Long distance relationships

[Positivevibes102]

I've been trying to keep myself sane while being in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend lives in London and I live in Toronto however we've both been finding it difficult to get through months without seeing each other. I dont want to stop talking to him and he feels the same about me . But at the same time i feel like the both of us might be better off seeing people within our own cities because of the emotional exhaustion we're putting ourselves through. I dont know what to do nor do i even wanna go through with not talking to him at all. What do you think we should do?

 

[X-1 Alpha]

There's only 2 things you can possibly do, right? Persevere or abandon the relationship. Which one you'd be more likely to pursue?

Sure, it's exhausting, annoying; even painful to be apart. However, with how globalised we are, it's easier than ever to switch location, to move somewhere else - it's doable. It's not easy, but it's certainly achievable. Is any of you ready to make such a move? If not now then in the future? Talk this through, make a plan perhaps, see if it's a feasible solution. This is the best time to be alive to try such a thing; just imagine having to depend on sending letters instead, yeesh.
The other choice is much more simple - end it. Leave it all behind or remain friends, doesn't really matter. It's be a difficult first step, but you'd surely recover in time. Looking for someone in your area could be a better choice, but there are of course things to consider - will you actually find someone fitting? Do you intend to move somewhere else eventually? Are you actually capable of ending your current relationship?

There's one question YOU need to answer. How important is this relationship to you? Do you see the light at the end of the tunnel? Do you honestly see yourself pursuing it further? If yes, then keep persevering. If it works out for you (and I hope it does) then great. If it doesn't, then at least you'll know you've tried, you gave it your honest best and there's not much to regret. You can always start looking for a partner in you vicinity, there's no rush to do so. So ... keep it up, I guess?

 

[Positivevibes102]

There's only 2 things you can possibly do, right? Persevere or abandon the relationship. Which one you'd be more likely to pursue?

Sure, it's exhausting, annoying; even painful to be apart. However, with how globalised we are, it's easier than ever to switch location, to move somewhere else - it's doable. It's not easy, but it's certainly achievable. Is any of you ready to make such a move? If not now then in the future? Talk this through, make a plan perhaps, see if it's a feasible solution. This is the best time to be alive to try such a thing; just imagine having to depend on sending letters instead, yeesh.
The other choice is much more simple - end it. Leave it all behind or remain friends, doesn't really matter. It's be a difficult first step, but you'd surely recover in time. Looking for someone in your area could be a better choice, but there are of course things to consider - will you actually find someone fitting? Do you intend to move somewhere else eventually? Are you actually capable of ending your current relationship?

There's one question YOU need to answer. How important is this relationship to you? Do you see the light at the end of the tunnel? Do you honestly see yourself pursuing it further? If yes, then keep persevering. If it works out for you (and I hope it does) then great. If it doesn't, then at least you'll know you've tried, you gave it your honest best and there's not much to regret. You can always start looking for a partner in you vicinity, there's no rush to do so. So ... keep it up, I guess?


You are definitely right. Its funny you mention those 2 things because i knew what my 2 options were even before you said it. Its just hard to even think about it and to get through it. Im the one in the relationship who wants to keep going on with it, its my partner who thinks otherwise. And thats the bummer... it makes me feel as if i'm the one wasting my time. It's so difficult 

 

[X-1 Alpha]

Heh, I did not mean to imply that you were oblivious to what your options are. It's just that sometimes we either miss the obvious or can't accept the truth and we need a third party to open our eyes. Just wanted to make sure. Happened to me far too many times.

I'd say that this makes the whole dillema a bit easier to solve. What we now need is one, simple answer to a question - why does he think this way? Is he worried that the situation is taking its toll on you and he's concerned with your well-being, or is he himself losing hope that it'll eventually work out? If it's the former then again, it'll depend on you to convince him that you'll be fine and you should keep going, and if it's the latter ... I don't think there's much you can do to really change his mind, right? Logical conclusion would be that if he's having second thoughts now, unless the situation is about to change soon it'll only become progressively worse.

 

[DarkSelene]

If it's this exhausting it's probably not working, and convincing someone to be with you is not going to help make it less stressful. Ending things can be hard sometimes, specially if there are feelings and attachment, but fighting for something that has proven to not work can be detrimental to your well-being too.

With that said, if you think a change of pace or a different approach could work in making being apart easier to handle, why not try it? Maybe you'll both find a way to have more meaningful moments together - even from afar - and the relationship can feel more refreshing instead of so tiring.

In any case, I wish you good luck.

 

[TheRealCallie]

If you think you should date other people, doesn't that tell you your answer? The only real question is WHY you want to date other people....is it because an LDR is hard and you don't have the physical contact you want or is it because you just aren't as into him as you thought or maybe it's something else entirely.

 

[Serephina]

London England and Toronto? wow! that is some distance,that must put other issues in to the relationship such as the finance of travelling to see each other. I have to admit I started reading this thread because I am currently in a long distance relationship and thought I could pick up some ideas,but we live just over 2 hours drive from each other.

Long distance relationships can be difficult anyway because you can't see each other that often,that's not to say it can't work,but you both have to be as willing as each other to make a go of things and put in the effort. If it's emotionally exhausting,regardless of whether you stay together or not,I would probably work on that and find things you enjoy doing to keep your mind occupied,meet up with family and friends and take up hobbies and interests that you enjoy,just so that you are in a happier place when you do get to talk,people pick up on that. I think that having that clearer sense of mind might also help you make the decision of what you're wanting to do about this relationship.

 

[Sun35]

I've been trying to keep myself sane while being in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend lives in London and I live in Toronto however we've both been finding it difficult to get through months without seeing each other. I dont want to stop talking to him and he feels the same about me . But at the same time i feel like the both of us might be better off seeing people within our own cities because of the emotional exhaustion we're putting ourselves through. I dont know what to do nor do i even wanna go through with not talking to him at all. What do you think we should do?

Long distance relationships don't work out. It takes too much of effort from two people involved in it.

 

[user 139760]

Is he worth keeping for life?
It takes dedication to pull off a successful long distance. If it's not 100% commitment between the two, it's not going to work. I tried, it didn't. If I find someone worthwhile that feels the same, I might feel inclined to try again, but in a rowboat like that, it's 50-50. If it becomes 49-51 that boat will likely sink.

So ask yourselves respectively if you thik each other are worth it. Answer is no? You know what to do.

 

[Yukongirl]

The problem with long distance relationships is they can quickly become one dimensional and unfulfilling without the physical closeness that is a part of a romantic relationship. And I don't mean just sex, but doing things together. It's easy to get caught up and let your imagination fill your heads of thoughts of all the possibilities, but realistically at some point you have to ask yourself if you are getting what you need out of this relationship. Where do you see it going a year from now? Five years from now? For something real one of you is going to have to relocate I assume and cope with a different culture, different country and leaving family behind. Just my thoughts. Been there...it ain't easy....