Men another question special for you lol

[septicemia]

Ok men, this is a 2 part question. If you were with a woman you loved or thought you could fall in love with, would you want to know the truth about her sexual past? Even if it meant learning that at one point, as a young adult she had secret sexual relationship with her older stepbrother? That in her mid 20s she was a prostitute?

If one or both of these things are something you would like to know, how would you react just being told these things by the woman you love, or are(were) hoping to have a loving relationship with. I want to know initial knee jerk reactions you think you would have, and then how you think you might feel the next day or week after having thought about it for a while.

Her reasons for telling are not to cause hurt if it makes a difference. I know people say that it isnt a good relationship without full disclosure (or something along those lines), but it always seems like they mean when it comes to stuff like sexual abuse and rape, horrible things that werent a choice. Not horrible things that were a choice.

I am sorry to be flooding the board with this ****, but I have been having a lot of anxiety and issues surrounding this ****, but this is literally the one place on earth that I can get honest responses on this, without actually going through it in person.

 

[Zak]

hmm. Honestly it might bother me for a few days (thats just me and others might have different views), suddenly being told this but it will eventually go down and it wont matter anymore if i really love her. But like i said its just me and others maybe having their own views on it.

 

[Poueff]

To be honest,yes,it would matter,and yes,it would harm your relationship
**** it,why would anybody want to know his loved one's sexual past?

 

[Tex Is Lost]

Ok men, this is a 2 part question. If you were with a woman you loved or thought you could fall in love with, would you want to know the truth about her sexual past? Even if it meant learning that at one point, as a young adult she had secret sexual relationship with her older stepbrother? That in her mid 20s she was a prostitute?

For me, I would not ask for such detail, but if she felt it was important to tell me, I would listen.

If one or both of these things are something you would like to know, how would you react just being told these things by the woman you love, or are(were) hoping to have a loving relationship with. I want to know initial knee jerk reactions you think you would have, and then how you think you might feel the next day or week after having thought about it for a while.

If she were to reveal such things to me, I would need to be reassured that those things were truely in her past. If I loved or was feeling that there was some possibility for real love with her, I would not judge, for I have many "seemed like the thing to do at the time" moments, and innumerable bad decisions in my life. I would hope that she could let my past be in my past. And believe it or not, I would not change my mind after thinking about it for a few days. Given that she has reassured and demonstrated that those things were long over.

Her reasons for telling are not to cause hurt if it makes a difference. I know people say that it isnt a good relationship without full disclosure (or something along those lines), but it always seems like they mean when it comes to stuff like sexual abuse and rape, horrible things that werent a choice. Not horrible things that were a choice.

I am sorry to be flooding the board with this ****, but I have been having a lot of anxiety and issues surrounding this ****, but this is literally the one place on earth that I can get honest responses on this, without actually going through it in person.

All of us have so called "baggage". Parts of us that cannot be removed, only dealt with. And all of us, assuming the desire is honest, deserve the chance to start over.

 

[NOAH_FX]

Take it slow, theirs something to be said for the quote "too much information". However, me personally, i'd never ask, in which case I wouldn't mind if I wasn't told.. As long as their were no Repercutions from one's permiscious lifestyle, if you know what I mean.

On the flip side I have alot of really close friend's who know nothing about my past, who at this point it would be really hard to tell.. You know what a nice guy I am, we'll geuss what... Sometimes I wish I had told them, or that I still could (I geuss I can) just so it's out their. This is who I am, take it or leave it, because I can't change it.

I hope all goes we'll

Cheers

 

[septicemia]

Thanks guys! I totally have no intentions of telling any man of my past. I think in general men cant handle information like that without exploiting it in one way or another. Plus I feel information like this would cause more hurt and damage to any relationship then good.

 

[ShybutHi]

Thanks guys! I totally have no intentions of telling any man of my past. I think in general men cant handle information like that without exploiting it in one way or another. Plus I feel information like this would cause more hurt and damage to any relationship then good.

Well any guy who would exploit something like that is certainly not worth being with. If i was told this by a girlfriend, ofcourse it would be a shock thats for sure, i think i would try and be comforting because i would of thought part of the reason for her telling me this would be because she wanted to talk to someone who she can trust about the issue. I think for the girlfriend to tell you this there must be some trust in the relationship and a mutual attachment already. I dont think learning these facts about her would change my mind about the relationship if it was at this stage.

 

[Brian]

Honestly? It depends when you tell me.

If I've known you for two months, it'd give me the creeps and I'd probably dump you. But if after six months or a year you were to say you needed to tell me something I'd probably be more understanding.

 

[septicemia]

So basically I am getting that its not something any one would ever WANT to know, but if for some reason the girl needed to tell you, after you had developed a long term, loving relationship, it probably wouldnt ruin it completely for you.

Shybuthi I dont necessairly mean try to pimp the girl out or anything, but it would always be something to use against her.

 

[Mr. Sir]

No desire to ask.

To know how many men a woman has had, take the number she says and multiply by 3.
To know how many women a man has had, take the number he says and divide by 3.

 

[septicemia]

Dont believe crap like that socrates.

 

[Mr. Sir]

Dont believe crap like that socrates.

Actually it probably isn't true, you're right.

 

[Badjedidude]

I would expect a woman to tell me that kind of stuff as a matter of keeping me informed. I mean, I wouldn't want the gory details of every guy's dong that she'd touched before, but... I would appreciate knowing she'd had an "active" past, sexually speaking. Even if only so I'd know that there were health concerns involved.

Anyway, overall I think communication and transparency are good for relationships.

 

[septicemia]

Is just 'active' good enough? These things have come up with some men I have been with, or its just a given, considering the circumstances LOL. I actually like hearing men I am with tell stories about other women they have been with, and what they did with/to her. I do know that these men do NOT want to hear anything about what I have done hahaha. Bunch of babies.

 

[Brian]

Yeah that's kind of a thing with me too, health concerns.

My girlfriend has some almost herpe-like sores now and then and when I found out inadvertently that she's been in a threesome before, and I kind of know what her younger years were like, I asked her if she thought she might have Herpes and explained why. Apparently she's been checked multiple times and it's all good, and she was pretty cool about being asked, but still.

Kinda makes you squeamish when you realize you've basically just touched dicks with 80 other guys. I mean, you come to terms with it, and yeah 80 is an exaggeration, but it was a little disconcerting at first.

 

[septicemia]

Brian I hate to say it, but they probably were herpes. No body wants to admit they have an STD for life. Basically these days if you have had sex with someone who has had sex with someone else, you have been exposed to one of the many herpes diseases (oral or genital), and/or one of the many genital wart viruses. Some people can be carriers and never develop any symptoms. And people who have symptoms can be contagious a couple weeks before and after symptoms. So basically its a super ****** up thing.

I was 18 when I found out I had genital herpes, 19 when I got chlamydia and gonorrhea (yeah both at once ), and 21 when I found out I had genital warts. I ****** drug dealers when I was 18-21 for coke, pills and weed. Obviously so were a lot of other skanky girls... All things considering its ******* amazing I didnt get the hiv. I havnt touched coke in almost 8 years, pills were just to get some sleep, and I am too broke to afford weed anymore LOL. Heck, I even quit smoking cigs a few years ago. The one boyfriend I did have when I was 22, I was up front about having herpes and warts, and he didnt care. We were really careful, but I always figured he must have already had one or both, or was just ******* stupid (he was for sure) because he didnt care at all. Even though its been a long time since I have had any symptoms of either, I would never sleep with a man and not tell him that I had the herp and warts. Thats wrong even by my book. Well, except the guys I slept with for money, I figured its just a given in that case. I am disgusted with everything I just typed.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Jesus's best friend was a hooker...
Some say she was his lover..
anywho the story gose about casting stones....

Unconditional love..its something to be applied.

mmmm women wouldnt really wanna know how many women with and the things I did with them. Most women dont wanna hear me talk about other women....i dont really wanna hear about tom, dick or harry iether..

but if a woman ask..I wpould be honest with her. I did a lot of stuff
N had lots of different experinces since the day I was borned if U live with a person long enough...itll get mention or asked.

I threw all my cards on the table when I met exwf... She knew everything about me..and she still married me..

Jenni threw all her cards on the table. Her darkest secrets.
I was honor that she trust me that much and love me that much...

 

[Mary Mary]

Brian I hate to say it, but they probably were herpes. No body wants to admit they have an STD for life. Basically these days if you have had sex with someone who has had sex with someone else, you have been exposed to one of the many herpes diseases (oral or genital), and/or one of the many genital wart viruses. Some people can be carriers and never develop any symptoms. And people who have symptoms can be contagious a couple weeks before and after symptoms. So basically its a super ****** up thing.

I was 18 when I found out I had genital herpes, 19 when I got chlamydia and gonorrhea (yeah both at once ), and 21 when I found out I had genital warts. I ****** drug dealers when I was 18-21 for coke, pills and weed. Obviously so were a lot of other skanky girls... All things considering its ******* amazing I didnt get the hiv. I havnt touched coke in almost 8 years, pills were just to get some sleep, and I am too broke to afford weed anymore LOL. Heck, I even quit smoking cigs a few years ago. The one boyfriend I did have when I was 22, I was up front about having herpes and warts, and he didnt care. We were really careful, but I always figured he must have already had one or both, or was just ******* stupid (he was for sure) because he didnt care at all. Even though its been a long time since I have had any symptoms of either, I would never sleep with a man and not tell him that I had the herp and warts. Thats wrong even by my book. Well, except the guys I slept with for money, I figured its just a given in that case. I am disgusted with everything I just typed.

The past is the past. Today is a new day. Just work on making your life better. It sounds as if you have deep issues. That doesn't make you a bad person, but you may need to be patient with yourself. The changes may take time.

 

[A new life]

Please take a tiny step towards loving yourself by selecting a user name that says hope and positivity and possibility.

You already know what to do with SocratesX comments.

Others have given the same advise that I would.

Go slow (don't just dump this on someone right away)

Basically there's two things I would be concerned about in a woman's past:

• STDs
• Violent men who may resurface in her life with me

 

[jjam]

Just as I wouldn't want a woman to fear getting into a relationship with me based on something I did years ago, I believe it's only fair to give someone that same kind of opportunity. Show me the woman who wants me for me and can say with actions rather than words that her past will not haunt our relationship, and I'll show her that I'll not reject her nor disrespect her for it.

Unveiling dark secrets like this can be tricky. It all depends on who you're dealing with.