Making new friends that won't ditch you

[Relo]

I always have trouble making friends that will stay by my side. Because they all seem to ignore me anyway. Help please?

 

[Pike Creek]

There have been a lot of posts concerning how to make and keep friends lately. I think you should take a look at some of the other threads, there are lots of tips there. I personally don't enjoy friendships, so I can't offer advice there. But from what I've read, trying to find people with common interests is a start. Depending on your life situation, if you're at school or working, advice has been offered to join clubs, or take up hobbies to meet people.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Good luck, you can't control what other people will do. You might think you know someone but turn around and walk up behind you and stab you in the heart. People change, sometimes for the better sometimes for the worst. There really isn't anything you can "do" to keep from having a friend ditch you just enjoy the time you have with them for however long it lasts.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You haven't really supplied a lot of information for anyone to give you anything but vague advice.

Do you know why they ignore you? For example, are you holding yourself back so you don't get hurt? Are you not going out and doing thing with them or talking to them a lot? You could be subconsciously sabotaging the friendships. It's hard to tell.

All you can really do is meet new people, open yourself up to relationships and give it your all. Not everyone will stick around, but eventually you will find people that will want to.

 

[Surcruxum]

One reason that my friends ditch me for someone else is because that person is more fun to hang out with than me. For me, feeling unwanted is far worse than loneliness. Now I like being alone, but I still feel depressed or angry about being unwanted.

 

[jjam]

According to my own thinking and understanding that I'll never leave this person's side (and I don't throw words to reassure this person), I am a great friend to this person that I almost NEVER hang out with. Do you know how many people have hangout buddies to come and go? To prove to not be friends?

You want to keep a friend? Build a friend who could grow to really care about you? Have (or develop if you haven't) the strength to be a friend to that person, even through all of your disappointments. Not being a friend because this person makes YOU happy frequently or lately, even. Do it just cause! Do it because you want to care and nurture that spirit within yourself. If it doesn't come back, oh well. But that is the very best you can do under your own control, I think.

 

[SarcasticJuan]

I have friends that have known me since school so over time we developed a bond, although most of us are miles apart from each other now we care about each other and look out for each other at any chance we get.

I could give you a stock answer about joining clubs, classes or work events, however you meet your friends you will get to know them more over time and have a mutual respect and bond with, friends aren't made over night. I will say there are certain people I have met that I don't keep in contact with anymore, I obviously didn't bond that well with them and don't see the point in sticking with them unless I had to please a friend in common.

 

[lonelydoc]

If you want to make friends, grow taller and more beautiful, make a million dollars, have lots of kids, aggressively seek promotion at work, become famous.

Then when you have a mansion and can throw parties for people, watch in utter amazement how many friends you start to make.

It's human nature. We gravitate towards success. We hate losers.

 

[TheRealCallie]

It's human nature. We gravitate towards success. We hate losers.

Um, please speak for yourself and not all of us. Not ALL humans are like that. And not everything thinks people are losers.

Personally, I don't hate anyone and I feel that no one is a loser.

 

[ladyforsaken]

It's human nature. We gravitate towards success. We hate losers.

Um, please speak for yourself and not all of us. Not ALL humans are like that. And not everything thinks people are losers.

Personally, I don't hate anyone and I feel that no one is a loser.

^Yeap, I'm with Callie on this.

 

[edgecrusher]

I find that there are VERY few legitimately genuine people. I don't care to have lots of friends or a regular social network so most people are more like acquaintances to me. Partly because of that and partly because I am naturally introverted anyway. There are only 3 people that I have known long enough and am close enough with to call legitimate friends. One of whom is my sister and we live together. The other is who I call my "best friend" and he has moved back to Germany. And the other is a former girlfriend that lives out of state. So I don't really have anyone physically here other than my sister that I regularly talk to. Our new roommate is cool though so that's a plus.

 

[Tealeaf]

Good luck, you can't control what other people will do. You might think you know someone but turn around and walk up behind you and stab you in the heart. People change, sometimes for the better sometimes for the worst. There really isn't anything you can "do" to keep from having a friend ditch you just enjoy the time you have with them for however long it lasts.

Unfortunately, this is true. I'm quite literally out of ideas - even crazy ones - for my selection criteria. I've never been able to improve my outcomes when it comes to meeting trustworthy friends, whether I was a depressed 14-year-old taking anyone who'd have me around or a healing 23-year-old who looked closely at someone's morals and treatment of me before accepting them into my life. No amount of critically eying someone's morals, history, behavior, lifestyle, affiliations, words, or anything else can alert you to future fatal flaws in a friendship. It's all random.

Those of us who can't deal with the random nature, where most friendships will fail unexpectedly and a few will succeed, would do better to isolate ourselves. I'll be glad when the one person I still talk to moves away so that I don't have to keep up the friendship in-person anymore, and can just be alone. The thought of it makes me feel relieved these days.

 

[Pike Creek]

If you want to make friends, grow taller and more beautiful, make a million dollars, have lots of kids, aggressively seek promotion at work, become famous.

Then when you have a mansion and can throw parties for people, watch in utter amazement how many friends you start to make.

It's human nature. We gravitate towards success. We hate losers.

I think that only attracts the shallow type, the star-struck type who are impressed by money and fame. Those aren't really people one can count on as true friends, just my opinion.

 

[jjam]

oops