Marriage for companionship.

[Tiina63]

Would I sleep with a man I didn't love? In the context of a marriage for compansionship-yes I would. Sex matters to me as well, and I wouldn't want a celibate marriage.

 

[duff]

Would I sleep with a man I didn't love? In the context of a marriage for compansionship-yes I would. Sex matters to me as well, and I wouldn't want a celibate marriage.

have you tried an advert in your local paper ?
Maybe better than the internet ?

 

[Tiina63]

I tried an ad. in the local free paper a couple of years ago but nothing came of it. I'm wondering whether to join either the Guardian's or the Independent's dating site, but they do that automatic subscrition renewal which I find very offputting.

 

[duff]

I tried an ad. in the local free paper a couple of years ago but nothing came of it. I'm wondering whether to join either the Guardian's or the Independent's dating site, but they do that automatic subscrition renewal which I find very offputting.

my mam buys this magazine called 'Yours' - I glance at it when I go and see her. There is a dating section near the back. It's aimed at mature people looking for companionship. Might suit you !

 

[Lippy_Kid]

Think you have to meet the man first before worrying too much about whether companionship is enough for you. Its such a fine line, people can marry in a flurry of lust and then find themselves with nothing left a few years down the line. Personally I'd always look for the companionship first, as you grow closer the intimacy between you may grow, but either way you'll always have that solid base. You just need to be honest of your reasons with a prospective partner though, if you crave companionship first and foremost so he knows how you feel and what to expect.

 

[scoochamenz]

I am getting older and I think this is a good idea. I am open on this, hope I can find a woman who thinks just like you Tiina63.
Good luck to us.

I am looking for exactly this thing. I'm tired of the "strong-independent-feminist-I-love-being-single" thing. Being single sucks. Making dinner for one, spending holidays and weekends alone because your friends are all married and spending time with their spouses, always being the third wheel - who wants a life like that? I'm 45 and have maybe 30 years left on this earth. Don't want to spend them alone!

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Love is companionship.

You shouldn't look for a marriage without love, because it would be meaningless. If you don't get along, it would be even worse.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Love is companionship.

You shouldn't look for a marriage without love, because it would be meaningless. If you don't get along, it would be even worse.

Some people do look for a marriage without love. Just to get some companionship. Not common these days I don't think. Maybe back then? I know it was quite common with my aunts and uncles.

 

[Moe'sTavern]

Love is companionship.

You shouldn't look for a marriage without love, because it would be meaningless. If you don't get along, it would be even worse.

Some people do look for a marriage without love. Just to get some companionship. Not common these days I don't think. Maybe back then? I know it was quite common with my aunts and uncles.

Things tend to be a lot more romanticized nowadays..."love conquers all", and all those other cute sayings.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I think people are more focused on love nowadays. Not just having a marriage agreement.

Back in the 50's, it was very common for this to happen, because two could support each other. Nowadays, with more and more people bringing in money for themselves first, it's really about finding a compatible personality rather than having someone balance the bankbook. You no longer need a marriage to survive, and more and more single parents out there.

 

[scoochamenz]

Love is companionship.

You shouldn't look for a marriage without love, because it would be meaningless. If you don't get along, it would be even worse.

That's why you develop a deep friendship with the person first before you marry. I don't think anyone is advocating a "Mirror Has Two Faces" type marriage. That would suck big time.

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If thats what you want though do you need to get married? Could you not just live together with someone?

I don't see why a "companionship marriage" - which I would rather call a "friendship marriage" - should be any different than any other marriage. I think the two people involved should first develop a deep friendship and have a true love and respect for one another. This doesn't mean that they have to be "madly in love", only madly "in like". Someone here pointed out that just loving someone as a friend is more reliable and I agree. But entering into a marriage, whether it's based on unrealistic romantic notions, or just wanting someone to have around the house so you aren't alone, should be treated the same. After all, you want someone who is going to make a commitment to you, don't you? A commitment to split the expenses, a commitment to always have your back, a commitment to get you to the ER if you fall and crack your head open. When you aren't married, you're just roommates and it's much easier for someone to just walk out. When you're married, it makes you think twice about what you have to lose - namely, a partner who loves you as a genuine friend, which is a damned hard thing to find these days.

---

I am so lonely that I am wondering if I should look for a partner to marry based on companionship rather than love, as I don't think that I am loveable because noone has ever fallen in love with me. I am in my 50's and can make friends, so am thinking that maybe a companionship marriage would be better than nothing, though at the same time I might end up feeling short changed and empty emotionally. Does anyone know of anyone who has married for companionship and who is happy with it? Has anyone here ever thought about it, or am I being stupid?

Tiina, you're not being stupid AT ALL! I think this makes perfect sense and I am also looking for this, what I call a "friendship marriage". Never mind the people who say "Get a pet or friends for companionship". They don't get that you can't have a conversation with the dog and your friends eventually need to go home, leaving you alone and not spooning anyone.

I want to be married to someone who is a true friend, who'll always be there for me, but without all the sex and fake romance (which is all about getting laid, anyway). You don't need to be "in love", just very much "in like" with someone. I know a couple who have been married 27 years and when I mentioned to them that they are a breath of fresh air because they always seem so happy and polite and kind to one another - unlike other married couples - they told me they were just "married friends". They'd been best friends in high school, convinced themselves they should be something else, like lovers, got married, tried it once on their honeymoon, and hated it. They haven't sex since and don't miss it at all. The love and respect they have from their friendship fills in that gap.

But don't just enter into a legally binding situation with someone you haven't vetted 100% - criminal and financial history - or haven't developed a really deep friendship with. Make sure you both want exactly the same things in the union. Will it be sexless and he'll be able to get his kink on somewhere else, with your approval? I'd say make sure you share the same interests, which will up the companionship factor considerably. Just please don't settle for having just ANYONE around to relieve your loneliness. Make sure you live with someone you truly enjoy being around and you like and respect as a person. If there's a spark, maybe it will grow over time. And if it doesn't, make sure he's okay with that. I really think we need to shake up what we define as a "marriage" in this country, since we have so many options.

Best of luck to you - I'm just getting started in my own search!

Liz

 

[scoochamenz]

I am so lonely that I am wondering if I should look for a partner to marry based on companionship rather than love, as I don't think that I am loveable because noone has ever fallen in love with me. I am in my 50's and can make friends, so am thinking that maybe a companionship marriage would be better than nothing, though at the same time I might end up feeling short changed and empty emotionally. Does anyone know of anyone who has married for companionship and who is happy with it? Has anyone here ever thought about it, or am I being stupid?

Tiina, you're not being stupid AT ALL! I think this makes perfect sense and I am also looking for this, what I call a "friendship marriage". Never mind the people who say "Get a pet or friends for companionship". They don't get that you can't have a conversation with the dog and your friends eventually need to go home, leaving you alone and not spooning anyone.

I want to be married to someone who is a true friend, who'll always be there for me, but without all the sex and fake romance (which is all about getting laid, anyway). You don't need to be "in love", just very much "in like" with someone. I know a couple who have been married 27 years and when I mentioned to them that they are a breath of fresh air because they always seem so happy and polite and kind to one another - unlike other married couples - they told me they were just "married friends". They'd been best friends in high school, convinced themselves they should be something else, like lovers, got married, tried it once on their honeymoon, and hated it. They haven't sex since and don't miss it at all. The love and respect they have from their friendship fills in that gap.

But don't just enter into a legally binding situation with someone you haven't vetted 100% - criminal and financial history - or haven't developed a really deep friendship with. Make sure you both want exactly the same things in the union. Will it be sexless and he'll be able to get his kink on somewhere else, with your approval? I'd say make sure you share the same interests, which will up the companionship factor considerably. Just please don't settle for having just ANYONE around to relieve your loneliness. Make sure you live with someone you truly enjoy being around and you like and respect as a person. If there's a spark, maybe it will grow over time. And if it doesn't, make sure he's okay with that. I really think we need to shake up what we define as a "marriage" in this country, since we have so many options.

Best of luck to you - I'm just getting started in my own search!

Liz

 

[Alienated]

I am 48 and been thinking about it allot, I have actually proposed to 2 women this year. That's all I really was looking for... because what people call love anymore is just lust.

Love is a decision and action, then the emotions come with it. But if people base their decisions off their emotions first... it's doomed to fail... because feelings lie to you, and they change. But if you stick with a decision, it's a different story all together.

Both those women I asked wanted to be in love... well after getting to know them... They didn't love themselves even, so what's that say for what kind of choice they are going to make.