Lonely

[Deosil]

I am very lonely. I have a myriad of mental illness's (OCD, social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder, depression, suspected ADHD and suspected autism). I have had mental illness from youth, but I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood. I was terribly bullied as a child as I used to be obese (I was also a loner). I have some physical illness's also: like an aggressive alopecia disease that scars all my head and face and causes constant infection - I have to cut my hair and beard once a week and it is very painful.

Sometimes I just feel like giving up. I am nearly 40 and live with my immediate family (mother, father and sister - they are kind and supportive people but I make there lives hard) and I 've never had a friend or partner because of my anxiety and depression. I struggle with communication (I rarely speak at all, even to my family). I don't work because of my issues. I rarely go out because I'm too scared. I am essentially a wastrel. I live in a strange paradox where I don't want people around me or indeed to communicate with them as I detest them, yet I don't want to be alone.

It takes too much effort and motivation for me to form ralationships, so I just push everyone away. I have caused so much hardship to the people that I love due to my issues and I find it very difficult to live with that, let alone knowingly trying to form relations knowing that person would have to deal with it as well.

Sometimes at night I end up crying to myself if I don't manage to distract myself which is very hard. I am just so exhausted with everything and my loneliness that most days I am just numb.
I just wish I knew what it felt like to not be so lonely.

 

[user 188685]

I'm so sorry to hear this

 

[user 188685]

I welcome you to the forum site,I hope you find some comfort here.

 

[Finished]

Wecome to the forum! Maybe you can find some comfort here. I wish you well.

 

[Bam111]

I am very lonely. I have a myriad of mental illness's (OCD, social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder, depression, suspected ADHD and suspected autism). I have had mental illness from youth, but I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood. I was terribly bullied as a child as I used to be obese (I was also a loner). I have some physical illness's also: like an aggressive alopecia disease that scars all my head and face and causes constant infection - I have to cut my hair and beard once a week and it is very painful.

Sometimes I just feel like giving up. I am nearly 40 and live with my immediate family (mother, father and sister - they are kind and supportive people but I make there lives hard) and I 've never had a friend or partner because of my anxiety and depression. I struggle with communication (I rarely speak at all, even to my family). I don't work because of my issues. I rarely go out because I'm too scared. I am essentially a wastrel. I live in a strange paradox where I don't want people around me or indeed to communicate with them as I detest them, yet I don't want to be alone.

It takes too much effort and motivation for me to form ralationships, so I just push everyone away. I have caused so much hardship to the people that I love due to my issues and I find it very difficult to live with that, let alone knowingly trying to form relations knowing that person would have to deal with it as well.

Sometimes at night I end up crying to myself if I don't manage to distract myself which is very hard. I am just so exhausted with everything and my loneliness that most days I am just numb.
I just wish I knew what it felt like to not be so lonely.

I understand your pain I suffer from anxiety, suicidal depression, ptsd, schizophrenia, social anxiety though we may not have the same conditions, or the same life. mental health is something near and dear to my heart all my life I suffered with fitting in with anyone most of the time I could not focus on anything I suffered academically, socially, mentally, psychologically. I was mocked, and abused by my peers and my family, I was tortured by visual and auditory hallucinations, kicked out of my home at an early age was homeless for a decent number of years stabbed, shot at, beaten. I could not hold a job; I couldn't hold a relationship, had no friends 4 years ago lost my baby brother who I raised and loved like a son. Almost took my life multiple times it wasn't until my last attempt that finally I got help from a clinic, after four years of long psychological therapy, medications, counseling and long soul searching that I was finally able to manage my symptoms I've had to live with family as well I understand the feeling of thinking it feels burdening but there is some that I have met who have mental disorders that there family is not there for them. Or they find it easier to send them to a mental institution, I have bin there as well They are heavily medicated, beaten nearly to death sometimes by personnel, molested, or there is a fight (not all are but the one I went to was like this).

Now that we covered that I would like to say I am so very glad that you are still here with us it takes a lot to go through mental illness and want to still continue to live. You have a good family who loves and would miss you very much if you took your life you are blessed to have people who care about you, never feel that you are a burden on anyone instead take that energy and try to focus it on self-healing, love yourself it's the hardest thing to do for someone with mental health but when you learn to love yourself it becomes more easier to love others and they will love you back. I used to have trouble with trusting or caring for humanity (forgive them) if they have harmed you or treated you bad it's the second hardest thing to do for those who suffer with mental illness it tends to build up and we harbor hatred let it go (not all at once but over time) slowly start to interact with others. Not all people are good but there are some who truly care for those around them I'm one of them if ever you want to talk, I'm here for you while I can be don't lose hope.

 

[9006]

It's sad people experience things like this so severe. It's a difficult cycle to break, and definitely would involve coming out your comfort zone and facing issues head on. I suppose the good news is that you can start anytime.

I think it would be best to work with some kind of therapist, and start off taking small steps to try and eliminate - or at least reduce - your anxiety and depression. Primarily it seems these things are holding you back, you might find that even the smallest steps can give you more freedom or help to improve your mentality. And as soon as you can improve your health in whatever way, you'll find that it'll make a lot of difference.

You're not alone, and there will always be people to listen and try to help you, but ultimately it's only yourself that can make a true difference.

 

[dan27]

Hobbies & pets are good distractions to consider,

No matter how bad you find life to be...someone else has it worse.

Focus on your blessings to gain your power back.
Peace

 

[Bratwurst0516]

I am very lonely. I have a myriad of mental illness's (OCD, social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder, depression, suspected ADHD and suspected autism). I have had mental illness from youth, but I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood. I was terribly bullied as a child as I used to be obese (I was also a loner). I have some physical illness's also: like an aggressive alopecia disease that scars all my head and face and causes constant infection - I have to cut my hair and beard once a week and it is very painful.

Sometimes I just feel like giving up. I am nearly 40 and live with my immediate family (mother, father and sister - they are kind and supportive people but I make there lives hard) and I 've never had a friend or partner because of my anxiety and depression. I struggle with communication (I rarely speak at all, even to my family). I don't work because of my issues. I rarely go out because I'm too scared. I am essentially a wastrel. I live in a strange paradox where I don't want people around me or indeed to communicate with them as I detest them, yet I don't want to be alone.

It takes too much effort and motivation for me to form ralationships, so I just push everyone away. I have caused so much hardship to the people that I love due to my issues and I find it very difficult to live with that, let alone knowingly trying to form relations knowing that person would have to deal with it as well.

Sometimes at night I end up crying to myself if I don't manage to distract myself which is very hard. I am just so exhausted with everything and my loneliness that most days I am just numb.
I just wish I knew what it felt like to not be so lonely.

Same here. Except I have physical health issues going back to birth. I presently live with my elderly mother(my parents' divorced when I was 3 n' my brother 6mos.). My younger(healthy) brother will have been married 25yrs. in 2023. Whereas, Over the last 22yrs., I have been through one divorce, two breakups, and one death. Also, My family keep thinking. I don't need any other emotional support, other than them and that I should always live near them. That is totally ignorant. When I was married, they always barged into my home. Because of that, the past three relationships were all with women 1,000+mi. away.

 

[Finished]

I just realized that I play with my food when I'm feeling lonely. I especially like to try to bite almonds perfectly in half before eating them.

 

[Bratwurst0516]

I am very lonely. I have a myriad of mental illness's (OCD, social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder, depression, suspected ADHD and suspected autism). I have had mental illness from youth, but I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood. I was terribly bullied as a child as I used to be obese (I was also a loner). I have some physical illness's also: like an aggressive alopecia disease that scars all my head and face and causes constant infection - I have to cut my hair and beard once a week and it is very painful.

Sometimes I just feel like giving up. I am nearly 40 and live with my immediate family (mother, father and sister - they are kind and supportive people but I make there lives hard) and I 've never had a friend or partner because of my anxiety and depression. I struggle with communication (I rarely speak at all, even to my family). I don't work because of my issues. I rarely go out because I'm too scared. I am essentially a wastrel. I live in a strange paradox where I don't want people around me or indeed to communicate with them as I detest them, yet I don't want to be alone.

It takes too much effort and motivation for me to form ralationships, so I just push everyone away. I have caused so much hardship to the people that I love due to my issues and I find it very difficult to live with that, let alone knowingly trying to form relations knowing that person would have to deal with it as well.

Sometimes at night I end up crying to myself if I don't manage to distract myself which is very hard. I am just so exhausted with everything and my loneliness that most days I am just numb.
I just wish I knew what it felt like to not be so lonely.

I, sort of, know the feeling. I don't have mental health issues, but chronic physical health issues. I was also bullied throughout school. I am 55 and live with 81yr.-old mother. It may be cheaper living with my mother but, it is very demoralizing. I don't go out because I don't trust that people will react properly to my physical health, should there happen to be an emergency. I can't drive so, I need help going out, beyond the neighborhood we live in. I feel like 'fish bait'. Waiting for someone to do me in.

 

[JC ROC]

I am very lonely. I have a myriad of mental illness's (OCD, social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder, depression, suspected ADHD and suspected autism). I have had mental illness from youth, but I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood. I was terribly bullied as a child as I used to be obese (I was also a loner). I have some physical illness's also: like an aggressive alopecia disease that scars all my head and face and causes constant infection - I have to cut my hair and beard once a week and it is very painful.

Sometimes I just feel like giving up. I am nearly 40 and live with my immediate family (mother, father and sister - they are kind and supportive people but I make there lives hard) and I 've never had a friend or partner because of my anxiety and depression. I struggle with communication (I rarely speak at all, even to my family). I don't work because of my issues. I rarely go out because I'm too scared. I am essentially a wastrel. I live in a strange paradox where I don't want people around me or indeed to communicate with them as I detest them, yet I don't want to be alone.

It takes too much effort and motivation for me to form ralationships, so I just push everyone away. I have caused so much hardship to the people that I love due to my issues and I find it very difficult to live with that, let alone knowingly trying to form relations knowing that person would have to deal with it as well.

Sometimes at night I end up crying to myself if I don't manage to distract myself which is very hard. I am just so exhausted with everything and my loneliness that most days I am just numb.
I just wish I knew what it felt like to not be so lonely.

Hi - sorry to hear your pain - truly. In time I hope you feel true authentic friendship- do you have any pets? My cats are my best friends. Maybe if you don’t have any you could consider giving love and friendship to an animal and in return the love you receive back will be tenfold

 

[Puppykat56]

I am very lonely. I have a myriad of mental illness's (OCD, social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder, depression, suspected ADHD and suspected autism). I have had mental illness from youth, but I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood. I was terribly bullied as a child as I used to be obese (I was also a loner). I have some physical illness's also: like an aggressive alopecia disease that scars all my head and face and causes constant infection - I have to cut my hair and beard once a week and it is very painful.

Sometimes I just feel like giving up. I am nearly 40 and live with my immediate family (mother, father and sister - they are kind and supportive people but I make there lives hard) and I 've never had a friend or partner because of my anxiety and depression. I struggle with communication (I rarely speak at all, even to my family). I don't work because of my issues. I rarely go out because I'm too scared. I am essentially a wastrel. I live in a strange paradox where I don't want people around me or indeed to communicate with them as I detest them, yet I don't want to be alone.

It takes too much effort and motivation for me to form ralationships, so I just push everyone away. I have caused so much hardship to the people that I love due to my issues and I find it very difficult to live with that, let alone knowingly trying to form relations knowing that person would have to deal with it as well.

Sometimes at night I end up crying to myself if I don't manage to distract myself which is very hard. I am just so exhausted with everything and my loneliness that most days I am just numb.
I just wish I knew what it felt like to not be so lonely.

We are all lonely souls here, my fellow sad friend - maybe not for the same reasons, but at some point, we all stumbled onto that path that other humans avoid walking. I cry a lot, too - almost every single day. I don't even know that there are answers out here in the world for any of us. There probably aren't any words, either, tied up in a neat little bow, to make us feel better. BUT you aren't really alone, because we are all here, feeling the same way that you feel. I hope you feel a little better today.

 

[Deosil]

Thank you for all your replies, they are all very kind. I am currently not looking forward to Autumn/Winter as my loneliness and depression spike. I am going to try and keep myself as busy as possible during this time.
We do have a dog and he is very lovely. I snuggle up to him everynight and give him lots of hugs (I wish he could hug me back sometimes though).

 

[Bam111]

if ever you would like to chat or join a game, I am here to converse don hesitate to engage you are not alone. Have a great day

 

[user 188522]

Dry your eyes; you have landed in a great forum. Please continue to post. I also have no contact with the outside world. I only venture out for doctor visits. Welcome to the forum.

 

[Sfgiantslover]

I am very lonely. I have a myriad of mental illness's (OCD, social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder, depression, suspected ADHD and suspected autism). I have had mental illness from youth, but I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood. I was terribly bullied as a child as I used to be obese (I was also a loner). I have some physical illness's also: like an aggressive alopecia disease that scars all my head and face and causes constant infection - I have to cut my hair and beard once a week and it is very painful.

Sometimes I just feel like giving up. I am nearly 40 and live with my immediate family (mother, father and sister - they are kind and supportive people but I make there lives hard) and I 've never had a friend or partner because of my anxiety and depression. I struggle with communication (I rarely speak at all, even to my family). I don't work because of my issues. I rarely go out because I'm too scared. I am essentially a wastrel. I live in a strange paradox where I don't want people around me or indeed to communicate with them as I detest them, yet I don't want to be alone.

It takes too much effort and motivation for me to form ralationships, so I just push everyone away. I have caused so much hardship to the people that I love due to my issues and I find it very difficult to live with that, let alone knowingly trying to form relations knowing that person would have to deal with it as well.

Sometimes at night I end up crying to myself if I don't manage to distract myself which is very hard. I am just so exhausted with everything and my loneliness that most days I am just numb.
I just wish I knew what it felt like to not be so lonely.

I’m sorry sorry to hear this.