Loosing my best friend to her boyfriend?

[VanillaCreme]

When I asked what she liked about him she said "I finally have someone to drive me around and buy me things unlike my last bf". That doesn't say anything imo. I only posted this because I feel a little hurt that she's saying she has to work or has homework when really she's hanging out with her bf. She doesn't need to lie. That and I'm just worried. I can't even have a normal conversation with her anymore. It all ends with something about him. I went to a party a few weeks ago and was harassed in a sexual way by two guys. I called her about it the next day and she said she couldn't talk. As she was with her bf. We hung out that weekend because she said we could talk more about it then, but nothing about that was mentioned. Everything was about the bf and why I should approve of him more.

To me his flirting is pretty hardcore. I mean going around calling other girls sexy. I've seen him treat some the same as he does my friend, just without the kissing. Since he's a comedian he's pretty outgoing which is the exact opposite of her. She's quiet and somewhat of a pushover. He's way older and has more experience so he can probably see that.

It doesn't have to say anything to you. It says something to her. You asked. She answered. And that's what it means to her. It doesn't have to mean anything to you. She's your friend, and you care, and only want the best for her in life. I get that. But that still doesn't make it your pot to stick your hand into. You can help her if you choose. You can be there for her if you'd like. But not a single ounce of it is yours to decide. Be honest and be sincere; Every friend should be. And I think you're a true friend for being concerned, but it's not yours to step into.

Honestly, I think you need to tell her that you don't want to hear about him anymore. Sometimes, people need to understand that it is their life, and not everybody wants to be in it all the time. I know I would tell her that I'm sorry, I know he's your love, but he's not mine and I don't want to talk about him constantly. I don't blame you if you really don't want to hear about him 24-7, and the fact that she seems to not care about anything you're going through outside of her boyfriend getting approval from you, then perhaps you need to sit back and re-evaluate what type of friendship y'all really have. She's disconcerting about it to say the least, and maybe it's time for you to say something about it. He's important to her, not to you.

If she doesn't even care to listen... Well, that's all the answer I'd ever need from anyone.

 

[stork_error]

Almost everybody does this in the beginning. After so many people did it to me, i did the same thing, knowing it was wrong but with an attitude of "well everyone did it to me so…"

In retrospect, I wouldn't do it again.

In time they will either break up because the relationship is too possessive or loosen up, get comfortable and start spending time with friends. Either way, right now you need to make new friends… yes easier said than done.

 

[astraea]

Well no it doesn't have anything to do with me, but the thing is whenever we talk she wants to know my opinion about everything so I'm kind of being dragged into it. Whenever I say something she doesn't want to hear she gets defensive, but oh well. I'm starting to get over it though. After almost two weeks of not having a normal conversation I'm kind of used to it. I'm also making plans with some older friends I haven't hung out with in awhile so that's helping.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Well no it doesn't have anything to do with me, but the thing is whenever we talk she wants to know my opinion about everything so I'm kind of being dragged into it. Whenever I say something she doesn't want to hear she gets defensive, but oh well. I'm starting to get over it though. After almost two weeks of not having a normal conversation I'm kind of used to it. I'm also making plans with some older friends I haven't hung out with in awhile so that's helping.

But you can decide to not be dragged into it. When she does ask you, tell her that every time you say something, she doesn't want to hear it. Tell her that. Point out to her when she does it so she knows you're not just not being uncaring. Just as she can say what she wants, so can you. Tell her exactly how you feel about it. He's not your guy; You don't have to care about him. Whatever he does with other girls is on her. She allows it to happen.

Stand up for yourself, even to a friend, is all I'm saying. Best of luck to you and to her.

 

[stork_error]

Just read the part about her having a guy who can drive her around. I had a friend do this, I eventually lost all respect for her as I started thinking of her as a hooker. With that being said, at least the hooker is not being deceitful.

 

[astraea]

Just read the part about her having a guy who can drive her around. I had a friend do this, I eventually lost all respect for her as I started thinking of her as a hooker. With that being said, at least the hooker is not being deceitful.

Yeah her last bf had her drive him all over the place. Idk why considering he has his own car. I hardly ever heard of him driving her anywhere. This new bf is doing what the last one didn't do, but I'm not sure if it's going to last.