AbeDaniels
New member
Never thought I'd have to look for emotional support in my life but now I'm here. I'm Abe, 21, nice to meet you.
I used to be a shy person, but a great big part of my personaly lies in self improvement, so I always try to push my borders. According to 16 personalities I am an ENTP. I am a game developer, but I don't have much interest in playing games. I analyze a lot and feel like I have a pretty solid grasp on how things work and what I want to accomplish in life. The list isn't long, but it it involves mutual love. I like a lot of music, but mostly listen to some sort of metal. I'm not an animal person, but I love cats. I suppose the best way to describe myself and my feelings is by telling you about my past relationship.
STORY TIME
I was single until the age of 18, when I met my first girlfriend online from a neighboring country. She was pretty, really pretty, a bit younger than me, and we were together for three and a half years. I gave her everything she wanted. I repaired her broken stuff, I invited her to concerts, events, introduced her to my friends etc. I always did my best to make her happy. Always. It wasn't easy. She'd get mad at the slightest thing, like gently trying to wake her up in the morning when she missed the alarm, or by misplacing things (I'm very forgetful). She tells me often that she'd like me to be taller. Yet she always says she's sorry when she hurts me, and promises that she'll always love me. I forgive her every time and think to myself that she's wonderful.
Then she cheats on me. I had introduced her to a friend of mine, and she asked me if she could go visit him since I was away for the weekend. She tells me this immediately when I get home and she's crying on the floor, talking about taking an overdose. My heart breaks, but I still love her. After a long night of tears and cold I told her I'd forgive her if she promises never to do it again, and never see that guy again. She sobs and cuddles up next to me. Life goes on.
She signs up for a furry forum. Suddenly, being one of the few girls on the forum, she finds herself popular and with many friends. I was never really a part of the fandom but I didn't mind it, so I thought it was great for her to get some friends. We start on the same college. A bisexual dyslexic from the forum also attends the college and turns out to be my new neighbor. Of course she visits him. I don't know much about him, or the fandom, but I actively join in when she goes to him to try to befriend him. He's a pretty boring guy, but he's tall.
He gradually becomes more of a dick towards me, by talking bad about me behind my back, through gf's skype. She starts asking me why I'm not into the fandom, and I occasionally find them laying, chatting in his bed (clothed). I tell her I'm not okay with her being in his bed, and she promises to stop. At this point I'm still trying to be nice towards him, but I'm getting worried and annoyed by why she's spending so much time in there. I confront her again and she tells me they're just friends and he's not even into her.
Months go by and I gradually get more irritated at him because of his always negative attitude towards me. Then one night i find that she's fallen asleep in his bed, next to him. My adrenalin rushes, I'm both angry and scared, and my hands shake a lot. I walk into the room and slap her cheek to wake her up. I ask her what the hell she's doing and go back to my room waiting for her to come explain herself. A while later she comes. Again, crying.
She tells me they didn't do anything and that she loves me and would never cheat on me again. She asks me if I want to forbid her from talking to her only real friend. Soft as I am I forgave her and told her she can talk to him, but I want this **** to stop! She thanks me and from this point I'm no longer entering his room or talking to him.
Her furry fandom grows stronger and she spends a big portion of her time chatting on an 18+ group, talking about fetishes and whatnot. She asks me if she can attend a furry convention with the neighbor and, knowing this is her big dream by now, I let her do it. She suddenly wants to try all kinds of new positions and I'm all up for it. She's still spending a lot of time in the neighbors room, and I have no clue what they're doing in there. One night she doesn't come to bed and I go in there to check, something I haven't done for months. Again I find them, sleeping together. My heart races and I ask my friend for advice. He tells me to man up and take action, so full of adrenaline I rush into the room and beat the crap out of the neighbor.
The next day I find myself expelled from the school, which is a fair reaction I guess? The worst part though, is that they're both claiming that nothing happened, and tries to criminalize me by pulling the police into the matter. The only two things that really mattered to me, ripped away in a day, and they're putting salt in my wounds. This is when I gain access to her skype and realize that all of my worries, since day one, have been true. I was cheated on multiple times and looking back at her behavior it all makes sense. My heart was broken yet again. Lost without an education and without love. Lucky for me I had family and friends to back me up, and I'm now reassigned in the college, but my heart is still broken.
MORE ABOUT ME
So yeah. I'm not sure if I'd be better off without meeting her at all. I guess I can say that I'm going to be much more careful who to date next time. It's a problem though. It's not hard for me to get a 'girlfriend'. It is, however, extremely hard for me to find a girl that I can actually love and respect. She'd have to be positive, smart, and be equally as interested in really deep discussions (i go in existential crisis mode often, because I think too much). I'm a fairly good looking guy I've heard, but I'm not looking for a million dollar girlfriend. In fact, I find shared interests more attractive than anything. I'm not looking for short term dating either. I'm looking for 'the one', and have no interest in anything else beyond friends.
Now, compared to some of the other intros I've read here, I might not seem lonely at all, but that really just depends on perspective. I am afraid. Really, really afraid, that I will never find the girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with. And that fear makes me feel alone and depressed, even when in the middle of my friends.
That was a lot of text to type out at 4am. Sorry for bothering you. Just have nowhere else to go with this **** :/
I used to be a shy person, but a great big part of my personaly lies in self improvement, so I always try to push my borders. According to 16 personalities I am an ENTP. I am a game developer, but I don't have much interest in playing games. I analyze a lot and feel like I have a pretty solid grasp on how things work and what I want to accomplish in life. The list isn't long, but it it involves mutual love. I like a lot of music, but mostly listen to some sort of metal. I'm not an animal person, but I love cats. I suppose the best way to describe myself and my feelings is by telling you about my past relationship.
STORY TIME
I was single until the age of 18, when I met my first girlfriend online from a neighboring country. She was pretty, really pretty, a bit younger than me, and we were together for three and a half years. I gave her everything she wanted. I repaired her broken stuff, I invited her to concerts, events, introduced her to my friends etc. I always did my best to make her happy. Always. It wasn't easy. She'd get mad at the slightest thing, like gently trying to wake her up in the morning when she missed the alarm, or by misplacing things (I'm very forgetful). She tells me often that she'd like me to be taller. Yet she always says she's sorry when she hurts me, and promises that she'll always love me. I forgive her every time and think to myself that she's wonderful.
Then she cheats on me. I had introduced her to a friend of mine, and she asked me if she could go visit him since I was away for the weekend. She tells me this immediately when I get home and she's crying on the floor, talking about taking an overdose. My heart breaks, but I still love her. After a long night of tears and cold I told her I'd forgive her if she promises never to do it again, and never see that guy again. She sobs and cuddles up next to me. Life goes on.
She signs up for a furry forum. Suddenly, being one of the few girls on the forum, she finds herself popular and with many friends. I was never really a part of the fandom but I didn't mind it, so I thought it was great for her to get some friends. We start on the same college. A bisexual dyslexic from the forum also attends the college and turns out to be my new neighbor. Of course she visits him. I don't know much about him, or the fandom, but I actively join in when she goes to him to try to befriend him. He's a pretty boring guy, but he's tall.
He gradually becomes more of a dick towards me, by talking bad about me behind my back, through gf's skype. She starts asking me why I'm not into the fandom, and I occasionally find them laying, chatting in his bed (clothed). I tell her I'm not okay with her being in his bed, and she promises to stop. At this point I'm still trying to be nice towards him, but I'm getting worried and annoyed by why she's spending so much time in there. I confront her again and she tells me they're just friends and he's not even into her.
Months go by and I gradually get more irritated at him because of his always negative attitude towards me. Then one night i find that she's fallen asleep in his bed, next to him. My adrenalin rushes, I'm both angry and scared, and my hands shake a lot. I walk into the room and slap her cheek to wake her up. I ask her what the hell she's doing and go back to my room waiting for her to come explain herself. A while later she comes. Again, crying.
She tells me they didn't do anything and that she loves me and would never cheat on me again. She asks me if I want to forbid her from talking to her only real friend. Soft as I am I forgave her and told her she can talk to him, but I want this **** to stop! She thanks me and from this point I'm no longer entering his room or talking to him.
Her furry fandom grows stronger and she spends a big portion of her time chatting on an 18+ group, talking about fetishes and whatnot. She asks me if she can attend a furry convention with the neighbor and, knowing this is her big dream by now, I let her do it. She suddenly wants to try all kinds of new positions and I'm all up for it. She's still spending a lot of time in the neighbors room, and I have no clue what they're doing in there. One night she doesn't come to bed and I go in there to check, something I haven't done for months. Again I find them, sleeping together. My heart races and I ask my friend for advice. He tells me to man up and take action, so full of adrenaline I rush into the room and beat the crap out of the neighbor.
The next day I find myself expelled from the school, which is a fair reaction I guess? The worst part though, is that they're both claiming that nothing happened, and tries to criminalize me by pulling the police into the matter. The only two things that really mattered to me, ripped away in a day, and they're putting salt in my wounds. This is when I gain access to her skype and realize that all of my worries, since day one, have been true. I was cheated on multiple times and looking back at her behavior it all makes sense. My heart was broken yet again. Lost without an education and without love. Lucky for me I had family and friends to back me up, and I'm now reassigned in the college, but my heart is still broken.
MORE ABOUT ME
So yeah. I'm not sure if I'd be better off without meeting her at all. I guess I can say that I'm going to be much more careful who to date next time. It's a problem though. It's not hard for me to get a 'girlfriend'. It is, however, extremely hard for me to find a girl that I can actually love and respect. She'd have to be positive, smart, and be equally as interested in really deep discussions (i go in existential crisis mode often, because I think too much). I'm a fairly good looking guy I've heard, but I'm not looking for a million dollar girlfriend. In fact, I find shared interests more attractive than anything. I'm not looking for short term dating either. I'm looking for 'the one', and have no interest in anything else beyond friends.
Now, compared to some of the other intros I've read here, I might not seem lonely at all, but that really just depends on perspective. I am afraid. Really, really afraid, that I will never find the girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with. And that fear makes me feel alone and depressed, even when in the middle of my friends.
That was a lot of text to type out at 4am. Sorry for bothering you. Just have nowhere else to go with this **** :/
