Maybe...

[SkuzzieMuff]

I feel lonely, just the same as everyone else. But somehow, it's different. I try not to sit around at home on my computer or on the sofa all day. I do try to go out in public, to bars and things, and make myself available. I'm a people watcher, if anything. I do like to watch people, imagine what's going on in their lives and wonder who they are. But most of the time, they just aren't interesting to me. I don't ever see anyone that sparks my interest as someone unique and intelligent. If people talk to me, I'm often bored and uninterested. Apparently, no one is good enough for me...

I have a boyfriend, and a few friends, mostly acquaintances. My real friends are back home, in Maryland, and I don't get to talk to them very often. Despite my efforts to maintain some sort of relationship with them, simply because I'm not there, I don't seem to exist. I understand though, because I've been guilty of doing the same thing to people, but I'm so desperate to have anyone that I try to have them. They don't seem to want me, or care about what I might want either. My boyfriend is very simple-minded. He hates it when I say that, but it's true. I tend to explore the larger more complex mysteries of the world while he's fascinated with computers and machinery. Now, that's cool and all, don't get me wrong, but there's nothing really mysterious about it. You press a button and something happens, because it was built that way. People, you press button, and who knows what will happen. You might press that button in a different situation and something else will happen. People are unpredictable and uncategorized. But he spent a lot of his personality developing years by himself, on a computer... So his social skills aren't tip top. That, and he doesn't seem to stay on one mind track so talking to him can be EXTREMELY frustrating for me.

Really, I'm just a complex person. I have trouble finding people who think and operate on a more complex level. People that are able to understand and challenge my thinking. Oh, wouldn't it be nice if someone were even able to change my thinking? There have only been a few people in my life that were able to tell me something that really changed the way that I thought about something. But this is very uncommon... Especially in Florida...

Really, I just read people's posts about how lonely and socially awkward they are. They're too afraid to talk to people for whatever reason. There's someone they like that they're too afraid to talk to. This is not me. I try to be spontaneous and outgoing. I am always the one to say that bitterly sarcastic thing that people are thinking, but wont say. I'm always the one to stand up for myself or somebody else when they're in trouble. I'm often the one to initiate things, make changes, and really make honeysuckle happen in general. I wave ******* dildoes out my window with loud music blaring to make people laugh. I am not afraid of people, social situations, public places or even death. I was told recently that I looked like a D.C. girl because of my spiked collar. I look like the kinda girl who's tough by nature (maybe not so much physically though...) and I do take care of myself, and my honeysuckle.

But I'm alone. I'm an oddball, yes, I hate most things that are popular. But that's mostly because I see the general intelligence of this nation going in the opposite direction of myself. The general intelligence in this country is declining. We've bitten Survival of the Fittest in the ass, and made it so anyone can survive here despite their ability. There are people in this county who don't even know the names of all the states and where they're generally located. So, while I'm stuck in this country at the moment, I'm trying to find some social group that I fit into. I don't have any preference of stereotypes, really, I just want friends. Friends that seem to be impossible to find. I'm hoping that this is just Florida though.

I hope to move to NY or Chicago. I hope to make it, find my place and be happy. I really hope to get the fresia out of this country and go to Europe. I'd really like to live in Germany.
I don't even know if I actually made a point in all of this jibber-jabber, but it's out, and it's here, and if you care, you'll read it. But really, I just want people to talk to...

 

[Tex Is Lost]

I love America. But I will say this: right now we are like Rome before it faded. Still the greatest thing going, but losing our soul. We are more. Interested in what we are entitled to than what we can do to make it better. More interested in what's fair than what made us great.
But we still have people who do know the names of the states and where they are.
I understand what you're saying about challenging thought and complexity of personality. I suppose the roots of loneliness can be found in wanting someone with whom we can truly communicate and who will understand us. But are we willing to understand someone else?

 

[oliphila07]

But I'm alone. I'm an oddball, yes, I hate most things that are popular. But that's mostly because I see the general intelligence of this nation going in the opposite direction of myself.
(quote)

I understand your point of view about how rare it is to find very interesting and deep people that challenge our reflections. I personally live in Europe. And it is everywhere the same problem. Tex is lost makes a metaphor that is also mine. I like to compare Europe to Rome just before its decline. I think the intelligence of western societies are declining due to people's aspirations and the materialism around. The world is getting very odd. I think it is very great to aspire for change and to have this will to travel and to see things from a different look. You will see that, on this site, many people are smart and will widen your perception of things.
If you're really get fed up waiting for someone to make you think, you can read some great thinkers' writings (Thoreau, Ayn Rand, Emerson, Kerouac...).

If you look at History, every century has its decline, but also its savers.