listening and he's not moderating his behaviour.

I am wondering. How can you discuss a sex related issue with family and friends

 

[Yeti1980]

I am wondering. How can you discuss a sex related issue with family and friends

It can be very tough to talk about, especially with family as they are so close. A good friend will always listen and try to help out and give good advice. It's a case of feeling by instinct whether you can discuss that kind of thing with a person.

 

[Broken heart]

In my opinion sex related issues esp these, ate really an addiction

I mean this guy obviously talks to not just any woman. Obviously the type of women that would indulge in such "activities" ..like him.
So..maybe counselling would be good? I know for example that no way on earth literally that my own husband would do it. I begged him several times. But no way.
But maybe yours would? You think?

 

[Princessgltrsprkls]

Hey christy. 

My name is Susan. I have similar problem with my spouse. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. Being lonely stinks. Someone else suggested counseling- have y’all tried this method? Would your husband even be willing?

 

[Christy]

Thank you for all your support and suggestions. At this point I’ve got to concentrate on my health. After we figure out what is wrong I believe I will try to convince him about counseling. He has been very supportive since my heath issues but I know once that is hopefully fixed that it will go back to the same stuff.
I appreciate all your advice.
Thank you

 

[Yeti1980]

Wishing you all the best Christy and wishing you a speedy recovery from your health troubles. I'm glad he has been supportive towards you lately, it's what you deserve.