Low Self-esteem

[Mrgb66]

This is going to sound weird but I am kinda glad about my low self-esteem. It keeps me in reality and off high horse and delusions of grandeur.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Are you in reality though? Don't get me wrong, delusions of grandeur can be bad, but how can you be sure you aren't the opposite? How do you know you are living in reality? Low self esteem typically brings negativity. A negative mindset typically brings negative thoughts about oneself that aren't usually completely true.

 

[Mrgb66]

I meet monthly with a mental health therapist. She tells me that I am in the real world. If I was not she would have to report me and I would lose a good job I have.

I do at times think negative and sometimes I am wrong and other times I am right. But only she knows it and no one else.

 

[sub5male]

I meet monthly with a mental health therapist. She tells me that I am in the real world. If I was not she would have to report me and I would lose a good job I have.

I do at times think negative and sometimes I am wrong and other times I am right. But only she knows it and no one else.

Being realistic is a very important aspect of life and being so called "negative" can often be an accurate reflection of a bad circumstance. If a person's life sucks and improving it is beyond their control, then being negative is a justified reaction and preferable to the most addictive and destructive drug known to humans-false hope. What is wrong is expecting things to change & improve when nothing in your past indicates that it is likely or even possible.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I think you are entitled to your feelings, I wont question them. However, you dont need to be plagued with low self-esteem to stay grounded. Sometimes it can go too far and push you to the other side

Look after yourself

 

[Mrgb66]

Being realistic is a very important aspect of life and being so called "negative" can often be an accurate reflection of a bad circumstance. If a person's life sucks and improving it is beyond their control, then being negative is a justified reaction and preferable to the most addictive and destructive drug known to humans-false hope. What is wrong is expecting things to change & improve when nothing in your past indicates that it is likely or even possible.

I was given the best advice from more than 1 person and that is to forget the past. I had a negative childhood but I have always sought for something better. I dont give up. If I cant get in one door then I will try another.

As I mentioned in a previous posts I use to go after these "High Maintenace" women. I replaced it with reading and now I am better.

 

[Mrgb66]

I think you are entitled to your feelings, I wont question them. However, you dont need to be plagued with low self-esteem to stay grounded. Sometimes it can go too far and push you to the other side

Look after yourself

Looking after myself is what I am doing now and I am enjoying it.

 

[Unsigned]

Being realistic is a very important aspect of life and being so called "negative" can often be an accurate reflection of a bad circumstance. If a person's life sucks and improving it is beyond their control, then being negative is a justified reaction and preferable to the most addictive and destructive drug known to humans-false hope. What is wrong is expecting things to change & improve when nothing in your past indicates that it is likely or even possible.

I think for most people, things can get better to a point.
Some can only improve their situation a little, and others more.
But I agree that being truthful and realistic is always best.

One of the things that annoyed me the most about my parents is that they refused to accept reality about the type of person I was and that I was limited in many things. They did this for themselves, not me. They told me how great my life should be because they refused to accept the fact that THEY RAISED a substandard male. They heaped false praise on me because they were really praising themselves, no matter how ridiculous it was. Delusional. It's better to have parents that continually kick your a$$ (literally), because at the very least, you will grow to be a troublemaking tough guy, and girls seem to love them...

 

[TheRealCallie]

I meet monthly with a mental health therapist. She tells me that I am in the real world. If I was not she would have to report me and I would lose a good job I have.

I do at times think negative and sometimes I am wrong and other times I am right. But only she knows it and no one else.

No, no, I don't mean like "you need to be comitted" delusion, I mean that your view is skewed because of your negative thoughts. Everyone has those at times. Some are worse than others, as you have likely seen on this very forum.
Or for example, take me. I have BDD, so my own views of how I look are completely different than the views of others. I can't see my body as it really is. I pick out and focus on every minor (or perceived) flaw and make it bigger in my head.
Or take people who say they are ugly. Chances are very high that they are not nearly as "ugly" as they think they are. That's the kind of stuff I'm talking about. The little things that everyone has a problem with.

In my opinion, there is actual realty, there is rose colored "reality" and there is negative "reality". Most people would say the last two are reality, but to me they are too skewed to be actual reality. The same is true of truth. Just because it's true for YOU, just because you fully believe something, doesn't necessarily make it an actual truth. I'm not sure that made any sense, but I'll stick with it for now. Lol

 

[Mrgb66]

I think for most people, things can get better to a point.
Some can only improve their situation a little, and others more.
But I agree that being truthful and realistic is always best.

One of the things that annoyed me the most about my parents is that they refused to accept reality about the type of person I was and that I was limited in many things. They did this for themselves, not me. They told me how great my life should be because they refused to accept the fact that THEY RAISED a substandard male. They heaped false praise on me because they were really praising themselves, no matter how ridiculous it was. Delusional. It's better to have parents that continually kick your a$$ (literally), because at the very least, you will grow to be a troublemaking tough guy, and girls seem to love them...

Well I did get plenty of beatings and glad I didnt turn into a trouble maker. I had one couple across where I stay and he had some mental issues and my neighbor and I talked with him and straightened him out when he was causing grief to her. Though we are no longer talking I am just glad I no longer have to hear women complain about their bad boys. Thats their problem not mine.

 

[Unsigned]

Well I did get plenty of beatings and glad I didnt turn into a trouble maker. I had one couple across where I stay and he had some mental issues and my neighbor and I talked with him and straightened him out when he was causing grief to her. Though we are no longer talking I am just glad I no longer have to hear women complain about their bad boys. Thats their problem not mine.

I got hit by both parents & teachers (Catholic school), but I can't say they were "beatings". Just a smack in the mouth here and there, or a few whacks with the belt (father), or wooden spoon (mother). No I mean kids that got the cr@p kicked out of them seemed to be the really tough ones. And they always seemed to get the girls.

 

[Mrgb66]

No, no, I don't mean like "you need to be comitted" delusion, I mean that your view is skewed because of your negative thoughts. Everyone has those at times. Some are worse than others, as you have likely seen on this very forum.
Or for example, take me. I have BDD, so my own views of how I look are completely different than the views of others. I can't see my body as it really is. I pick out and focus on every minor (or perceived) flaw and make it bigger in my head.
Or take people who say they are ugly. Chances are very high that they are not nearly as "ugly" as they think they are. That's the kind of stuff I'm talking about. The little things that everyone has a problem with.

In my opinion, there is actual realty, there is rose colored "reality" and there is negative "reality". Most people would say the last two are reality, but to me they are too skewed to be actual reality. The same is true of truth. Just because it's true for YOU, just because you fully believe something, doesn't necessarily make it an actual truth. I'm not sure that made any sense, but I'll stick with it for now. Lol

I know about BDD. I see a therapist because I had a breakdown in October 2020 and its better to see a therapist on your own than a court ordered. Back to the "ugly".

I am age 56 and after countless rejections and not 1 realistic relationship and the constant saying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" . The other saying "You got the face a mother could love" Well my biological mother left me after 8 months.

So after hearing all this beauty beholder nonsense and there is someone out there I found something rather than someone. I stopped caring.

 

[sub5male]

BDD is only delusional if your results IRL contradict how you are feeling about yourself. If you know you are ugly because women are never even the slight bit interested in you then it's not a disorder to feel unattractive-it's just the cold, hard truth.

Seems like we are in similar situations but thus far I have been unable to stop caring and am feel a great deal of shame about my low quality genetics. The beauty is in the eye platitude goes along with the there is someone out there for everyone BS-imo saying like these just serve to make the people who are actually attractive feel better about how unfair the world is to the unfortunate looking.

 

[sub5male]

I think for most people, things can get better to a point.
Some can only improve their situation a little, and others more.
But I agree that being truthful and realistic is always best.

One of the things that annoyed me the most about my parents is that they refused to accept reality about the type of person I was and that I was limited in many things. They did this for themselves, not me. They told me how great my life should be because they refused to accept the fact that THEY RAISED a substandard male. They heaped false praise on me because they were really praising themselves, no matter how ridiculous it was. Delusional. It's better to have parents that continually kick your a$$ (literally), because at the very least, you will grow to be a troublemaking tough guy, and girls seem to love them...

Things you can improve upon can get better with work & effort. The error is in assuming that the things outside of your control (like how other people feel about you) will also improve but they often do not.

What you are describing about your parents is due to survivorship bias-the fallacy that because one person has success that anyone can if they just do the "right" things so when they fail they are blamed for having a bad personality of for not trying hard enough when instead it is because they lack the inherent qualitites to succeed. I think many parents have children in the hope that they will live vicariously through their offspring so when their kids are failures they get very disappointed at having missed out on having superior children.

I can very much relate to being substandard too. Average people and above will never be able to understand how bad life is for below average males who never really had a chance and have to struggle mightily to find the least bit of satisfaction in life even though many of us never will.

 

[Mrgb66]

BDD is only delusional if your results IRL contradict how you are feeling about yourself. If you know you are ugly because women are never even the slight bit interested in you then it's not a disorder to feel unattractive-it's just the cold, hard truth.

Seems like we are in similar situations but thus far I have been unable to stop caring and am feel a great deal of shame about my low quality genetics. The beauty is in the eye platitude goes along with the there is someone out there for everyone BS-imo saying like these just serve to make the people who are actually attractive feel better about how unfair the world is to the unfortunate looking.

I not only see a mental health therapist who gives me ideas to think on before I act or get more in trouble. I also use this free service when I am having something bothering me.

https://soulmediccentral.com/webcha...wAHwAfAAxADUAMAAxADgAMAAyADAAOAA0ADgAMwA1AA==


That part where you said you are not able to stop caring I hope you can get to that area. If you want to use the Medic. To get to the point where I reached is easy said than done.